Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Saskia stretched her hand across the bed, searching for warm skin but her fingers met only cool sheets. Frowning, she cracked an eyelid. “Muhammed?” She sat up, looking blearily around.
She’d slept like the dead and didn’t know how much time had passed. He probably went looking for food or something. Still, she would have preferred waking up next to him.
She’d slept for hours. No wonder Radik left. She stood, searching for her clothes, which she found neatly folded on a chair, her lace trimmed panties on top. She hoped Radik had done it, blushing at the thought of Nikka coming in while she was naked in bed, the room smelling of sex.
Sex. Her first time in… well… six years. And it had been spectacular. Better than anything she’d experienced before, either with a partner or solo.
Her blush deepened as she thought of Radik, their bodies twisted together in passion.
He was a gentle giant, handling her as though she were made of the finest crystal.
One day, she would have to test his restraint, see if she could get him to go a bit rougher.
She giggled at the thought of the restrained warlord breaking loose like a wild horse.
She’d bet he never did anything that wasn’t carefully planned first.
Except sex with her. That wasn’t planned, or at least not so soon. She believed he’d planned on wooing her a bit more before taking her to bed.
He was so different from her. While she appreciated a good plan, she also enjoyed spontaneity. Perhaps that was what attracted Radik to her. At least one of the things, anyway.
“Where is he?” she muttered, dressing quickly.
She felt both more confident in herself now that they’d had sex, but also somewhat less.
She needed to see him, make sure he was cool with what had happened.
She didn’t know what she’d do if he regretted it.
Punch him, maybe. Especially because she wanted to do it again as soon as humanly possible, then many more times after that.
She suspected that with Radik she would be insatiable.
She found him in his office, a rare occurrence for the man of war who preferred to be with his men, talking strategy and training.
“Muhammed?” She hovered in the doorway.
He glanced up from his work and when he recognized her, his expression went from serious to soft. “Come to me, angel.”
She hurried around his desk, walking into the circle of his arms as he held them out to her. He settled her on his lap, his arm a band of warm steel against her back.
“I’m sorry, I meant to be there when you woke up. I lost track of time.”
“What’s wrong?” She pressed her fingers against the deep grooves between his eyes, a thrill going through her at being able to touch him so freely.
“Nothing important,” he said, his tone shifting to one of reassurance.
She shook her head. “If you want to build a life with me, then we have to be honest with each other. I can handle whatever’s going on.”
“I know you can handle it,” he said, smoothing the hair back from her face. “You’ve been trained to handle bad situations, and your spirit is both stubborn and resilient. But you shouldn’t have to deal with the less desirable things in life. Will you not let me protect you, at least for a while?”
She opened her mouth to deny the request, then thought it over. That he wanted to coddle her and protect her from the evils in life was kind of romantic. Perhaps she should consider it.
“Alright,” she conceded. “But with the caveat that I be told if whatever is going on will impact me. I want to be as much in control of my own life as possible.”
He kissed the edge of her lips, his mouth trailing across her cheekbone to her ear, exploring the shell.
She clung to him, tilting her head to give him better access, gasping as arrows of heat sizzled where his lips touched, straight to her nipples and further down. She eyed the door, wondering if there was a sturdy lock on it.
“The business that has caused me to frown has very little to do with you,” he told her, his deep voice vibrating against her throat where his explorations had brought him.
“Very little?” she questioned breathlessly. “Very little is still something. You should tell me.”
He leaned back in the chair and she mourned the loss of his lips against her skin. “From the day you came into my keeping, every decision I make, large or small, will impact you in some way. You’re with me now and every action must be carefully considered with your safety and comfort in mind.”
“Sounds exhausting,” she teased.
“Having you with me is the sweetest of prizes, making it well worth the effort.” His tone was serious. “Taking your needs into consideration will always be my pleasure.”
Her teasing banter melted away as she stared at him. She could see her future written in his face. Not because he refused to let her leave, but because he said the most impossibly romantic shit. What woman in her right mind would walk away from him?
“You are a very unselfish man,” she said, laying her head on his shoulder. “I wish I could think less of myself and more about others, like you do.”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating against her.
“I’m only unselfish with the people I love, of whom there are few enough for me to care for with ease.
