Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
Jesse
Ilaid in the truck bed, looking up at the stars. Hollie’s fingers were entwined with mine, and towels loosely draped around our wet bodies. The truck speakers cycled through my playlist, filling the night with a backdrop of gentle tunes.
Packing a quilt to lay on had been smart. I figured we might end up looking at the stars, because it was a clear night and the stars in Comfort were incredible. Even so, I had to work hard to keep my hands to myself. Especially after seeing Hollie in the scraps of fabric she called a swimsuit.
A swimsuit that Bea did, in fact, lend to Hollie.
Bea clearly had motives of some kind.
We’d visited the tiny restaurant in town and got two orders of chicken fingers, french fries, honey mustard, and sweet tea and brought them back to the river.
Sitting on the edge of the tailgate, we slowly munched as we talked each other’s heads off the entire time.
We discussed parents and siblings, the way we were raised, our past marriages, personality types, the future of the ranch, our kids, and so many other things.
No topic was off the table. Two and a half hours flew by.
It had already fallen dark by the time we decided to jump in the river.
Swimming with Hollie was nothing short of wildly euphoric.
Moonlight glinted off the dark water and flowed around her body as she flirted with me.
She taught me games her family used to play in the pool and we laughed like two drunk kids.
I relished every second, trying hard not to remember they were our last together until who knew when.
Water trickled from her hairline and her white smile glowed in the darkness.
The river weighed her curls down, revealing the true length of her hair—midway down her back.
Laser-focused on every single detail about Hollie, my hands found her sides and I pulled her closer.
Our kisses were slow and passionate, saying for us all the things we agreed not to say.
But all night, three words begged for release.
I love you.
I wanted to say it, but I wouldn’t say it flippantly. Maybe I’d grip her arms and shake her a little so she knew I wasn’t messing around. Or fall on my knees. Or get tears in my eyes. My voice would crack and I’d barely manage to push the words out.
However they came, they would sound a hell of a lot like a promise.
So I choked on them instead.
Looking at the stars, our conversations turned quiet and pensive.
We dove deep into each others’ hearts and minds and it felt exactly like it should—safe.
Hollie shifted until her head rested on my shoulder, and her damp curls pressed against the bottom of my chin.
Her sigh of contentment made me sigh too.
This felt right. In every single way.
After a time of quiet, she murmured, “I could fall asleep right here.”
“Me too. In fact, I have. There’s been a few times I’ve pulled the truck as close as possible to the river and fallen asleep in the truck bed while Cade fished.
” I gave a bitter chuckle, recalling my state of mind all those years ago.
“There was definitely survival mode parenting happening down here.”
She squeezed me. “Nothing wrong with that. We all need a quiet space for letting our guards down—survival parenting and all.”
“Do you have a place like that? A place you go when you need to just be alone?”
She fell quiet for a few long moments. “I used to. But it’s been years.”
“Tell me about it.”
Her hold on me stiffened. I rubbed her back more firmly, encouraging her to relax. She did, but only after she gave a soft, embarrassed laugh. “I feel silly. My place seems so juvenile after all this time.”
“Did Garrett use the word silly when he talked about you?”
She tipped her chin to look up at me, her brow furrowing. “Yeah, he actually did. Why?”
“Beacuse you always call yourself silly when you’re about to reveal something that isn’t silly in the slightest.”
“Do I really?”
“Almost every time.”
She pressed her cheek against my shoulder again. “Wow,” she whispered. “I had no idea I did that.”
I dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “I bet your place isn’t silly or juvenile in any way.”
Emotion threaded into her soft huff. She took a shaky inhale, gearing up.
“There was this bowling alley close to our house. It wasn’t part of a strip or anything like that—just a standalone bowling alley straight out of the nineties.
We went there a lot as little kids. When I was seventeen, I started parking my car behind the alley and shining my headlights over the back wall.
” She softly laughed. “Um, anyway, I danced in front of the headlights so I could watch my shadow on the wall. Anytime, something happened in my life that I needed to work through emotionally, I would go there and just dance.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“I’m not sure why, but something about making my darkness move…
it spoke to me. But, I realize how melodramatic that probably sounds. ”
I sunk my hand into her curls, choosing to listen instead of respond.
