Chapter Nine #2
He was looking at her with an expression of stone. For a moment, he said nothing, but merely took her hands in his. His eyes darkened, and he gave a single nod. “Do as you will.”
She explored his bare skin with her hands, tracing the muscles of his chest. He had the body of a soldier, and she admired the toned flesh. On impulse, she pressed her mouth to his heart, kissing his skin. He let out a ragged breath, revealing that he liked her touch.
She brought her lips to another part of his chest, marveling at the feeling of him.
But when her hands moved to his spine, she felt the scars from the fire.
She walked around him and touched his shoulders, tracing the edges of the reddened flesh.
She knew he had suffered in the flames, and that one of the monks had pulled him out.
His scars had healed, but the flesh was mottled and red.
Carice pressed her lips to his scars, as if she could heal him with a kiss.
And that was his breaking point. Raine spun and lifted her up, kissing her hard as he carried her to the pile of furs.
She delighted in the flood of desire that rolled over her in a wave of pleasure.
He pressed her down and lay atop her, his erection nestled against her stomach.
The sensation of his body upon hers awakened a craving that could not be satiated.
She felt the need to arch her hips, to welcome him within her.
Though she was a virgin, instinctive needs rushed over her skin. Between her legs, she was wet, and with every kiss, her desire heightened. Raine was thrusting against her skirts, his eyes closed as he fought for control.
This was what a wedding night was meant to be—a desperate urge to be joined with the husband she desired.
She closed her eyes, afraid that she might indeed be falling in love with this man. Never in her life had she wanted anything as much as she wanted him.
He rested his weight upon her, his expression tight as he slowed down. “Dieu, Carice, you’re killing me.”
She reached up to his hips. “I trust you, Raine. I know that you would never, ever do anything to hurt me.” The words were meant to reassure him, but instead, they seemed to have the opposite effect.
He stopped immediately and rolled to the side. His expression grew shielded, allowing no emotions. “I should not have let it go this far.”
“We only kissed,” she started to say, but he touched a finger to her lips.
“We did more than that, and you know this. It was wrong, Carice.”
“I wanted to touch you,” she confessed. “Why was it wrong?”
“Because you are not mine to take.” He stood up and donned his armor and tunic once more. “You don’t belong to me and never will.”
His words cut through the desire, leaving her cold.
She didn’t know what to say, but it felt as if he’d tossed her aside.
She should have been prepared for his response, but instead, her feelings were bruised by his rejection.
Everything about his demeanor had shifted into cool indifference.
She swallowed back the hurt. “Are you leaving?”
He nodded. “I’m going for a walk. Stay here and sleep. I’ll return soon.”
And when he closed the door behind him, an unexpected wave of anger passed over her. All of this was unfair...the illness, her body’s weakness. Why did this have to happen? What had she done to deserve this pain and suffering? Nothing at all.
Like as not, Raine had left because he thought her too fragile. He did not want to touch her because he found her thin body unattractive. Or perhaps he saw her as a duty, nothing more. Clearly, he had no interest in exploring the rising feelings, and his refusal had humiliated her.
Carice clenched her fingers in a fist and punched the furs. For the first time in years, she had reached for something she wanted, daring to let herself have feelings for a man. She’d wanted to believe that he had traveled with her because he cared, because he’d felt something too.
And it wounded her to realize that she was wrong.
Raine cursed himself with every step he took. I know that you would never, ever do anything to hurt me, she’d said.
Damn it all, but he loathed himself for betraying her like this. He had no right to her affections, no right to touch her. She wasn’t his, and he was a bastard for delivering her into the hands of her enemy. He didn’t deserve to touch her soft skin or taste the pleasures of her flesh.
Even if he didn't betray her, he couldn’t claim the sweetness of her body.
How could he take comfort in her arms when he’d been helpless to save his mother and sisters?
He had been trained to fight, and he should have done something.
..anything. Instead, his hesitation had resulted in death and suffering.
He lived with that guilt every day, and he was unworthy of happiness.
Not with Carice, not with anyone. She thought he had honor, when that was the furthest thing from the truth.
