Chapter 36
YVAINE
People are great psychologists when it comes to others, but they can be quite blind when it comes to themselves.
When trying to understand yourself, feelings can enslave you.
Despite that, I had always been decent at analyzing what was happening to me, around me, inside me.
I locked my feelings and emotions in a special drawer, a safe, and kept the key for later.
That way, I could rationalize what was going on.
So today, as I was on my way to the airport, part of me knew I was in shock.
Emotional shock, to be precise.
Hello, Bunny Doc. When those words were produced by the wrong, yet most kissable, mouth, my mind and body had struggled to process it. Because Logan, my notorious but heart-stirring mate, could not be Rudolph. And Rudolph, the pesky reindeer I had grown so fond of, could not be Logan.
When my twin had rescued me from all the accusatory faces, the questions, and the heavy explanations, he’d taken us back to my apartment, and I hadn’t been surprised.
What had surprised me, however, had been when he’d deposited me in our car instead of bringing me upstairs, telling me to wait there.
Not that I’d had any intention of moving or going anywhere, since my brain had refused to follow my orders, and my heart was out on bereavement leave. Once Lachlan came back—thirty minutes or three hours later, I couldn’t tell—he had two backpacks, one hanging from each shoulder.
My stomach was churning, as if I might be sick from a disease whose only antidote was the virus that had caused it. My own mate.
I’d asked no questions. I’d figured that Lachlan was taking us to our house, back at the pack. I’d been partly wrong; he’d wanted to bring us home, just not the home I’d had in mind.
“Here.” Lachlan handed me a croissant and a matcha latte. I picked at the almonds. We’d already checked in and were waiting at the airport Starbucks, inside the international departure terminal.
Neither showered nor changed, Lachlan still wore a pair of blue sweatpants and a matching sweater, both embroidered with the Comet logo, with a baseball cap on underneath his hood. I wanted to crawl inside and disappear in his coziness.
He sat in the armchair next to mine, glancing at his phone as it was constantly lighting up.
Lachlan had been checking on me every so often since we’d first left the wereball arena, eyeing me discreetly, but of course I’d felt the stare every time. He’d neither asked nor uttered anything related to the forbidden M subject.
Yet.
“Your mate landed a damn good punch, I’ll give him that.”
His fingers pressed against the swollen part, which was healing slowly.
It was as if Logan had punched me too. In my heart. Repeatedly.
I bit at my thumbnail.
“You know, I get why you didn’t tell me.” His weary smile was entirely unconvincing as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. “But why were you so mad at him in the arena? What did he do that was so bad?”
I decided to answer a question with a question. “Do you remember that guy I was talking to on the phone all this time?”
“Yeah? The reindeer boy. And?”
“Rudolph.” There was a pang in my chest that startled me. How I wished I had a mechanical heart, that I was a cyborg. “Well, as it turns out, he was Logan all along.”
“Logan…” Lachlan narrowed his eyes. “Ah, yeah, the Masturbator.” Then he gasped and turned toward me, spilling some coffee from his cup. “Wait, what? It was him?”
“Why do you call him Masturbator?” I lifted a brow.
He frowned. “Just a nickname. But seriously, do you mean he knew you were his mate?”
“I sent him a picture of me at some point, and then—” I choked on my words. A picture of me with a very stupid, hideous face, nostrils wider than my eyes, flashed through my mind.
Oh, Stephen, why did you let me?
I bolted up, hands balled, and paced back and forth. Past conversations rolled by on the train track that was my brain, appearing and disappearing, new ones sweeping past like the carriages of a steam locomotive.
I’d told him I needed a ladder to climb my mate…to climb him! A ladder!
Oh, no…
When I slapped myself on the cheeks, Lachlan stood, taking my hands in his. “What’s wrong, Yvaine?”
And when Rudolph had told me he loved his mate, that she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen and how he hadn’t paid attention to anyone since the day he’d met her, he had been referring to me! Me! Yvaine, myself, and I.
“Oh my freaking capers!”
Logan had said his mate had cheated on him with someone else because she didn’t know they were mates! I covered my face. Logan had felt the pain of me being with Sillas.
I was going from blushing to crying, from laughing to angry so fast that Lachlan must’ve had an emotional headache bigger than mine.