But when it comes to my business, my empire, I am a very selfish man.
The only thing that can stop me from my relentless pursuit of power is you, and only because you’re safer if I’m not going through this world making enemies who might one day come to take what is mine. ”
She shivered and he tightened his arms around her. They sat that way, silent for a few minutes, Saskia deep in thought. He’d given up the expansion of his empire to be with her. It was a heady realization.
“Have you eaten?” he asked. “You slept through supper.”
She shook her head. “Not yet, but I’m still pretty tired. I’ll probably grab a snack and go to bed.”
He nodded.
An awkwardness came over her as she tried to sort out how to ask what she needed to ask. As a straightforward person, she hated this feeling of shyness. “Uh… so… I was wondering…,” she began, mentally shaking her head at herself.
“You can say anything to me,” he assured her.
She straightened in his lap and looked him in the eye.
“Now that we’ve had….” Oh, sweet Jesus, this was so hard!
“Now that we’ve been together, I was wondering about…
about… our sleeping… I mean…” Fuck, just spit it out!
“Should I start moving your stuff into my room? I can move into your room, but mine is objectively the better room. It’s bigger, it has the giant bathtub in it, it’s decorated… .”
She saw the denial in his face even before he spoke. The sense of awkwardness crippling her tongue got even worse and she quickly scrambled off his lap.
“Saskia,” he said, reaching for her. “I can’t – ”
“Forget I said anything,” she said quickly.
Too quickly. Words spilled out of her in a humiliating jumble.
“Of course, it’s far too soon. We barely know each other.
It was stupid of me to think you’d want…
just… just because we… we….” Oh god, was she about to add insult to injury and start crying?
The moisture gathering in her eyes told her it was true.
She walked backward away from him, hurrying when he stood and reached out.
“I’m going… going to grab that snack and head to bed.
See you in the morning!” She bolted, muttering, “Idiot!” to herself as she rushed down the hall to the kitchen, swiping at the tears that insisted on leaking out.
She was half afraid he’d come after her, but thankfully he didn’t. Maybe he sensed her desire to be alone with her shame. Though she had nothing to be ashamed of, she still felt the sting of his rejection.
Which definitely called for ice cream.
Nonna had long abandoned the kitchen for the night. Saskia could feel it in the dark coolness as she entered. When Nonna was around, it was always warm and bright.
Leaving the lights off, she opened the fridge. There was a plate of food with a tea towel over it and a sticky note with her name on it. Lifting the edge, she saw a plate of rice and veggies.
Nope, healthy wasn’t going to cut it. She needed some serious sugar.
Opening the freezer, she sighed happily, grabbing a container of vanilla mango ice cream. Even better, it was homemade by Nonna. She’d told Saskia it was easier to make it herself than to try to have some shipped in.
Grabbing a spoon, she sat at the breakfast table in the darkened kitchen to enjoy her treat. It would hopefully dispel the weirdness she was feeling after her run-in with Radik.
Of course it was too soon to share a room. Wasn’t it? But why else would he bring her there and declare her his woman? Maybe he was worried about having her too close in case he had a PTSD episode.
As she thought it over, she realized that was probably the issue. It likely had nothing to do with him not wanting to share his space with her. Feeling better, she ate with gusto.
A few bites in, a sound at the kitchen door leading out to the garden caught her attention.
Heart hammering, she sat frozen as the door creaked open.
The lights filtering in from the garden illuminated Nikka’s face as she crept into the kitchen, closing the door carefully behind her.
“Looking for a snack?” Saskia asked, giggling when Nikka jumped and whirled around.
“What’re you doing sitting here alone in the dark?” She flipped on a light, causing Saskia to blink rapidly as her eyes adjusted.
“Eating my shame,” Saskia replied, then pointed at a chair. “Join me?”
“Yeah, okay. I could use some ice cream.” Nikka got herself a pint of papaya ice cream and joined Saskia at the table. “Why are we eating away shame?”
Saskia pondered the question, then decided to answer truthfully, or as truthfully as she could. “Uh, Radik and I… we… slept together.”
Nikka’s eyes widened and she leaned toward Saskia. “You had sex with the big guy? Wow, I always wondered…”