Chapter 20
Chelsea wasn’t sure how she made it to her car. Her legs wobbled, threatening to give out with each step. It was like she’d lost control of everything as she fought to reach her car. “Pull it together, Chels.”
“Chelsea?” Mitch trotted up next to her. “Why don’t I take you to my place?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m okay. You should probably stay and make sure he’s okay.”
“He’s just hurting. Men say dumb things when they’re hurting.”
She looked at him, trying to muster a smile. “You say that like you have personal experience.”
“Tons of it. Just ask Syd.” His eyes softened. “I mean it. I’m worried.”
“I’m okay, Mitch. Really. I’m going to my house.”
He nodded. “I’ll stop by your place later.”
Somehow, she made it to her house. The beautiful renovated home Jagger had given her.
The magnitude of her loss overtook her in a whoosh.
Her knees went out from under her and she dropped to the floor and wept.
She didn’t know how long she was there, but eventually she managed to make it to the couch.
She didn’t bother to take the cover off and instead, crawled onto it and cried some more. She thought maybe she’d cry forever.
Curled up on her couch, it was as if all the life had been sucked out of her.
All that was left was an empty heap. She had no energy to get up when a pounding sounded on her door.
It wasn’t like whoever was insistently knocking was Jagger.
No, whatever affection he might have had for her was not only gone but replaced by a deep-seated hate.
She squeezed her eyes shut to rid her mind of the look in his eyes as he told her to get out.
No one had ever looked at her with such hate. She shivered at the memory.
But, they’d had a business deal. Regardless of her feelings for him, she would always have ended up right where she was: in her own home, crying because, despite her best intentions, she’d fallen in love with him. She’d even told him she loved him, but he hadn’t heard it.
She chastised herself for the umpteenth time for letting her feelings and fantasies get away from her. For letting herself forget the marriage was a sham, even if her feelings for him were real. So real she swore she could physically feel the tear in her heart.
“Chelsea! Open up.”
Mitch. She should have known. A pang of guilt stabbed at her for the lies she’d told her friend.
Lies she’d now need to confess. She didn’t need to talk to them to know what they’d say.
They’d tell her she should have come to them for the money to save her home.
What was she thinking? There would be pity and disappointment.
“Chels. Please.”
Knowing Mitch wouldn’t give up, she dragged herself from the couch and to the door. She opened it. “I’m okay. I just want to be alone.”
There it was. Pity etched on his handsome face. “I know. But I can’t leave you.”
She nodded. He was filling in for Brian, who’d have come to her side and not left. She appreciated Mitch’s dedication to being her surrogate big brother, even as she wished he’d leave.
She left the door open as she shuffled back to the couch. She was so tired. She just wanted to climb in a hole and sleep.
She heard the door shut and knew he was behind her. She sat back on the couch, curling her feet underneath her. He sat next to her.
“You don’t have to do this. You have your own family, your own life.”
“You’re my family too. Syd knows where I am.”
Chelsea shook her head. By now, everyone in Charlotte Tavern would know what was going on. She imagined even more expressions of pity. Maybe even judgment. How could she betray her husband like that?
Mitch took her hand. “We don’t have to talk. We can just sit.”
His kindness and understanding touched her, and the tears started to flow again.
She leaned her head over to his shoulder as the crying became weeping.
His free hand reached over and cupped her cheek.
His lips kissed her head. It was exactly what Brian would have done.
So, she let go and let all the grief out.
She didn’t know how long she cried, or how long she sat once the tears were gone. It was possible she’d fallen asleep. But when she finally became aware, Mitch was still there.
She looked at him. “Thanks.”
He nodded and smiled. “I would have been here sooner, but I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to do anything stupid again.”
She rested her head on his shoulder, her grief now for Jagger. “He’s devastated.”
“It doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that.”
“He was hurt and angry and desperate.”
He kissed her head again. “You’re such a forgiving soul, Chels. He’s lucky to have you.”
