Chapter 4 Warden
Warden
By the time I’m hitting day twelve, I’ve reached my limit. Without a phone, the device lost in the mess of everything, there’s only so much I can do around here without going crazy. I can’t take this anymore.
I need fresh air.
Passing by the living room, Leah’s legs hang off the arm of the couch while she flips through a magazine. Stopping by long enough to drag my fingers up to her knee, I feel the goosebumps prickle up immediately.
“Let’s go out and get some ice cream.” Meeting her gaze, I smile in hopes it’ll win her over. “Don’t make me go alone.”
She pauses her reading long enough to stare up at me. “What if…”
My stomach is fine. Seriously. Sure, it hurts if I try to push myself, but that’s not what I’m trying to do here.
Though I’ll admit, all this time trapped with her has left me starving for more than some dessert.
“I’m fine.” Reaching out to cradle her knees, I push them apart and stand between her legs. Seeing her bite her lip, I’m curious to know if this is as hard for her as it is for me.
We’ve gone from seeing each other a couple of nights a week to being together all of the time. It’s easier to hide how I feel when there’s a distance between us.
Offering her my hand, she hesitates before closing her magazine and setting it to the side. Looking at my fingers, she slowly slides her hand into mine. Gasping when I pull her up onto the arm itself, I’m left in amazement as her cheeks flood in color at a record-breaking speed.
“It’s a small stroll. What’s the worst that’ll happen?” Coaxing her into trusting that I’m not going to keel over and die, I wrap her arms around my neck. When she holds on after releasing her, I hum in satisfaction.
It feels like an eternity since we last touched each other. Even if it’s something simple like this, I’m taking whatever I can get.
This woman drives me crazy in every way possible. It’s a miracle I haven’t ripped any stitches from pouncing on her by now.
“I don’t like the thought of you getting hurt.” Mumbling the words we both already know, she strokes the back of my neck and stares up at me with those big gray eyes. “You’re safer here.”
As my smile grows, her pout grows. “If you want to keep me to yourself, that’s all you need to say, you know?”
Chewing on her bottom lip, there’s a wave of hesitance that catches me off guard. Leah isn’t normally the type of person to hold back what’s on her mind.
“That’s true. You can’t go out and do something stupid if I keep you here.” Her hands lock around my neck, and her legs hook around my waist. She’s carefully, barely tugging me toward the couch, but keeping me in place.
Fuck. If she keeps this up, I’m going to be convincing her to bend over this couch before I ask her about getting ready to leave. These shorts do nothing to hide the stirring happening down below.
If she figures out sex is a great way to keep me here, then maybe utilizing it to her advantage may not be so bad.
When she’s like this, clinging to me as if I’m all that matters, it’s no wonder I have to remind myself that none of this means what I want it to.
Leaning in, she sucks in a breath when only an inch of space remains between us. “I could do something stupid inside, too. You give me too much credit.”
Because I can’t tell myself no, I lean in and kiss her. Promising myself that it’s nothing more than scratching an itch, the little sigh that leaves her tells me all that I need to know.
Her lips are soft against mine, a familiar warmth I missed too much.
The kiss is lazy with no sign of rush. Her mouth opens just enough, a silent invitation I accept without thought, tasting the faint sweetness of her morning coffee.
I can feel the moment she sinks into it, her body going pliant against mine, the anxious grip around my neck softening into a caress.
She has that same glazed-over look she always gets when she needs to unwind. It’s a look that unspools something deep in my gut, a look that says she’s stopped thinking, stopped worrying, and is just… feeling. It’s my favorite look on her.
One kiss turns into two, then three, each one slower, deeper, more languid than the last. It’s so easy to get lost in her like this.
I’m so focused on the slow dance of her mouth that I almost forget about the other signal my body is sending, a blunt, gathering heat and weight behind the soft cotton of my shorts.
As her teeth scrape my bottom lip, I feel her fingers drifting down my chest. Past the bandages, lower, lower, until my hips are jerking against her touch. She doesn’t hesitate, gripping me through the fabric, squeezing me tight, just the way I like it.
I’m going to fuck her at this rate. This is no good. I’ll injure myself, and she’ll blame herself for an eternity.
With a reluctance that feels physical, I break the kiss. She makes a soft, protesting sound in the back of her throat that almost convinces me to push myself to continue this moment of ours.
Instead of going back to her mouth, I press my lips to the smooth curve of her cheek, feeling the warmth there. Lingering for only a greedy moment, I force myself to create space between us.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” I say, my voice rough. I run a thumb along her jaw, catching the dazed look in her eyes. “Then you should definitely join me.”
