7. Mazikeen #3
My emotions got the best of me, so I retreated to my bedroom. I needed a second to just be still. There was so much going on at once that it overwhelmed me. My nerves were all over the place.
“What are you doing in here, girl? Falcon told me that he bought y’all matching weekenders. Where they—” Her words and steps stopped when she saw the expression on my face. Without the needed permission, she came over, sat down next to me, pulled me into her arms, then hugged me tightly.
My dam gave way to my feelings. My tears were wet on her shirt while her chest suppressed my cries. “I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. They don’t give you a pamphlet for this.”
Her hand rubbed my back in a circular motion. “Shh, shh, I know, I know. None of us know what to do, but we’re here. We are going to figure it all out no matter how this goes.”
I pulled my face from her chest to get myself together. I reached for the Kleenex that was beside the bed so I could wipe my face. “This is slow damn torture. I swear it is.”
God must have heard my anguish because my cell phone rang on the bed between me and her as soon as I finished wiping my face. Lula’s and my eyes glanced down at the screen. The sound of my heartbeat was heard over the ringing. I grabbed the phone when Lula pushed it in my face. “Hello.”
“Yes, Ms. Phillips, this is Janice, the transplant coordinator. I’m calling you with an update about the donor kidney.” Her voice was flat. This was business to her. Even if it wasn’t, it was clear that she trained herself to take feelings out of these calls.
I nodded. “Yes, I’ve been waiting for your call.”
My eyes closed as she started her spiel. “The evaluation has been completed. The medical team has determined that another recipient is a stronger match for this particular organ.”
My ears rang. Lula held my hand so tightly that it felt like the circulation of blood would stop. How was I supposed to respond? I went with the first words that came to my mind. “Oh, okay.”
“Ms. Phillips, I’m very sorry. I understand how disappointing it is to get this call. This does not change your status on the transplant list. You will remain active. When another kidney becomes available, we will contact you.”
When. So much dead hope in a single word. She probably meant to say if, but who knew. “Okay. Thank you for calling, Janice.”
We disconnected the line. Lula wiped her finger across my cheek. “What did she say?”
My bitterness pushed itself to the top. “Someone deserved it more than me.” I hopped up from the bed. “Welp, now that that’s over, I can eat.”
I felt her on my heels as I walked out of the bedroom toward the front of my house. Everyone was still there in their jovial moods. Falcon noticed me within seconds of my entrance. His smile dropped and eyes tightened, but he didn’t say anything.
My feet took me to exactly where I wanted to be, . . . the refrigerator. I pulled out the container of orange juice, popped the top, and took it to the head. Fuck all these fucking rules!
Seconds later, the bottle was snatched from me. A little bit of the juice trickled from my lips. “Kee, what the hell are you doing? You’re not supposed to be drinking or eating.”
This was the first time that I experienced Falcon upset with me. Whew, if I thought his voice was sexy in general, it was far more sexy when he was upset. It sounded almost like a sexy growl. The toxic part of me knew that I would get him upset at least once a quarter to hear it again.
“Yeah, that was if I were getting a kidney, but I’m not. They found someone more deserving. I guess I need to suffer a little more,” I told him.
I moved around him to the stove. I was hungry as fuck.
The room was silent as I fixed my plate.
On a normal day when I ate, I was cautious about what I ate.
There were certain things that I didn’t eat for various reasons.
All the things that I could eat were available, and so were many of the things that I couldn’t.
My anger made me go for all the items that I shouldn’t have.
No one said anything, but I felt their eyes on me. Ask me if I gave a fuck, because I didn’t. Once my plate was fixed and I poured more juice, I sat down at the table in front of Mama Lauren.
“Baby girl, are you sure that you should be eating that? I know you said that you aren’t getting that kidney, but trust God that another one is going to come available.” Mama Lauren’s voice was soft and sincere.
I looked at her blankly for a beat before I responded.
“You want me to trust a God that gave me lupus? That seems a little bit backward. What, he wants me to suffer so that he can make some kind of miracle happen or whatever just to get some glory? You know glory can be found in just letting folks be healthy.”
Out of stubbornness, I refused to pray over my food. I lifted my fork beside my plate from the table. Before I could put it to my food, my plate was lifted, and another was set in front of me. Mutha!
My head snapped upward toward Falcon. He was the only person outside of Lula Ann who would have the nerve and courage to do some shit like that. “Excuse me, I was about to eat that with your rude ass.”
Falcon’s jaw and eyes were tight. “Nah, you weren’t even about to play in my face like that. This is the plate that you will eat.” He set my morning medication down. “Here you go.”
Rage suddenly consumed me out of nowhere. My hand swiped the plate to the floor. “I don’t want that shit.”
The women in the room gasped. My eyes quickly scanned the room to see the tears in their eyes. I didn’t need anyone’s pity. What the fuck would it help? It wouldn’t stop the occasional pain, the need for dialysis three fuckin’ days a week, or all the damn restrictions in my life.
“Everyone, leave now!” Falcon’s voice boomed as it bounced off the walls.
The only person that hesitated to follow his instructions was Lula. That was to be expected because of her overly protective nature when it came to me. She started to speak, but her words didn’t have a chance to reach the atmosphere.
“Lu, bring your ass on now. Let Falcon handle his relationship and love.” Rome had spoken.
She glared at him, then her resolve softened. She walked over to me and leaned down and hugged me from behind. In my ear, she said, “I love you, best friend. It’s going to happen for you even if I have to go to the dark web and find a black-market kidney.”
I snickered at her foolishness. As funny as it was, I knew she was serious. It was factual that she would do anything for me, and I would do the same.
Everyone filed out of the house, but not before showing me love. Pop Franklin pulled me from my chair and hugged me tightly. He kissed my forehead. “I love you, little girl.”