Chapter 22 #2
“Stop wondering,” Saskia said quickly. “He’s mine.”
Nikka laughed. “Not that. I wondered if any woman could thaw him. In the years I’ve known him, he’s never looked twice at any other woman. Why are you ashamed? Were you bad at it?”
“What, no!” Saskia started laughing.
“Was he bad, then? Are you ashamed of him?”
Saskia was having trouble controlling her laughter, but it felt good.
She felt better talking to Nikka. “No, he was good too.” More giggling.
For god’s sake, was she twelve? Get it together, Saskia.
“I’m not ashamed of what happened, I just feel weird around him now.
He’s so… in control, and I feel so young and inexperienced. ”
“You guys might have a pretty significant age gap,” Nikka said around a mouthful of ice cream, “but I don’t think he has much more experience than you, to be honest. He’s a man of war, not love. Until he brought you here anyway.”
Saskia hadn’t thought of it that way. “You really think that?” She kind of liked the idea that Radik might not be all that experienced with women, despite being much older.
“Yeah, I do. I would know if he’s shared a bed, since I tidy his room, and there’s been no one in the time that I’ve been here.”
Saskia felt better. She could deal with the awkwardness between Radik and herself if she wasn’t the only one feeling it.
“I also had sex tonight,” Nikka said, grinning.
Saskia’s giggles started again. It was the way Nikka had announced it. Like they were part of a special sex club.
“Nuani?” Saskia managed to ask, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes.
“Uh huh, and oh my god, it was so good!” Nikka looked as satisfied as a cat with a bowl of cream. “Absolutely no shame here.”
“Are you two seeing each other then?” Saskia took a bite of her ice cream.
“He wants to be exclusive, but I’m playing hard to get.” Nikka leaned forward conspiratorially. “Unlike Radik, Nuani is kind of a playboy. I’ve seen him messing around with other women in the village. I’m not going to commit until I know he’s serious about me.”
“But you’re serious about him?” It felt good chatting with a friend about their love lives. Natural, less complicated than other aspects of Saskia’s life.
Nikka nodded emphatically. “I’ve been in love with that man for years. I want to marry him and have his babies.”
“How many?” Saskia laughed.
“As many as I can get,” she said, licking a drip of ice cream from her finger. “Have you seen him? He’s gorgeous. We’re going to make some beautiful offspring.”
“Does he know this?” Saskia pulled her feet up onto her chair, sitting cross-legged.
“Not yet,” Nikka replied, “but he’ll find out when I’m pregnant. We aren’t using protection so it’s going to happen sooner or later.”
Saskia gaped at her, opening her mouth to deliver a lecture worthy of her late mother when it hit her. She hadn’t used protection either. “Oh shit,” she gasped her hand dropping to her stomach.
She wasn’t ready to be a mother. Not even close. She was practically a child herself. Okay, she wasn’t, but mentally she was definitely not yet mature enough for children.
Nikka gave her a knowing grin. “You and Radik would make some cute babies. Aren’t you ready?”
“Ready? We barely know each other,” she spluttered. “We have to figure our shit out first before we can even think about bringing an innocent child into our lives.”
“What shit?” Nikka pulled her leg up and rested her chin on her knee. “As far as I can see you’re both in love and have been that way for a long time, even if you weren’t physically together. Why wait? Don’t you like children?”
Why wait? There were so many reasons, but not of them came to her.
Instead, her mind conjured an image of her sister’s children, Kristoph and Adeline.
Saskia loved them more than almost anyone else on the planet.
They were sweet and fun, but they could also be little monsters when they wanted to be. And Saskia loved all of it.
“I adore children,” she admitted.
“Then maybe it’s time to start thinking about them. Wouldn’t it be fun if we got pregnant at the same time? Our kids could grow up together.”
Saskia needed to end the conversation before it went any further. She wasn’t ready to contemplate pregnancy quite yet. She’d have to talk to Radik about birth control.
“It’s time for bed,” she announced, standing.
They put their ice cream containers back in the freezer and said goodnight, each going their separate way.
As Saskia made her way back to her room, her thoughts were on her sister and her children.
Leeza had given birth to her son roughly around Saskia’s age now. Leeza always seemed so mature, so in control of her environment, that Saskia never thought about how scary it must have been for her to become a mother, in control of the destiny of an entire tiny human being.
She felt a new respect for her older sister, along with a longing to see her that was so intense, it froze Saskia in the doorway of her room. Leeza would know what to do and say in all the situations where Saskia felt like an alien stumbling around an unfamiliar planet.
What was Leeza doing now?
Saskia changed into her sleeping shorts and camisole, then crawled into her rumpled bed and stared broodingly out her window at the starry sky.
Leeza would’ve been frantic when Saskia went missing from Pretoria. She would have insisted on helping with Jozef’s investigation, but when they were unable to find Saskia’s whereabouts, she would’ve been sent home to her children. Like a proper mafia wife.
Saskia sat up, frowning.
Leeza wasn’t a proper mafia wife though. She was her own woman. She argued with both Havel and Jozef and usually got her way when she caused enough of a fuss. She wouldn’t stop searching for Saskia.
With the scent of Radik surrounding her and thoughts of seeing her sister again, Saskia fell quickly asleep.