His words reminded her that he didn’t know of her and Jagger’s arrangement. He thought they’d eventually kiss and make up. Not wanting to face Mitch’s disappointment, she opted not to say anything. Not yet.
She needed to prepare herself for the aftermath of her marriage to Jagger and the loss of not just him, but also Kaden, from her life.
She swallowed the lump in her throat as tears formed again.
When she’d entered into this agreement, she hadn’t considered the consequences too deeply.
She knew there was a possibility she’d have feelings for Jagger.
Feelings she’d tried, but failed, to fight.
She knew she’d be attached to Kaden, as she already was.
At the time, the fear and guilt of losing her family’s home had the stronger emotional pull.
Now, coming out the other side, she had to wonder if it had been worth it.
She scanned the room, painted and decorated by the man who now loathed her.
Why had he done it? She wanted to think it was because he cared about her.
But it wasn’t love. After all, he was fixing the house she was going to come back to once their farce was over.
Still, he’d had to have felt something to hire contractors and renovate the home as a surprise for her.
“The house looks nice. You’ve been working on it.”
Mitch’s voice drew her out of her thoughts.
“Jagger arranged it.”
“You going to sell it? Or maybe rent it out?”
She looked down, not wanting to tell him the truth. She’d saved her house by selling her soul to the devil.
Jagger sat alone, the dark storm outside casting a gloom that echoed in his heart.
He wanted more than anything to return to New York.
To get lost in the city to dull his pain.
It hadn’t worked when he was younger, but it was better than being surrounded by all that he’d lost. The only reason he hadn’t left already was he’d made a commitment to Kaden to stick around.
The day following the court hearing, Tanya showed up to take Kaden overnight until they could meet with a mediator to decide on how to divide up their time.
Kaden threw a tantrum, not so much at having to see Tanya, but from fear of being in a new place without Jagger.
If only the judge and guardian ad litem were there then.
It was Kaden’s behavior that prompted Jagger to offer Tanya the house. Kaden could stay in his room and not have to go back and forth. She could have his staff, although they’d probably treat her worse than they did Chelsea. At least they’d be there to watch and make sure Tanya didn’t relapse.
Jagger would move to the guest cottage. It was ideal, actually.
Kaden didn’t have to be the one moving around, and both Tanya and Jagger could be there with him.
In fact, in the two weeks since the court date, Jagger had seen Kaden every day.
Tanya worked during the day, so Kaden spent the day with him, helping at the stables or playing.
On the weekends, they had a sleepover in the cottage.
He had to hand it to Tanya. She was working hard at keeping her life together.
She was now living in a guest room of the Talbot estate, but she still went to work at the diner, not expecting Jagger to give her the life of luxury she’d had with his grandfather.
He knew he needed to be grateful to Tanya that she wanted him in Kaden’s life.
He was grateful, but beyond the time he could spend with Kaden each day, there was only emptiness.
He hadn’t been able to fit in, in Charlotte Tavern, so now he was a recluse on his property.
Once the town found out what he’d done to Chelsea, they’d probably run him out of the state.
He was surprised Mitch hadn’t done it already.
A knock at the door interrupted his pity party. With effort, he lumbered from his chair and opened the door.
“Speak of the devil,” Jagger mumbled.
“You look like hell.” Mitch glared at Jagger, who rolled his eyes.
“If you came here to hassle me, you can save your breath.”
“I came here to talk sense into you.”
Jagger would have argued, but he didn’t have the strength. He couldn’t imagine what sense he needed. He’d given up his plan to run. He’d made arrangements to share custody with Tanya. What was left?
Jagger left the door open, returning to his chair.
Mitch followed him in. He stood looking down at Jagger, pity and annoyance etched in his features. Finally he sat on the couch opposite Jagger. “Look. I’m sorry the case didn’t go the way you wanted.”
“You and me both.”
“But, wallowing in self pity is pathetic.”