“Why would you have called him gigantic, and what does it have to do with a ladder?” Lachlan was puzzled. “If it’s a fetish, Yvaine, don’t tell me.”
I went to touch my neck, as a habit and reassurance, only to realize that I no longer had the necklace. If I decided to talk to Logan again, how could I look him in the eye after all the awkward things I’d told “Rudolph” about Logan?
Things to Logan about Logan himself!
I sat and buried my face in my knees, groaning.
My guess was he first realized he’d found his mate when he felt pain during my date with Sillas. My photo would’ve just confirmed my identity. Though…he already knew who I was because I’d told him my real name, that Lachlan was my twin.
I always looked for answers. Now? Questions piled up in my brain.
“I knew that hooded guy smelled familiar,” Lachlan growled, pursing his lips.
“Like rotting beans! Back at the party. I saw you with him, dancing and smiling like you were radiating light.” He pretended to vomit.
“I just feel like the shittiest brother. I should have connected that you found your mate!”
He glanced at me, looking apprehensive.
“How?” I laughed, pressing the back of my head against the seat.
He scoffed. “You’re never like that with guys.”
I opened my mouth but was interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. Lachlan reached out. Uncle Andrew’s name flashed across the screen. We pondered whether we should answer. We didn’t.
“Did you, um, tell them about our plans?”
Lachlan shook his head. “I just told Dad we’re going back to Inverness. He insisted on talking to you, even used his Alpha voice on me. Good thing you were sleeping.”
The boarding started, and we took our seats on the flight.
“Oh, Stephen.” I covered my mouth. “Remember the chest pain I felt almost every day?”
Understanding crossed his sky-blue eyes, and Lachlan growled.
“I’m going to murder him this time, I swear. I’ll pass my claws over a knife sharpener first.”
I grabbed his fist, shaking my head, peeling it open like a crumpled piece of paper. “He didn’t know I was his mate.”
“How do you know for sure?” Lachlan was just warming up, his voice rising. “What if he knew all along and just pretended, just to play you?” His eyes darkened, and his posture became aggressive. “The boy’s a joker, a cheat!”
His hand slammed against the seat in front of him; the passenger’s gasp went ignored.
“Do you know how many girls have cried over him and his idiotic friends?” He ran a hand over my cheek in a gentle way, quite the opposite of his emotional state.
Only then did I realize the tears had started again.
“They’re just a bunch of stupid, immature boys who love hunting and collecting females. ”
However, I hadn’t felt any more chest pain since… I frowned, squeezing my brain and trying to remember when the pain in my chest had ended.
“A couple of girls even dropped out of their packs because of their obsession with him and his other friend,” he added.
“Oh, come on, Lachlan, stop this tirade.” I snorted. “A group of werewolves in their early twenties, single. What do you expect? The girls had their fun, too, and they used them as well.”
“Neither I nor Gaius are like that. And neither is Archie!”
I snorted again. “That’s right. Gaius, you, and Archie.
One found his mate, another has had a secret crush on my best friend for a lifetime…
” He blushed and looked away. “…and Archie…well, Archie’s Archie.
Women are either too intimidated or, if they can look far enough beyond the purple eyes and his enormous size to decide to talk to him, they’re completely ignored with kindness.
But what about everyone else? Huh? Your wereball friends? Papa before he met Mama?”
He didn’t respond, marinating in his silent anger.
I continued, “And you know why? Because everyone knows that somewhere out there, there’s their other half waiting for them. Nobody wants to start a relationship that already has an end that’s more certain than a first anniversary. It’s just painful.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to play with other people’s feelings!” he snapped.
“And how do you know Logan and his gang promise girls their love and then abandon them?” Before he could retort, I changed topics, knowing that my stubborn twin was destined to become a lawyer for all his comebacks. “What did Logan tell you? In the last quarter of the game?”
“Welcome to the family.” A humorless smile slipped past his lips. “Now that I think about it? It makes sense. Back then, I thought he’d knocked you up after a one-night stand or something like that.”
“Knocked me up? Please, Lachlan, safe sex is the only sex. Anyway, was that punch during the game necessary?”
“Extremely! Wait, you didn’t send him nudes, right?” He glanced at me in horror as my face mimicked his.
