Chapter 5 #2
Finally, the medics helped Cade into the back of the truck and Jesse shook Phil’s hand. Then he turned toward where I leaned against the side of the Meadowbrook truck. Tucking his chin down, he made quick work of the distance between us, stopping a few feet away.
“Hi,” I said, my voice sounding wispy and shallow.
He said nothing; just stared down at me, his eyes a tortured blend of light and shadow.
His composure cracked. A sudden, ragged breath filled his lungs as tears welled in his eyes.
His jaw ticked and his throat rolled on a deep swallow.
He pressed his lips together, fighting the way they had started to tremble.
No, I didn’t know what it was like to almost lose a child, but I knew with intimate familiarity the way a single moment could change you forever.
How life could force you, with no warning whatsoever, to pick up your weapons and fight—no matter if you were already weary.
I knew how a single sixty second stretch of time could haunt you for years—every time you closed your eyes.
Compassion churned my heart into mush.
“Jesse.” I whispered, “Are you—”
My words were cut off by a bear hug.
In one swift motion, Jesse’s arms wrapped around my shoulders and crushed me against him. He dipped his face into the cradle of my shoulder as a silent sob shook his body. My hands lifted, gently hugging him back.
“Hollie.” His voice was an aching rasp. His shoulders pulsed on a sob but he stifled any noise, keeping his tone even. He squeezed tighter. Each word was labored, heavy with emotion. “Thank…you…” His inhale shuddered against me.
Relief and warmth and desperation leaked from his hug, surged into my veins, and filled my eyes with tears. I curled my head against him, snuggling in. He needed to be held for a moment.
Maybe I did too.
He kept trying to talk even though it was hard for him. “I…I can’t…thank you enough.”
I opened my palm, rubbing it across the plane of his shoulders. Defaulting to my maternal instincts, I gently shushed him.
His words were a warm whisper on my neck. “I don’t know what I would’ve done…if…”
I squeezed him firmly, stopping his train of thoughts. “There’s no use in what ifs.”
“You’re right,” he croaked. Suddenly, he pushed back, space yawning wide between us. His pink-rimmed eyes studied me for a long moment before darting to the back of the ambulance doors. “I have to go.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
He looked to the open truck doors where my daughters were wrecking havoc. “Do you want to follow us there?”
My eyes widened at the idea of driving the Meadowbrook truck. “You believe I can drive that thing?”
“It’s automatic,” he said, like that fact alone would cure any and all trepidation.
“It’s huge.”
“What do you normally drive?”
“A Volvo.”
He twisted his cheek with a tsk-tsk-tsk sound as his eyes bounced between the vehicles in indecision.
“Maybe…maybe Cade would be alright if I drove with you guys then met back up with him at the ER.” Even as he said it, he swiped a hand through his hatless hair, drawing attention to the fact that his hands were still shaking uncontrollably.
Yeah, he had no business behind a wheel right now.
I put on my big girl panties. “I’m sure I can figure it out. Wide turns, right?”
A surge of relief softened the lines in his brow. “Yeah…yeah, just wide turns. Especially right hand. Brake early. Take your time accelerating.”
“Surely I can manage.” I offered him my most reassuring smile. I brushed my fingers along his forearm, the touch feather light. “Will you be okay?”
He sucked a deep breath that expanded his rib cage. “Jury’s still out.” He made a soft laughing sound even though he didn’t really smile.
I smiled though. For both of us. “That’s fair.”
When he said nothing, I clapped my hands against my thighs and took a backward step toward the behemoth I was supposed to pilot through San Antonio traffic. “Well, I guess we’ll see you there?”
“Yeah,” his voice nearly disappeared before brightening. “Oh! You need keys.” He patted around his butt and side pockets until he produced a set of keys that probably weighed more than my purse.
My eyes bulged at the jangling set of metal.
A soft smile pulled into his face as he sorted through the key ring and held out the correct one. I took the key from his hand, our fingers brushing. “Thanks,” I said, suddenly sad to see him go.
With that, I jumped into the driver’s seat and had a miniature panic attack when I could barely see over the steering wheel.
“Do you want someone to come get you?” Mom’s voice sounded tinny though the phone.
The girls bounced along the brick path, spinning hand-in-hand as if the courtyard garden at the children’s hospital was made just for them.
I trailed slowly behind them. The urban Texas air was hot, thick.
The sun beat down on us and sweat dripped down my back.
I’d prefer to find a cozy spot inside the hospital where there was air conditioning, but the girls needed a moment of freedom.
If I was smart, I would insist that a family member come get me. There was nothing for the girls and I to really “do” here at the hospital besides wait and hover.
I opened my mouth to say, “yes, have someone come get us,” but the words stuck in my throat.
The memory of Jesse’s desperate hug and red eyes cut through my midsection every time I considered leaving.
Something about riding off into the sunset while he waited to make sure Cade didn’t have airway trauma didn’t sit right with me.
I, for one, wouldn’t want to wait alone.
I knew how exhausting it was to be strong all the time, to be the level-headed one when you wanted to weep, and to be dependable simply because you were the only adult in the room.
Was he a single parent? I wanted to ask my mom, but didn’t.
She might read into it.
I lacked enough information to draw conclusions about Jesse, but that didn’t stop me from wondering about his situation.
Why didn’t he pick up the phone and call Cade’s mother?
Where was she? If something happened to the girls, I would immediately call Garrett, no matter what stood between us. Even if I knew he wouldn’t pick up.
“Honey? Did I lose you?”
I shook my thoughts back to the present. “No. Sorry. I’m here.”
“Let me talk to your dad and see if he will—”
“I don’t know, Mom. I don’t feel right leaving Jesse.”
She went silent for a moment. “I’m sure he was shaken up. Understandably.”
“He definitely was.” The feel of his arms constricting me flickered across my memory. “My heart can’t handle the idea of leaving him alone.”
She gave a soft sigh. “You’ve always looked out for other people.” Wistfulness wove into her tone. “I love that about you.”
Compliments from my mother felt fake. Maybe they were real, but they chaffed against my heart nonetheless. Plus, looking out for other people never did me any good anyway.
“You think you’ll stay then?”
“Yeah, we’re going to stay.”
“Okay, Jesse is lucky to have you with him.” Lucky man—I wanted to laugh at the thought.
“Thanks, Mom. We’ll see you guys later. Hopefully in a couple hours.”
“Okay, honey. Kiss the girls for me.”
Before we even hung up, my phone rang again.