Chapter 19
nineteen
For a moment, Rob thought he’d walked into the wrong house.
For starters, some of Lulu’s wild-looking Christmas decorations were missing.
Not all, but some of the most obnoxious ones had been removed.
But what really took him by surprise was seeing what looked like Jane—the old Jane—standing in the foyer and holding to the stair newel post. She had her old hair back and was wearing an attractive gown the color of sapphires and emeralds.
“Jane?” Keeping his eyes fixed on her, and hoping this wasn’t a dream, he peeled off his snow-flecked coat, hanging it on the hall tree, and went to her.
As he embraced her, he noticed her wheelchair parked behind her, and Lulu and Olivia lurking in the shadows.
“Is this really you?” He peered into her face. “You look beautiful.”
“I know I’m not supposed to put weight on my bad hip yet, but I just wanted to stand to greet you.”
He kissed her, then chuckled. “I thought I was hallucinating for a moment. It’s so good to see you like this. How did you get your hair back to normal?”
She explained about Cindy’s hairdresser daughter procuring a wig and how her dress was a gift from Lulu. “And thanks to Olivia’s help, some of the decorations have been toned down.” She glanced at her mother.
“Looks much better,” Lulu admitted. “I guess I did get carried away at the dollar store.”
Olivia wheeled the chair closer to Jane. “You shouldn’t overdo it, Mom.”
“I’ll help with that,” Rob offered.
“Thanks.” Olivia smiled, then glanced at something on her phone. “I have an appointment in a few minutes, so I guess I better get going.”
For the first time in days Rob thought his daughter appeared sincerely happy.
He suspected the relationship between her and Malcolm was steadily warming, but he didn’t want to upset Jane by mentioning it.
It was one thing for his wife to be in good spirits and feeling more like herself, even with hosting all the McEntires tonight for Christmas Eve, but it was something else for her to entertain thoughts of having one of their clan becoming a permanent member of the Bradshaw family.
Baby steps, he thought as he helped ease Jane into the chair.
“And it’s time for me to go help Cindy,” Lulu said as she tugged on a puffy parka. “Wait’ll you see all the appetizers she and her girls have whipped up. We will be feasting like kings tonight.”
“Making me hungry.” Rob pushed Jane’s wheelchair into the living room, pausing by her favorite armchair.
“I’m feeling festive,” Rob said as he helped Jane into the chair. “And you sure do look festive.”
“Well, this is Christmas Eve,” she said as she smoothed her skirt.
“So how about we start celebrating with some eggnog?” he offered.
“Your special recipe?” Her eyes twinkled.
“Of course.” He grinned. “I got all the ingredients the other day. Thought we could use some extra help stirring up our Christmas cheer this year.” He stopped himself from reminding her of their houseful of guests later this evening.
But as he mixed their eggnogs, he had it in mind and was perhaps a bit more generous with the brandy.
And since Jane was no longer taking pain meds, he didn’t think it would hurt.
He put their drinks on a Christmas tray, added some napkins and a plate of delicious-looking cookies, then carried it out to her and set it on the coffee table.
“Very nice.” She nodded her approval.
He handed her a mug, then made a toast. “Here’s to a wonderful holiday, unlike anything we’ve ever had before.”
Her forehead creased slightly. “No doubt.”
He sat in the chair next to her as they sipped their drinks. “I’m so proud of you, Jane.”
“Proud of me?” Her brows arched.
“The way you’re handling things. I know this Christmas hasn’t been easy for you.” And, he thought, it could get even harder if Olivia and Malcolm moved in the direction he suspected they were headed. Not that he planned to mention that.
She sighed and looked around, frowning slightly, probably disapproving of Lulu’s bright touches still sprinkled about. “You’re right. So much this year has been out of control and extremely difficult. I have to admit I really did want to cancel Christmas.”
“Yes, but look at you. Out here being cheerful.” He beamed at her. “And beautiful. Honestly, sweetie, I’m very impressed.”
“I’m trying.” Her smile looked weak but genuine.
Rob glanced at the flameless fireplace, white and pristine and cold.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Jane said quietly.
“It’s Christmas, Jane. Remember when we used to have real wood fires in that?”
“Back when it was brick and ugly . . . before I got it refaced with that pretty white stone,” she said with a grim expression. “You really want to blacken it now?”
He barely nodded. “But it’s okay. Never mind.”
She shrugged and took another sip of her drink. “Go ahead.”
He blinked. “Seriously?”
“That’s what it’s for. Light it.”
He got up eagerly, pointing to her pretty stack of birch logs. “And those?”
“Why not.” Her tone sounded flat but when he turned to look at her, she gave him a lopsided smile. “I can always get more.”
“Alrighty.” He untied the ribbon and neatly stacked the logs in the fireplace, shoving in some twisted pieces of today’s newspaper here and there.
“The wood’s certainly well dried,” he said as he pulled out a long wooden matchstick from the sleek lacquered box.
These weren’t only for show, since Jane occasionally used a match to light a candle.
The flame quickly flared up around the logs and paper, and he stood back to admire it.
Smoke began to billow out.
“The flue!” Jane yelled.
“Oh no!” Rob leaped into action.
“Don’t burn yourself,” she cried as he reached in and pulled the metal handle.
Standing up and flailing his arms like fan blades in an attempt to redirect the smoke, he knew it was useless. He turned to Jane with a sheepish smile. “Sorry about that.”
Her cheerful demeanor was cloudy now, but she held out her mug with an impish smile. “Another eggnog might help.”
This time, he held back a bit on the brandy. No point in getting snookered before the guests arrived. By the time he got back, the fire was crackling nicely.