“Actually, the house Garett bought me had this huge balcony on it. It was gorgeous, made out of stone, hanging over a perfectly manicured lawn. I was totally obsessed because…I wanted to dance on it. And, at night, if the lights in the house were on, you could stand on the balcony and see your shadow stretch all the way across the yard. I begged Garrett to dance with me there, but…” Her words trailed off.
“Did he?”
“No, he didn’t. For a while, I thought it was because I embarrassed him, but that wasn’t it. He knew practicing that kind of vulnerability made me stronger. I’m honest with myself when I dance, and I think he was afraid of that.”
“Did you ever dance there alone?”
“Once. But I felt so foolish, I never did again.”
I grunted, trying to hide the way her story made my heart race.
I’d bet Garrett was a lot more malicious than she believed him to be, and that scared me.
What if he told her lies and she fell for them again?
I was going to be worried sick about her.
“Well, I have something to say. And it’s going to completely shock you. ”
I shifted her up until we were face to face, chest to chest. Her eyes beamed with curiosity.
“Not one bit of that was silly.”
She laughed, the sound bringing more peace to my heart than the river. I dragged my thumb over her lips, my eyes roaming over each of her features because I was running out of time to commit them to memory. Looking into her deep, brown eyes, it felt like my heart might come out of my chest.
But suddenly she frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“What?”
“I see something in your eyes. What’s on your mind?”
I hadn’t even realized I was pondering something until she pointed it out. “I was thinking about you and Garrett.”
Her hand skimmed up my sternum, coming to rest on my cheek. “What about us?”
“I’m afraid he’s going to swoop in and try to win your heart again. And I won’t be there to protect you.”
Hollie shook her head. “I’m not going back to him, Jesse. For so long I thought reconciliation with Garrett would always be the better choice, but I don’t believe that anymore.”
“What changed?”
“A couple things. I realized that my parents reconciling after my mom’s affair was definitely admirable but not the healthy choice for every marriage.” She let out a soft laugh. “And then…I met you, Jesse.”
A sad smile tugged at my cheeks.
She whispered, “I didn’t realize how dark my world was until I met you.”
“Hollie.”
“I’m serious, Jesse. You’ve opened my eyes to so much. I couldn’t go back now. I’ve grown so accustomed to feeling like a problem all the time, that meeting you and feeling valuable and capable again has completely changed my life.”
“I’m glad but…” A curl fell into her face and I pushed it back, whispering, “I’m still going to be worried sick about you.”
“Don’t be. Mom and Dad are going to help me move out and list the house. I won’t be doing anything alone.”
“Promise me you won’t meet him alone.” I dragged a hand through her hair, hating the way my heart ached. “Not for anything.”
“I promise, Jesse.” She blinked and tears welled in her eyes. “You’ll call me a lot, right?”
“I’ll probably drive you mad.”
Her giggle deteriorated into a whine as she set her forehead against my own. “I don’t think that’s possible. I miss you already.”
Slowly, she pressed her lips to my cheek then below my ear.
A breathy groan rose from my chest as she leaned to trail kisses down my neck.
My whole body shuddered, and I gripped the back of her head, pulling her mouth to mine.
She sunk into my chest—her skin melting against mine.
Familiar with her mouth, I took my sweet time kissing her, tasting one lip then the other.
Eager for deeper, her mouth opened, and I tangled one hand into the back of her hair, pressing her in, as my other hand traveled the arch of her back and toyed with the strap tied at the back of her neck.
When we pulled apart, our breaths were ragged and my voice scraped. “I want to dance with you.”
Her smile glimmered in the dark. “Let’s do it.”
“But I want to try something that might feel kind of vulnerable.”
Her brows rose. “Like what?”
“Just wait and see. If you want to stop, we’ll stop.”
She nodded once. “Okay.”
Out of the truck bed, I slipped on my t-shirt and made my way to the truck.
Hollie searched for her dress and waited by the tailgate for me.
Snatching my phone from the console, I pulled up my playlists, wanting slow and romantic songs.
In hindsight, I should’ve prepared a list for this moment, but I didn’t have time.
Honestly, it hadn’t even crossed my mind.
My usual list was just favorites—a total gamble if I hit shuffle.
But I had one other list—one that Laurel and I listened to.
A playlist called Us.