Chapter Twelve #3
He glanced back at the path leading east and finally brought his horse closer to hers. His expression was shielded, though she saw a glimpse of emotion behind it. She beckoned for him to come nearer, and when their horses were alongside each other, she took his hand.
“I do not regret what happened between us last night. I remember every moment, and it makes me smile.” Her heart lay in her words, and she hoped he would feel the same.
Raine squeezed her hand, and admitted, “I will never forget you, Carice.”
His words were a physical blow, shattering her hopes. Her eyes welled up with tears, knowing that he really was giving up, and he intended to go through with this. With effort, she managed to speak. “Somehow, I wanted to believe that you might change your mind.”
“About what?” Though his tone was questioning, she heard the wariness in his voice.
She pointed skyward, toward the sun. “About taking me to Tara.”
The sudden transformation of his expression told her that she’d guessed correctly. His mouth tightened, and his eyes held a bleakness. When he didn’t speak, she continued, “We’ve been traveling east all day. And we’ve been going east since we left Laochre. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
A thread of ice ran through her veins, but he made no denial. He looked at her squarely and said quietly, “I hoped you wouldn’t.”
Her heart ached, but she forced herself to continue. “You knew those Norman soldiers,” she said softly. “That is why they didn’t attack us. Because they were your men all along, weren’t they?”
“My commander was there,” he agreed. “They’ve been following us.”
The coldness within her seemed to fill up every empty space. She was trying to keep from crying, but it took every effort to hold back her grief. “And that was why you weren’t at all afraid of disobeying orders,” she guessed. “Because you were following their commands the entire time.”
He took a step forward. “Carice, you—”
“I what? I wasn’t supposed to know about what you were really doing?
” She pressed her lips together. “I suspected that something was wrong. But when you took care of me while I was ill, I wanted to believe differently. I wanted to imagine that you would keep your promises to me. But that was never a possibility, was it?”
He made no denial. “You do not understand my reasons.”
“You’re wrong. I understand quite well. You believe that the king will free your sisters if you obey their orders.” Her voice softened, and she gripped her hands together, wishing he would break free of the Normans.
“I don’t believe they will let your sisters go,” she continued, “for without that threat, they cannot control you.” A tear slid down her cheek, and he moved forward to wipe it away.
The touch of his hand only brought more tears to her eyes.
“I suppose I deserve this. For I tried to manipulate you as well. I lay with you last night, hoping you would change your mind about delivering me into their hands.”
Raine caressed her cheek, and in his eyes, she saw his remorse. “You never had to lower yourself in that way.”
“I didn’t believe that was what it was,” she confessed. “For whether or not you believe it, I was falling in love with you. I gave myself to you because you were the only man I ever wanted. And before I die, I wanted a moment to be close to you.”
He drew her palm to his mouth. “You deserve a better man than me, chérie. I should not have stolen your innocence. And I regret that I cannot change what happened.”
“You can change what will happen.” She remained motionless, praying that he would let her go. “Don’t give me over to Rory. Not if you care for me at all.”
He said nothing, and as time stretched on, her hopes sank. No matter how much she wanted to believe it, he would not put her above his orders. With sadness, she pulled back her hand. “What do you plan to do with me now?”
The stoic look on his face only drove the invisible knife deeper into her heart. And she knew that there was no going back.
“Don’t weep,” he said. “I swear to you, Rory will never touch you.”
Then why was he bringing her to Tara? From the intensity on his face, it appeared that he was holding something back. She wanted to ask him his reasons, but the moment she began to speak, he moved in and kissed her hard.
His mouth moved over hers, reminding her of the hours they had spent in each other’s arms. She surrendered to him, welcoming the affection and wishing to God he would turn away from this course.
Raine dried her tears, holding her face while he tried to tell her the words he couldn’t speak. “Trust in me, Carice. You will not wed him. Not while I am breathing.”
She didn’t understand, but neither could she let go of her fears. He was indeed involved in something dangerous, and from the haunted look in his eyes, it did concern the High King.
“You could let me go,” she whispered. “Ride away from me, and I’ll return to Casheldrum until I can get another escort. No one would need to know what happened.”
“The Normans will find you. It’s too late for that.” He took her hand in his and pointed toward the horizon. “They are waiting for us, just over the rise of that hill.”
Her throat closed up with fear, but she tried one last time. “And what would you do if I turned my horse and rode back? Would you hunt me down?”
The dark expression on his face sent a chill through her. “Yes. I would.”