“Of course not!”
“Did he ask you for any?” Lachlan stood, breaking the seat belt. I tried to stand too but was thrown back down by the belt.
“Goddess damn! Why him of all wolves?” he seemed to ask the Moon Goddess herself.
I patted the seat. “Sit, please.”
He huffed but relented, giving me his signature frown. Somehow, to me, it was rather pleasant, as far as frowns went. He wore it when he wanted to say something serious but was pondering the words.
I gestured to the hostess, who replaced Lachlan’s belt with another.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen the guy before. We’ve had so many wereball events and parties in the last three years.”
“You know that I always leave parties early—”
“And he always arrives late,” Lachlan concluded for me and shook his head. “And you avoided my games like they were open sores.”
I found his hand and intertwined our fingers.
He kissed my cheek.
“Did anyone else know?”
I shrunk in my seat.
“I just shared the news with Amaia, Makena, and…Chie,” I admitted, playing with the hem of my shirt.
“Chie as in Archie? Our Archie?” He shook his head, but I caught him smiling. “Really? Him and not me?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t even know what to think of Logan at the time,” I sighed heavily.
“That’s why Chie didn’t call me back and his answers were so short!” Archie and my twin were childhood best friends. One of the great things about Archie? He was always honest and transparent, extremely loyal. That meant he’d rather avoid Lachlan altogether than lie to him.
“He did have a laugh or two when I told him.” I smiled, embarrassed, as I remembered that day. Then I got an idea. “Hey, could we meet up with him in Scotland?”
Lachlan brightened. We hadn’t seen Archie or his sister for almost a year! But then he shook his head.
“I think he’s far away, in the mountains.”
Oh. Right. His beast needs to unleash itself sometimes, where only ice can be hurt.
“But let’s try anyway. Maybe he can come. Who knows?”
I gave him a nod and pulled my gaze from the sight outside.
“I still can’t believe the Masturbator is your mate.” Lachlan cursed a little more, running the hand that wasn’t tied to mine through his hair.
“Who?” Again with that nickname.
He coughed. “The Terminator. It’ll take a while for me to accept that he’s your mate. Actually, I’ll never accept it. Sorry, Yvaine.”
I raised an eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth curled upward.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” I let my fingers play with his hand, focusing on them as I spoke. “I still struggle to merge the two as the same person. Rudolph and Logan.”
“Any chance you’ll reject him?”
I gasped, pressing a hand to my chest. Even the idea made my heart protest.
“Of course not! He’s still my mate,” I said breathlessly.
“Okay, okay, calm down. I tried!” He was quiet for only a second, but to me, it felt like hours. “If I’d known he was your mate, I would have mangled the shit out of him way more.” He cursed again. “Although, there’s always the next game.”
I looked at him slightly anxiously, but I could tell he was joking, so I just rolled my eyes and smiled.
“Lachlan,” I said quietly a few minutes later. “I’m sorry for my mood, and thanks for bringing me to Scotland.”
Nothing was more important than family, not even my mate. A soulmate might be the other half of you, but my family was my foundation. Without a proper foundation, a house couldn’t stand, but you could still live a decent life in half a house.
“It was time we went to visit the old pals! And what better time than when we want to avoid all the drama?” He smirked at me, and I chuckled, hugging my knees to my chest. He dropped his head against the seat and sighed. “Besides, I had to leave, too.”
I glanced at him. “Because the match ended in a draw?”
Lachlan paused. “Yeah…because of the game.”
He looked out the window. It didn’t seem like that was the case, but he didn’t elaborate.
“I don’t want you to feel trapped, like you have to be with him,” he continued. “I want you to be the happiest person in the world, because you are the best, and you deserve the best. And if he can’t be the same to you, you should find someone who can be.”
“I didn’t know you were a relationship therapist amongst your other hobbies, Lachy!”
“We’re about to leave,” he said tersely.
“Highlander back to his clan,” I teased.
He poked at my ribs, and I giggled.
The plane pushed back and taxied out, rolling down the runway until we were in the air, our hometown turning into a speck behind us.
“Thank you, Lachy. I love you.” My cheek pressed against his warm chest, and the scent of family lulled me into a dreamless sleep.
“Always, sis. Always.”