Chapter 42
CHAPTER
FORTY-TWO
JULIUS
My mind had been struggling with a decision, going back and forth an obscene number of times, trying to decide what was right or wrong. The thoughts consumed me until there was no doubt left inside me, knowing what would come of last night.
I had no peace of mind, blaming myself for what happened to Isla.
I should have fought her more. I should have banned her from being around Melody.
I should have threatened Melody to stay away from Isla.
There were so many things I could have done, and still, it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference.
We’d always revisit this same spot, to this place and time when Isla and I weren’t seeing eye to eye. It was more than that. We’d been avoiding each other, or maybe it was me. I didn’t want to fight with her, so I threw myself into work. It kept me out of the house.
Maybe that was another problem. Maybe she was lonely, or perhaps she found something in Melody we’d never be able to understand.
I still knew so little about her, but what I did know was all horrible.
Isla was an orphan. It was only natural she’d feel some motherly connection to Melody.
I should have been more understanding and tried to be more patient with her.
I didn’t, and now, she was hurting in ways I understood more than anything in this world. The aftermath of Hurricane Melody was usually filled with utter devastation for whoever was within a five-foot radius of her. She was pulling.
Catastrophic.
Tragic.
Isla never stood a chance.
At least it happened sooner rather than later. Although time never mattered when you believed in someone. They could hurt you in a day, just as they could hurt you in five years. The only difference was the memories acquired over that time.
I didn’t sleep a wink, and by the time I arrived at the house, it was around noon. Placing my hand on the doorknob, I halted before walking back into my broken home. Melody once again took the hammer, smashing it into a million pieces.
Call it intuition.
The air pressure was changing.
The calm before the storm.
Flipping on the light as I walked in, I threw my keys on the entry table, making my way into the kitchen. Within seconds, I saw Melody in our backyard. She was placing G.I. Joe figurines on the steps that led to the porch.
“I knew it,” I whispered to myself.
The gut feeling I had for years that she was the one behind the random shit we’d find in our backyard was true all along. This woman knew no bounds, no respect, no damn remorse.
I wasn’t sure if it was the smile on Melody’s face as she placed the toys around the backyard, or if it was remembering the heartbroken expression on Isla’s face when the clock struck midnight, but the little bit of restraint I had left broke right along with my last nerve and mercy for her.
With one foot in front of the other, I stormed out there. This caused her to lose her footing, stumbling back to remain upright from the impact of my looming presence.
She raised her hands in front of her in a surrendering gesture. “Julius, I’m so sorr—”
“This is how it’s going to go down,” I gritted through a clenched jaw, close to her face.
Fueling the rage that lived deep in my core.
“You’re going to listen to everything I have to say, whether you want to or not.
I’m done playing your little games of when it’s convenient for you to keep your meaningless promises. ”
“Julius—”
“I told you! I warned you to stay away from us, but you couldn’t listen, and you did what you wanted, like you always do, and now you have to deal with my wrath for what you put Isla through last night.
Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?
How much she believed in you? Trusted in what you had to say.
How can you keep doing this to people you claim to care about?
What the hell are you made of, Melody? Because I know you don’t have a heart. ”
“I’m still your mothe—”
Without warning, I lifted her in the air and threw her over my shoulder as if she weighed nothing, before rushing back into the house.
We weren’t doing this outside, and I knew she’d try to run from me the second it became too hard.
She’d do anything to avoid what she knew was coming from me.
It wouldn’t be the first time she’d take off, but it would be the last, except this time, she wasn’t going to leave without hearing everything I had to say.
This would be the first and last time I’d say it to her. After this, I’d be through with her. No more.
I was done.
Finished.
Game fucking over.
I was putting an end to it all.
“Julius, put me down!” she ordered. “What are you doing?!”
I didn't falter. “Not a problem!” I slammed her ass down onto the kitchen island stool before crouching down to lean in close to her face. Close enough, she could feel the venom from my tongue.