“Very cozy,” he said as he set their refreshed drinks down. “I could light the candles too,” he suggested carefully. He knew that Jane had her own rules about candles. Some were for lighting and some were for show. “If you wanted?”
She nodded. “Go for it.”
“Okay.” But as Rob lifted the hurricane glass to light the arrangement of creamy white candles, he wasn’t sure whether to be happy or concerned. He didn’t want to push her too far. But to emphasize the golden glow of the candles, he used the dimmer to turn down the chandelier. “How’s that?”
“Better. Mom’s dollar store–decorations seem a little less gaudy in this light.” Jane actually smiled. “In fact, it’s beautiful.”
“It is.” He sat down and turned toward her.
“Just like you.” And it was true, she really did look beautiful in this light.
And with a sweet smile too. It reminded him of how she used to be before she turned into such a control freak.
And as they sat there, enjoying the ambiance of fire and candlelight and quiet Christmas music, he tried to remember what had started her on this path in the first place.
Oh, he knew it was partly a reaction to her unconventional messy childhood.
And he’d always wondered if it was related to the babies she’d lost when Olivia was too small to understand, and the consequent decision to quit trying to increase their family.
And maybe it wasn’t that important for him to know all the reasons, but to simply support and encourage her to return to a healthier state.
“When will the McEntires come?” she asked.
“Oh, didn’t I tell you they were going to the five o’clock candlelight service before coming here? I told everyone we’d pass on it this year since it’s icy out there, and with your hip and all.”
“I appreciate that.”
“And it sounded like your mother was going to go with them. I’m not sure about Olivia.”
“Nice to have a few hours before chaos erupts.” She leaned back and gazed at the mantle clock. “It’s barely four o’clock and already dusky outside.”
“Some peace and quiet to ourselves.” He wasn’t sure how long Olivia would be gone, but he suspected she was with Malcolm. “You know, Jane, I was doing some thinking earlier today . . . about, you know, some of the issues we talked to you about the other day with Pastor Justin.”
“My obsessive compulsions.” She scowled. “Are you about to lecture me on how I need to meet with Justin’s therapist friend too?”
“No, not at all. I didn’t mean to go there,” he said quickly. “Actually, it all got me thinking about the first Christmas.”
“The first Christmas? You mean when we first got married?”
“No, I mean the one we celebrate, when Jesus was born.” He smiled. “And since we can’t make it to the candlelight service . . .” He waved to the candles. “Maybe we can sort of have one of our own.”
“Oh?” She studied him. “Are you going to read the nativity story from the Bible like you used to do for Olivia when she was young?”
“Not exactly.” He considered his words. “And I’m no preacher, but I got to thinking about heaven.”
“Heaven?” She leaned forward with worried eyes. “Oh, Rob, please, don’t tell me you’re thinking about death. Are you sick?”
“No, no.” He waved a hand in dismissal. “I was thinking about Jesus, the Son of God, and what he had to give up in heaven to come to earth. Now, I’m no expert, but from what I’ve read and heard, heaven must be amazingly spectacular and beautiful.
I personally think earth is incredibly beautiful.
The parts humans haven’t damaged, anyway.
Which makes me think of something else. You know, God created a perfect world with mountains and oceans and flowers and trees and animals and .
. . well, you get the picture. Anyway, I think most people agree that humanity has managed to mess a lot of that up.
Think about it. Between war and greed and thoughtlessness, there are places on earth that are pretty sad and disgusting and messy, all thanks to humanity.
I wonder how that makes God feel. But that’s not my main point.
” He chuckled. “Just a little rabbit trail I went down recently.”
“But you make a good point. God is a perfectionist.” Jane seemed vindicated.
“Yes, but his idea of perfection is a whole lot different from ours.”
“I suppose.” She leaned back, listening.
“Anyway, back to Jesus. So, he’s there in this amazing place that’s unspoiled by humanity’s greed or stupidity.
No pollution, no wars, no hatred. And God decides to send him to earth.
So where does God send him? Not to a palace that wouldn’t even begin to match the beauty of heaven.
Not even to a nice home. No, God sends Jesus down to a shelter for animals.
Whether it was a barn or a cave or a stable is for historians to argue over, but it was where they kept donkeys and cows and oxen.
And it was winter. Can you imagine what it smelled like?
Or what it looked like? Dirt and straw and animal feces all around. ”
Jane wrinkled her nose. “Sounds pretty disgusting.”
“And messy.”
She merely nodded.
“So, the Son of God is born in the midst of messiness. And for some reason God felt that was the perfect place for him. And Jesus, who was perfect, came into a world that was one great big mess, in every way imaginable. And yet that was exactly what God wanted. It was perfect. And it was perfect that Jesus lived among messy, he walked alongside messy, and he dwelled right next door to messy.”
He paused in his unexpected sermonette to see if Jane was following his reasoning, and she seemed fully focused.
So he continued. “Just think about the kinds of people Jesus dined with, visited in their homes. Messy people with messy lives. He was perfect, but he reached out to poor smelly fishermen, he befriended shunned prostitutes, he invited despised tax collectors to dinner. He even touched lepers who were so messy and afflicted and smelly that no one wanted to be anywhere near them. Perfect meets messy. With no judgment. No condemnation. Nothing but kindness and grace from the Son of God as he engages with messy people and messy lives. Our perfect Savior remained right in their midst, engaging, befriending, helping, healing, redeeming.” He sighed and took a slow sip of eggnog.
“That’s a lot to wrap your head around.”
She just nodded with a thoughtful expression.
And then they both just sat there in the peaceful space, absorbing the sights, smells, sounds of Christmas . . . and Rob felt hopeful.