Chapter 52
FIFTY-TWO
Zephyrine
I’m as nervous as I’ve ever been sitting in the abbess’s office, even with Levi by my side. Honestly, maybe even more so because of him. I’m so in love with him I feel like it’s written all over my face every time I look at him.
I stare up at the cross on the wall and wonder if I’ve made a mess of everything.
Because I thought once I walked through the gate, behind these walls, and in through the door of my old home, everything would feel right again.
I’d feel peace. I could breathe easy knowing I’d dealt with all the things that held me back before now.
I’m sure widowhood won’t solve every concern the abbess has.
I’m almost positive she’ll have me doing penance for weeks, if not months, before I’m anywhere close to being back in her good graces.
But I'll have my friends, my garden, my room back.
I'll have my freedom back to live life as I want within the convent.
Walks along the lake and quiet time reading and reflecting in the archives will be at the center of my world again.
Levi won't be here though.
I won’t run into him in the garden or see him smile when I serve dinner.
He won't appear in the archives asking for help looking for a document.
He certainly won't be the surprise voice on the other side of the confessional telling me to say three rosaries a day. I’m not sure this place will ever be the same for me without him.
Worse yet, he won't be the one holding my hand while I feed my first horse or tease me while I learn to tie a proper knot.
He won't kiss me goodnight or cook the perfect breakfast for me in the morning. I might still get the occasional letter from him. He promised a rare visit or two to check in on me and make sure I’m getting along okay. But his life will move on.
Putting the relics back to rights and taking my father out has been his life’s mission. It derailed everything he thought he wanted. But now, with all of that behind him, he can start a new chapter.
A real girlfriend could slip into the spot I'm leaving open in his bed. One who isn't plotting a return to nunhood. One who could give him the life he wants—holidays on the family ranch, children in the future, and a home they could call their own. Nothing would be holding him back.
I’m so lost in my thoughts about it, I don’t even notice the abbess enter the room or hear her getting my attention until Levi squeezes my hand.
“Schwester Mary Anthony?” Abbess looks quite surprised to see me and annoyed that she has to repeat herself.
“Grü? Gott, Abbess.” I bow my head, and she gives me an impatient, questioning look.
So I dive right in and explain why I’m here in my best broken German.
It certainly hasn’t improved in my absence.
Levi’s head bobs back and forth, doing his best to keep up with the conversation using context and inflection, but I can tell he’s losing the thread.
“The relics? Can you bring them out?” I nod to his bag on the floor.
“Got it.” He pulls each carefully packed box out and sets it on the abbess’s desk. I unbox each of them and show them to her. Her eyes widen, and she calls out the door for her assistant.
Her assistant appears, and they speak in fast, quiet whispers of Bavarian before her subordinate disappears out of the room again as fast as she can.
Abbess paces around the room, looking out her windows to the lake below in quiet contemplation.
She doesn’t say a word to us, and I have to assume we’re waiting for something.
“What’s she asking for?” Levi turns to me.
“I’m not sure. I only caught a few words. I think she was asking her assistant to get someone else. Another sister, maybe.”
“Are we in trouble?” he asks, half concern and half amusement on his face. Leave it to him to be amused at the ire of the sisters.
“I guess we’ll find out. I’m sure I am.” I force a grimace when I almost reflect his grin.
“Or you could be the hero for bringing these back. They might make you a saint or something. You’ll have your own relics.” He ponders, the suppressed smile reaching his eyes as he looks me over.
“I doubt that—if they knew what I was up to when we found them.”
There’s a soft chuckle on his part, and I’m glad that he came with me. It makes me a little less terrified of the consequences I might be facing. If they’re truly dire, holding his hand through it will make the blow a little less severe.
Another ten minutes pass, and then the abbess’s assistant appears with another sister, Sister Agnes.
She was the former abbess of the convent.
I've only met her once and seen her maybe a handful of times.
She's a retired nun, aging gracefully as she approaches one hundred years old in the retiree wing of the convent.
She was always exceedingly quiet whenever I saw her, but also exceptionally kind the one time I met her.
She welcomed me and told me how happy she was that I chose her beautiful little convent.
But the moment she comes into the room and sees the relics on the abbess’s desk, her whole face lights up.
She smiles brightly, her eyes darting from the relics to me and back again.
Tears start to stream down her face as she presses her hand to her mouth in shock, and she inspects them more closely.
The abbess joins her, and there’s another exchange of excited Bavarian between the three of them.
The abbess’s assistant turns toward me and smiles, and blessedly starts explaining the situation.
“The relics were lost during the war. The nuns had to flee the convent and were hiding in homes hidden in the Alps to avoid being caught up in any of the crossfire. Sister Agnes hasn’t seen them since then,” she explains in English.
“Oh wow.” My grandfather had been so close to uncovering the truth before he died. I wish he could be here.
We spend another hour chatting with the nuns and learning a little bit more about the history of the abbey during the war.
Their happiness about the discovery of the relics dulls the abbess’s anger toward me over what Corey’s men did in the wake of my kidnapping, and she agrees to let me stay and return to my old room after Levi explains how pivotal I was in getting them back to the abbey.
Only after she berates him thoroughly for pretending to be a priest, that is.
He only speaks in half-truths, focusing on the historical research and paperwork that we found in my family home, and skipping over the complicated path we followed to get them back into their hands.
That part I'll have to keep to myself in quiet atonement.
The last thing I want is for anything to happen to Levi or his friends and family.
It's late when we finish our discussions, well after dinner, and the last boat has departed the island, so the abbess offers Levi a room in the guest wing of the convent for the evening. We say our goodnights and agree to meet for breakfast. A last chance for us to say our goodbyes, and hopefully, I can get through them without falling apart. It already feels odd to watch him walk away this late at night, to no longer be stuck in the same cabin or curled up at his side in the same bed—a place I’d started to think of as home.
But this is my real home, and I have so much work to finish here before I can even start to think about what comes next.
So I’d have to let my already mended heart break one last time in hopes that the pieces I put back together are stronger than before.
Enough to withstand losing the one man I’m not sure it’s possible to forget, even for a moment.