Chapter 43 #2
They were songs she called swoony and romantic. I’d listened to them with her so many times they were imprinted on my soul. Perfect for slow dances. Hollie would like them, too.
A beat of conflict in my chest caused my thumb to hover over the playlist.
I wanted to share them with Hollie. I wanted her to love these songs with me, too.
But they were Laurel’s.
I rubbed my lips together, still feeling Hollie pressed against me. Still aching for her. Still aching for Laurel. Still worried I’d somehow lose them both forever.
“I love you, Laurel. You know I always will.” My nose stung as I whispered. “I love Hollie, too.” I wasn’t sure Laurel could hear me, but I needed to hear my own confession. “I’m going to use our songs, because I think you’d like to see me happy while I listen to them.”
With shaking hands, I double checked my bluetooth connection, upped the volume, hit shuffle, then play.
Dust to Dust by the Civil Wars.
Heat rose to my eyes as the starting chords reverberated through the truck speakers, carving a hole into my chest—the pain and longing and hope so intertwined I couldn’t tell where each started and began. But maybe that was exactly how this moment should feel.
Then I did the final thing.
I flicked on the headlights, washing the grassy riverbank in a soft blanket of yellow.
My heart threatened to come out of my chest as I grabbed Hollie’s hand and tugged her toward the front of the truck. As I pulled her into the stream of light, her eyes widened with understanding and darted toward the river where our shadows stretched all the way to the other bank.
Larger than life, looming, distorted. Darkness we could dance with.
She pressed her trembling lips together as her brow furrowed.
“Watch us,” I whispered, more demanding than I meant to be.
“Jesse.” Her whisper came out on a whimper.
“I want you to see how beautiful you are when you dance.”
I lifted her right hand as my other found her waist, pressing her close to me.
The ends of her red dress brushed against my legs as we started to move.
She tucked her ear against my collarbone, watching our shadows, swaying as one.
For the entire first song, we did little.
Just moved, breathed, and watched. Hollie cried a little, and I rubbed her back.
Somehow, the moment was incredibly powerful to me, too.
It felt like a symbol—facing our shadows arm in arm.
They proved our humanity, proved we were tethered to the earth whether we liked it or not.
And proved, with a single swath of light, that we didn’t have to be alone.
Tears slipped out of my eyes, and I squeezed them closed, kissing the top of Hollie’s head.
A beat of silence fell before good old Elvis Presley crooned over the banks of the Guadalupe.
Can’t Help Falling In Love.
“We’re actually going to dance now,” I whispered. “You ready?”
She sniffed, nodded, and watched us the whole time.
The semi’s engine rumbled, siren-like in the early morning.
Tag and I had parked the rigs as far from the big house as possible, knowing the roar would disturb the guests.
I stomped, slammed doors, and murmured cuss words the entire time we loaded horses—acting like a bratty child but too heartbroken to give a damn.
Hollie and I didn’t get to bed until about 1 a.m., which meant I was running on three and a half hours of sleep.
And every time I closed my eyes—which was often—I felt her.
Her lips on mine, our fingers entwined, our anguished goodbyes.
Each phantom touch hit my chest like a dagger—dragging through flesh, ripping me open. The intense pain surprised me. I knew her leaving would hurt, but I didn’t know it would feel like this.
I climbed the step rail into the truck, leaving my heart behind on the gravel. Swallowing deep, I put on my headset, threw the truck into drive, and lead the way down the driveway—Tag’s rig trailing behind.
Cade, sitting in the passenger’s seat, had his arms folded over his chest and his cowboy hat pulled low over his eyes. He’d made his feelings known about Hollie and the girls leaving, too. He hated it.
We were a sorry pair.
My phone rang. Lifting my toe off the gas, I slowed to check my screen.
Hollie?
She shouldn’t be up this early. I swiped across the screen, the call automatically routing to my headgear. “Hollie!”
In my peripheral vision, Cade perked up.
She panted into the phone. “Wait! I’m coming!”
“Where are you?”
“I’m—running through—the barnyard.”
A laugh lifted from my chest. “Why?”
“I have to—say goodbye.”
I downshifted, slowing the semi. Tag slowed behind me. “We said goodbye last night.”
“One more.”
A huge smile pulled into my cheeks as I set the breaks and let the truck idle. “Cade, hang on. I’ll be right back.”
I threw open my door and jumped down to the gravel, my eyes landing on Hollie coming down the driveway. Her light t-shirt and shorts made her look like a streak of light in the darkness. I picked up my pace, jogging the length of the trailer.
Her curls were wild and free, tossing back as she ran toward me with a smile.
We met halfway between my truck and Tag’s, and she launched up and into my arms. An exhale tumbled out of my lungs as the force of her body knocked the wind of me.
My hat tumbled to the ground and my hands cupped her upper thighs, supporting her as she gripped my neck.
I pressed my smile into the crook of her shoulder and relished in the warmth of her embrace.
She pushed back to look down at me, her heavy breaths bathing my face. “I had to kiss you—one more time.” She smelled like fresh mint, and I smiled bigger when I realized she’d rolled out of bed and brushed her teeth for this moment.
I pressed my lips together, stifling more laughter playing in my throat. “We didn’t do enough of that last night?”
She shook her head. “No.”
Leaning down, she crushed her lips against mine, the kiss frenzied.
Her fingers scraped over my scalp as she angled her head for a deeper kiss, squeezing the life out of me with her legs.
I was awake now. A fire lit in my belly as she softly hummed.
Gripping her legs, I hauled her closer—if that was possible—and one hand slid to her back, sliding all the way into her hair.
In only a few seconds, the vice grip of Hollie’s legs fell loose, and she slid down the front of my body until I set her toes on the ground. Tag’s headlights glinted off the tears in her eyes. “I know you have to go.”
My eyelids felt heavy as I stared at her mouth.
What a wake up. I couldn’t find my tongue.
Finally, I dragged my eyes to hers.
Hollie’s gaze darted toward Tag’s semi and she turned her face toward the darkness, suddenly aware we had an audience. She squeezed my hands. “Goodbye, Jesse.”
I pulled her closer, brushing my lips over hers one more time.
With that, she turned back the way she came, disappearing into the dark beyond Tag’s trailer.
The engines faded back into my awareness and I glanced up at Tag’s window to see it rolled all the way down and Tag’s elbow sticking out.
He stared down at me from under the brim of his hat and raised his voice over the racket. “That was one hell of a goodbye.”
It was one I’d never forget.