Chapter Sixteen A Missing Lady #2
“I am nae!” he cried out, the tears forming in her eyes again. “I am a fool. I have said things tae keep ye away, but I am nae lyin’ right now.”
“And I have no way to know if I can believe you this time,” she said. “Or are you tellin’ me another half truth so I will end up in your bed again tonight? Was that lass from the tavern not available?”
His heart sank as he realized how his actions must have looked to her.
“Nae,” he whispered. “Nae, please, listen to me. I am nae tryin’ tae do that. I was genuinely scared for ye.”
“Scared for someone you don’t love,” she sighed. He gritted his teeth.
“Why are ye so determined to have my love, lass?” he asked, stepping toward her again. “Ye make it sound like some kind of injustice that a man dinnae love a woman he has not known for half a year. Even then, can a man still not worry about ye?”
“I want it because you gave it to me once and then ripped it away from me,” she said.
He flinched, as if she had struck him. In truth, he would have preferred if she had.
A blow he could understand, or even brace against, and could see it healing in its own time.
But the quiet, devastating honesty undid him more than any fist ever could.
“I dinnae ken how tae give it tae ye and keep ye safe,” he admitted, dragging the words out of his chest. “I thought if I loved ye, I would only bring my past down upon ye. I thought pushin’ ye away was a kindness.”
“It was not kindness. It was cruelty. Plain and simple,” she said. “There is a difference, although I suppose I should not expect you to understand the difference.”
His eyes widened at the venom in her voice.
“And now you come offering affection again but I cannot take another night where it is given to me under the moonlight and taken at sunrise. Maybe I am a mad woman for wanting what I believed was mine. If so, leave me to be mad.”
Silence stretched between them both, a breeze blowing across the loch, blowing her blonde hair around her head. She folded her arms and looked away from him.
“I am sorry,” he whispered.
She looked confused before looking over at him again.
“I must have made ye feel so confused,” he sighed. “I never wanted my past tae come back and harm ye like this.”
“Your past?” she asked.
He looked down. The letters were still in his chambers. They were still waiting for her. He knew he needed to show her. That old fear clawed its way up his throat.
“You mean your brother?” she asked, stepping toward him.
“I have said too much,” he said, trying to step away from her, but she grabbed his arm.
“Tell me. Tell me about your brother about everything,” she said.
“Ye should not have tae think about these things,” he said, trying to pry her hand away from his arm.
“I am your wife,” she said. “Am I not allowed to know what has caused my husband to be the way he is?”
“Ye have nae claim over my past,” he said, the old defensiveness coming to the forefront.
“I am not asking for a claim,” she said. “I am asking for an explanation. And if I do not get one…”
He watched as she hesitated, her mind working quickly.
“Alice, whatever ye are thinkin’—”
“If you are not prepared to tell me the truth, then I will not come back to the keep with you,” she said.
“Ye are bein’ ridiculous,” he sighed.
“Do you doubt that I wouldn’t find a way to avoid coming back to the keep?” she asked. “A lot of the villagers would be willing to house me.”
“The villagers?” Evander asked, his face paling. “Ye wouldnae dare! Ye dinnae ken any of them nearly well enough to stay with them safely. Ye could stay with someone and get hurt.”
“As if I would not get hurt at the keep,” she said, letting go of his arm.
He watched her, panic washing over him. He knew her well enough by now to know that she was stubborn enough to do this if she really wanted to.
Everything in him wanted to pick her up, put her over his shoulder if he needed to, and force her to come back.
What would that really accomplish though?
She would be even angrier at him, and she could just race away again. He let out a long groan.
“Fine,” he grumbled.
“Fine?” she asked, looking at him.
“I will tell ye about my past,” he sighed. “But ye are nae tae run away again if I do this. Even if ye dinnae like what it is I show ye.”
“Fine,” she sighed, walking over toward Peggy. “Shall we go then?”
“Nae,” he said, taking her arm. “Ye are ridin’ on my horse this time.”
“Wh-Evander!” she shouted as he grabbed her waist and loaded her onto Calum.
“I am nae lettin’ ye out of my sight again for this ride. Do ye understand?” he asked. He watched her open and close her mouth, knowing she wanted to argue.
“I am capable of riding my own horse,” she grumbled.
“Even so,” he said. “I dinnae wish ye tae right now. I dinnae trust ye nae tae bolt off and away from me.”
She looked between him and Peggy before her expression softened.
“I understand,” she sighed. He nodded, stepping into the stirrup and pulling himself onto Calum behind her.
He wrapped his arm around her as they settled into the saddle together, and they began the long trek back to the keep.
Neither of them spoke. The only sound was the steady fall of Calum’s hooves against the muddy track and the distant call of birds somewhere over the fields.
Evander could feel the tension still coiled in his shoulders.
He could feel the way she had not quite settled against him.
Some part of Alice was still prepared for him to pull away again.
Evander didn’t. He tightened his arm, just enough that she would understand he was not going anywhere.
“Evander?” she said softly.
“Aye?”
“Whatever it is you must show me tonight,” she said with a sigh. “I would rather have the truth of it, all of it, than suffer through any more silence and pain between the two of us.”
He nodded slowly and pressed his lips to the crown of her head.
“I understand,” he whispered.
She deserves my honesty. She always has.