The heat of anger rose in chest, nearly strangling him. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand that while you may not be the sole guardian of that little boy, you can still see him every day. That if you weren’t so self-absorbed and cruel, you’d realize you can have a family of your own.”
Jagger shook his head, wishing he’d had a drink. Only fear that he’d turn out like his father kept him from pouring shots so early in the day.
Mitch sat back, his brows knitted together as if trying to figure out the best tactic to reach Jagger. There was no tactic that could pull him from the abyss.
“I appreciate your concern—”
“I’m not here for you. I’m here because of Chelsea. I know you feel what she did was a betrayal, but if not for her, you’d be in jail.”
Jagger looked away. He knew it was the truth, but his heart still ached at what she’d done. Why hadn’t she run with him? He’d give her anything. He’d tried to give her all she wanted.
Mitch leaned forward. “I get it, Jag, I really do. I felt like Sydney stabbed me in the heart too. But the anger I carried, all it did was make me a bitter man who missed out on life. When I think of all the years we didn’t have together because I was too pigheaded, it kills me.
Don’t be like that. Forgive her and get back to living. ”
“You were right about us, you know.” There was no sense in hiding anymore. He was sort of surprised Chelsea hadn’t told him of their marriage deal already.
“What?”
“Us. This marriage. It was a sham. All done to look good to the judge.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Jagger laughed derisively. “You never believe me about anything.”
“I’ve seen you two together. I see you now. I see her. You’re both miserable and brokenhearted. You can fix it. Jesus, Jagger, a perfect life is sitting right there, all you have to do is reach out and grab it.” Mitch made a grabbing motion with his hand.
“I’m telling you, it was a marriage of convenience.”
Mitch sat back. “If that were true, you wouldn’t look like this.”
Jagger’s gaze was red hot. “I lost Kaden.”
“No, you didn’t. He’s right out there.” Mitch pointed back toward the big house.
“So this pity party you’re throwing can’t be about that.
You’re making the biggest mistake of your life if you don’t fix this.
Trust me on this, Jagger. I nearly lost out, but I got a second chance.
You may not get another chance at the happiness I know you’ve been seeking all your life. Go to Chelsea.”
Jagger didn’t say anything. He knew Mitch would keep harping on him, but it would be a waste of breath.
Mitch studied him a little longer. He stood, disgust etched on his features. “Then why couldn’t you have left her alone like I asked you to? You’re a selfish jerk, you know that? How much loss can one woman take?”
That last statement sent a pang of guilt through Jagger. Chelsea had lost more than her fair share. Her brother. Her mother. But Jagger couldn’t let the guilt affect him. Finding his inner bastard, he turned his cool gaze on Mitch. “She still has the house.”
If Mitch was ever going to punch Jagger, that moment probably would have been it. His fingers balled into a fist, and his green eyes turned dark and hot. “You’re an ass.”
“So you’ve said.”
“And a coward.” Mitch gave Jagger one last glare and then stormed from the cottage.
Jagger should have felt relief at Mitch’s departure. Instead, he felt guilt and agitation. He was seriously rethinking the drink.
The truth was he wanted to go to Chelsea.
He wanted...no, needed her. He knew she’d be able to support him through this change of custody.
She’d distract him from his feelings of failure that he’d let Kaden down.
But he couldn’t learn to rely on that. All his life he’d longed for love.
To be a part of a family that genuinely cared for each other.
For a short time, he, Chelsea, and Kaden had had that. That was until it imploded.
She’d betrayed him, but he knew, deep down, that was only part of what kept him away.
He could forgive her and maybe they could forge a real relationship.
But what happened when she betrayed him again for some other reason?
Or maybe he’d betray her. The truth was, while love was nice when it worked, when it failed, it cut through the very soul.
He didn’t think he could risk that. He’d put everything he had into caring for Kaden.
Into keeping him as his own. By the end of their sham marriage, he’d begun to think of it as real.
Now both were gone. No. It was easier to not love. To not risk.