His life was cloaked in deceit and cowardice.
All he could do was continue forward on this path he’d forged, with the hope that he could some day save his sisters.
Raine told the guards at the crannog that he would be back soon, and he trudged across the wooden walkway that crossed the lake. The punishing night air was what he needed right now—something to cool the fires of lust that she’d kindled within him.
He walked through the forest leaves, his feet crunching against the ice.
The moon was low in the sky, for it was early yet.
They had come north, but now it was time to turn eastward.
If they traveled by night, and slept during the early part of the day, Carice might not notice the direction of the sun.
She would protest, but with any luck, this part of Ireland would be unfamiliar to her, since they had gone toward the north.
Raine paused when he reached the deepest part of the trees, resting his palms upon two narrow trees.
God help him, he should have known better than to kiss her.
Carice Faoilin was entirely too desirable.
Her touch had been an ember, slowly burning through his common sense.
He couldn’t grasp clear thoughts around her.
It was best to make a strong break, to keep himself apart. If he didn’t, he would never be able to go through with his plans. She was a means to an end, a way of getting close to the Ard-Righ.
A soft sound caught his attention, and he unsheathed his sword, turning sharply.
“You found the High King’s bride, I see.” Sir Darren lifted his palms to show he meant no harm, and Raine returned his weapon to its scabbard. His commander wore armor and a cloak lined with wolf’s fur. The man’s face held a slight smile, but there was an unspoken warning in his expression.
Raine had asked them to travel ahead to Tara, but it was clear that Sir Darren was unwilling to remain at a distance. “You cannot follow us this closely,” he warned the man. “Lady Carice will see our men and grow suspicious.”
“Then she came willingly with you?” The knight’s interest was kindled, and he gestured for them to walk farther through the woods.
Though Raine obeyed the silent command, he didn’t want to reveal too much. Sir Darren might try to interfere, and he couldn’t allow that. “Lady Carice believes I am taking her to her relatives along the western coast, far away from Tara.”
A slow smile curved over the knight’s face.
“Good. I am pleased that you have succeeded in capturing her. Without her knowledge, of course.” He slowed his pace when they neared the crannog.
“My men are camped half a mile back from here. I will give them orders to keep their distance. But should you have need of us, we won’t be far. ”
Raine had no need at all for soldiers, but he gave a nod. “I am leaving with her after midnight.” Before Sir Darren could speak, he continued. “Do not follow until dawn. She cannot see you, or all of this is for naught.”
The commander nodded. “So be it.” He eyed Raine a moment and said, “I hope you succeed in bringing down the Ard-Righ. King Henry will undoubtedly grant you whatever reward you seek.”
All he wanted was his sisters’ freedom. Raine said nothing at all, but kept his face impassive. “Hold your distance, Sir Darren.”
“So long as you keep to our plans, I see no reason to interfere.” But the subtle threat in his commander’s voice was unmistakable. Falter in this, and your family will suffer. Sir Darren would have no choice but to tell Henry if the outcome resulted in failure.
As the knight retreated, remaining in the shadow of the woods, Raine kept himself hidden. With any luck, Carice would be sleeping upon his return.
Carice knew exactly why Raine had fled. And while she understood that he was acting out of honor, she wasn’t at all interested in sleeping. Aye, she was tired, but more than weariness, she was tired of waiting to begin her life.
As an adolescent girl, she had waited to be betrothed.
She had journeyed to Tara at her father’s command, and it was then that she had caught the eye of the High King.
Rory was nearly as old as Brodie, and she had been appalled to realize that her father’s ambitions had led him to sacrifice his firstborn at the altar of matrimony, in order to raise his own status.
The idea of consummating a marriage with the High King made her stomach turn. But it would never happen. Not if she escaped with Raine.
Carice suspected he was already regretting his decision to escort her west. She had allowed her heart and body to steal all common sense from her.
He was right to push her away before it went too far.
Her body was too weak and unattractive anyway.
He wouldn’t want to lie with her, simply because she wanted to be in his arms.