A slow, knowing smile touches her lips, and it’s everything I can do not to recapture them with mine.
“Or I’m gonna get lost,” I add, forcing a grin.
It’s a bald-faced lie. I was born and raised in this small town.
I could walk every inch of it blindfolded, drunk, and backwards.
There’s nowhere here for me to get lost but in her.
And that’s the one place I can’t let myself wander for too long.
Not when, for her, this is just a way to release some steam.
The shower is just an excuse to get this want out of my system. Now that we can’t just claw at each other every time we get this way, I need a way to deal it without worrying her even more.
Give me another week, and I’ll have her pressed beneath me in no time. Things can go back to normal.
“Remember, keep it short.” Catching her breath, she shoves her fingers through her hair to let out a frustrated sigh. “Don’t let the water hit it directly, and when you’re done, I’ll—”
Pecking her lips before she can go full doctor on me, she sighs against my mouth once more before unlocking her ankles and letting me go.
Giving her a wink, I try not to acknowledge the want in her eyes before I escape toward the bathroom.
If she were to ask if she could join, I have no doubt that I would fold over in an instant.
Thankfully, and unfortunately, she doesn’t.
* * *
Fresh air is exactly what I need. It’s a medicine in its own way.
By the time I carefully make my way down the flight of stairs, I realize that walking a far distance won’t be as easy as I hope it’ll be. Still, I don’t want to admit defeat before I can even make it out of the parking lot.
Hammer’s got a place here in this apartment complex, and so does Judge. Not spotting either of their bikes, I’m a little sad I can’t make a pit stop to see how things are going.
They’re both probably busy dealing with the new charter in Meadow Falls. Sure, I get it. Still, I’m missing the club members.
How long do I have to wait to avoid Leah getting upset to return to the clubhouse? Someone must’ve gotten my bike from the other town, I hope.
I want to ride. Surely, I’m in good enough shape to do something as simple as that.
As we start our way down the sidewalk, Leah doesn’t hold my hand like I want her to. So, I capture her palm, needing the contact.
“Just in case I can’t keep up with you.” Squeezing her fingers, I’m relieved when she curls her fingers.
As a paramedic, I’m sure she’s accustomed to speedwalking and rushing around all the time. While I don’t want to hold her back, I know if we’re going to have to go at my pace, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
She doesn’t seem to mind, steadily keeping at my pace.
Other townspeople are out and about, walking by with shopping bags in their hands, or accompanied by others just hanging out and enjoying the nice weather.
Not too hot, thanks to the few clouds drifting up in the sky. They’re white and full, shaped funny.
This is… nice.
It is, until my stomach aches. Knowing what’ll happen if I ignore the ache, I lead us over to our first bench to take a small break. Leah doesn’t shower me with concern, but I feel the shift of her gaze filled with concern.
“Why haven’t we done this before?” Leaning back against the bench, the warm metal sears my back and feels incredible. “We don’t go out like this.”
Going out would make this feel more like a date than some friendly outing. How would that make her feel? I’m too afraid to say the words, not wanting to scare her off.
She drinks in the lively space, her mouth pinching as she searches for an answer. “I’m normally tired, I think. The long shifts really get me. When I’m not working, and I’m not being dragged over to the clubhouse, I’m usually sleeping.”
Between the cracks of her schedule, she fits me inside. I don’t even mind that she’s using me as a way to unwind from the stresses of her life.
Now that I’m crashing at her place, those slim cracks feel more like gaping holes.
These two weeks, she hasn’t been crashing inbetween shifts.
She’s given me most of her time. Not because she’s poking and prodding at my injuries all the time, but because we’re casually hanging out.
Watching movies, playing games, or just enjoying the other’s presence.
It’s not just the stroll that’s nice, but it’s everything that comes with taking a bullet to the stomach.
It’s making me wonder what it would be like if we were… something. If I got to enjoy this every day, I would’ve taken a hit ages ago.
“We should do this more.” Closing my eyes and breathing in deep, the summer air fills my lungs. “Once I’m better, I mean.”
Leah doesn’t agree, but she doesn’t disagree, either. When I open my eyes again, I realize she’s got her knees tucked to her chin. Her face is pinched, and it’s impossible to tell what’s going on in her head.
“What are you thinking about?” Wishing I could see what thoughts are drowning her mind, I’m left in the dark when she sends a small smile in my direction.
“Thinking about how broke I’ll be if I let you drag me around.” Moving to stand, she looks around. “How about I go snag us some drinks? They’ve got smoothies right two shops down. Stay here.”
When she insists, I realize I’ve overstepped. Damn.
With her demand not to move, I watch with a frown as she runs away.