Glaring deep into her vacant eyes for the first time in years, I looked past her demons, needing to see the real woman staring back at me. I needed to feel her on every inch of my skin. It was the only way I’d be able to get rid of her.
The mother I once wanted was in my mind, buried under all the pain. Hidden behind all the happy memories that had become my worst nightmares.
Escaping, be back in ten, that became seven years.
The cold, brutal realization hit me right then and there. At the end of the day, she’d always be my mother, the woman who gave me life.
“Do you even care?” I asked, needing to hear the truth.
“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to see you?
Or how bad it hurts that I’m looking at you right now, and I have no idea who this woman is staring back at me?
She’s not my mother,” I confessed, leaning back on the heels of my boots, shaking my head.
Her eyes quickly glazed over. My words hit her hard, breaking through the facade that everything was perfect. Last night was my last straw. She couldn’t do that to Isla and get away with it. Not on my watch.
Giving into the rage, I spewed, “There are days that hurt so bad that you weren’t here that it felt like I was dying…
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat.
Hanging on by a thread, trying to take care of my little brother, who wasn’t much younger than I was.
I had to feed him, clothe him, provide for him…
for fuck’s sake, Melody. I was twelve years old.
I was a kid. A child raising a child. Your son! ”
Her lips trembled.
“I had to drop out of school to pay the bills. You have no idea what I’ve had to do to pay the mortgage, put food on the table, and make sure CPS stayed off our asses, so Kraven and I wouldn’t be split up because I couldn’t lose him, too.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she relived what I was sharing.
“I had no life outside of making sure we keep a roof over our heads until Isla came along, and all you’ve done is make us argue since you decided to show back up and play mother of the year.”
“I… I… I…”
“You what? Huh? You want to apologize again? You want to beg me for forgiveness this time on your hands and knees? What is it that you want from us that you haven’t already stolen?
We’re nothing more than the toys you leave behind in the backyard.
You play with us when you want and then throw us away just as easily. ”
“Julius, I love—”
“Don’t you fucking dare!”
She wept, pissing me off further.
In one roar, I snapped, “I’m not your son anymore, Melody.
I never was. I don’t have love for you. Do you understand me?
Are you hearing me? Because I don’t fucking love you!
You mean nothing to me! Nothing! In fact…
” I leaned forward, close to her face. With no hesitation, I added, “I fucking hate you.”
She cried with a low sob. The consequences she’d have to pay. It was all there, right there in front of her.
Me.
Lost in my own thoughts, in my own conviction, I fumed, “This is my life, Melody. There’s no turning back for me. You stole my childhood. Seven. Fucking. Years.”
Tears rolled down the sides of her face, and I counted each one.
“For years, I made excuses for you, and I just couldn’t do it anymore,” I scoffed out, pausing to let my words sink in. “You will always be nothing but a drunk, an addict, a sorry-ass excuse for a mother. We deserved better than you and so did Isla.”
Her chest rising and falling, contemplating what to say. I could see her mind spinning out of control. Opening her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
I couldn’t shield her anymore.
Not from demons.
Her truths.
Her future with us.
The failure she was.
“Julius, I…” she whispered, crying deeply. “My only job was to protect you, but I failed you both.”
“Enough with the sob story! You didn’t even try!”
I heard the front door open. In seconds, Kraven walked into the kitchen with Isla behind him.
“What the hell is going on?” he asked, looking back and forth between us.
You could feel the tension in the air. It was heavy, thick, suffocating.
“What is she doing here?”
“Kraven, I—” She saw Isla standing against the frame, her arms folded over her chest.
She looked like she’d been crying all night, making me feel worse for leaving. I couldn’t see her cry again.
Not for Melody.
“I’m so sorry, Isla,” she expressed, trying to walk over to her. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Enough!” I ordered, grabbing her arm and holding her in place.
She wasn’t going to get anywhere near Isla.
Not now and not ever again.