Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
XANDER
“Well, you’re fun tonight.”
Cooper and Brit invited me over for Wednesday night dinner, and I came, despite not wanting to.
“What’s going on with you?” Brit asks.
“Well, Ivy’s flights were all canceled today, but I’m not convinced she’s coming back at all.”
The two of them look at each other and then back at me.
“Huh?” Cooper says. “Why not?”
“We had a . . . shit, I don’t know what it was. Not really a fight. A misunderstanding? An impasse, I guess. It freaks her out that I love being here. I can tell that she’d rather I wasn’t playing hockey, and I can’t give up this career for her.”
“Men are so fucking stupid,” Brit mutters, and I glare at her.
“Don’t say it,” Cooper warns me. “I don’t want to have to punch you for disrespecting my girl.”
“I’m not an asshole.”
“No, you’re an idiot,” Britney says. “Honey, that woman loves you to bits, and she loves that you play hockey.”
I rub my hand over my face.
“You weren’t there yesterday morning.”
“No, I wasn’t. But we had a talk. I’ve known that something was amiss. I won’t betray her trust, but I’m telling you that she doesn’t want you to quit your job. She’s damn proud of you.”
She clarified, more than once, that I’m happy here. That this is what I want.
Why would she do that?
“I asked her to stay to talk it out, and she left anyway.”
They both blink at me.
“Yeah, ’cause she has a job, Xander. Same as you.” Britney sighs. “I didn’t dig too deep with her. You’re right, something’s off, but she doesn’t want to leave you, and she doesn’t want you to quit. I think you need to sit down and have a really meaningful talk. That woman is coming back.”
Okay, I’m glad I came because I needed the reassurance.
The truth is, I’m scared as fuck.
I let myself fall in love with her, depend on her, lean into the idea of being with her for the rest of my life, and she threw me for a loop yesterday.
“I don’t usually do relationships,” I say as I stare over Cooper’s shoulder. “Never have. She’s my first serious girlfriend, and I’m in my fucking thirties.”
“Well, she’s a good one to get serious about. Ivy’s one in a million,” Britney says.
She’s everything.
“She’s wife material,” Britney continues, and those three words make my heart beat faster.
Fuck yes, she is.
She’s only been gone for two days, and I miss the hell out of her. I hate that the weather is so bad back home and she’s there by herself. I had Tucker plow for me, but is she staying warm? Does she have enough blankets?
Is she drinking water?
“Did she tell you that she’d be on a flight tomorrow?”
I shrug a shoulder. “She hasn’t sent an update yet. So, I don’t know.”
“Call her,” Britney says.
“I haven’t talked to her since she left,” I admit and then wince. “And now I know that sounds really fucking stupid.”
“I’m glad you know,” Cooper replies and laughs when I glare at him. “So call her now. Are you going to just give her the silent treatment forever?”
“I fucking hate the silent treatment,” Brit says as she shakes her head. “Most women do. It makes us overthink, and then we spiral, and it doesn’t solve anything at all.”
Christ.
“If she doesn’t have a return flight booked, you need to get your ass on a plane to Montana,” Cooper says. “Because I’ll be honest. She’s the best fucking thing that ever happened to you, and you don’t want to fuck that up.”
“What if she has no intention of coming back? Maybe I should just break it off before she can.”
“I fucking hate the miscommunication trope,” Britney says, rubbing her temple.
“I don’t know what that means,” I tell her.
“Honey, I own a romance bookstore.”
“Yes, I’m aware.”
“And one of the themes in some of the books is miscommunication, and it always makes my eye twitch. We’re all adults. Just have a conversation and get over it already.”
“Is that what you did last month when you were on your period and I didn’t get you a Snickers at the store because you didn’t tell me you wanted one, and when I got home, you threw a tampon at my head? Communicate?”
“First of all,” Britney says, “it wasn’t a used tampon, so count your blessings. And second of all, if I’m ever on my period, I want a Snickers. In fact, bring two, just to be safe. You should be able to read my mind by now.”
“See? Miscommunication trope,” Cooper says to me with a smile. “Ain’t it fun?”
“Dude, you should have got her the candy bar. You should just have a secret stash of them so you can whip it out when she’s on her period and give it to her after her shower. Wrap her up in a cozy blanket, give her the candy and the remote, and—”
“Call her,” Britney says. “Right now. Or I’ll marry you myself.”
I stare at my phone and take a breath. They’re right, I should call her. It’s not too late in the evening. I’m sure she’s awake.
So, I hit Call, but after four rings, it goes to her voicemail.
Fuck.
I hang up and toss my phone on the coffee table, pull my hands down my face, and think back to that conversation just before she left.
To the past few days that she was here.
She looked so . . . lost. Sad. She says she’s worried that I’ll take another hit to the head and forget her, but there’s no way.
We’ve been through too much together over the past three months for me to just forget everything.
Could I forget moments? It’s possible. But I haven’t forgotten my family or my teammates.
There’s no way that I could simply lose her from my memory. She’s too damn important.
But I didn’t say that to her in the moment. I simply said it wouldn’t happen.
And she reminded me that it already has.
Twice.
And the look of pure sadness, utter devastation on her face sits heavy in my heart. I fucking hate that she had to leave when we were in the middle of such a huge conversation. I hate that she ran away.
Because that’s what she did.
My phone pings with a text, and I see that it’s Ivy.
Red: Sorry, I was in the shower!
I don’t type out a reply, I hit video call, and when she comes on the screen with wet hair and a clean face, my heart finally settles down.
“Hey,” she says softly.
“When are you coming back?” My voice is rough, and I sound needy as fuck, but I don’t care.
“I have to take care of some things tomorrow,” she says carefully. “But I’ll text you when I have the return flight booked.”
I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean? The flights were canceled today, so they should have rebooked you automatically on a flight tomorrow.”
She nods and nibbles her lip. “I know, but I need to take care of some things.”
“You said that.”
Calm down.
I take a deep breath.
“Just tell me if you’re not planning to come back, Ivy.”
She frowns and shakes her head. “I’m coming back. I told you I was. I just needed the extra day, that’s all. I want to talk to you in person. Xander, I’m coming back to Denver.”
I nod, believing her. She’s not lying to me. And fuck if it doesn’t feel good to look at her.
“Okay, Red.”
“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice softer.
“Are you okay?”
“Not really.” Her smile is sad. “But we will be.”
We. Not I.
“I hope so, baby.”
She swallows hard, and then Cally’s in her face, vying for Ivy’s attention, making me smile.
“She hasn’t let me out of her sight,” Ivy says as she kisses the feline’s cheek. “She’s been lonely. But she loves that huge cat tree you got her. She sits up there and watches it snow.”
I miss them both so much that I ache with it.
“I saw your dad today,” she continues, and I settle back, ready to just hear her sweet voice. “He made me breakfast. He looks great, so you don’t need to worry.”
“Thanks for going to see him.”
She smiles again. “He’s really such a good guy.”
“I know.”
We’re quiet, uncomfortably so, for the first time since she and I started working together, and I fucking hate it.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” she asks me.
“Children’s hospital in the morning. Then I have a photoshoot at the arena in the afternoon.”
She nods and bites her lip.
“What about you?”
“Oh, just a bunch of errands.”
This whole conversation is torture.
“I’ll text you tomorrow,” she says.
“I’ll answer.”
She nods, and I wish with all my might I could reach through the phone and brush my thumb over her freckles.
“I’ll see you soon,” she says.
“Sleep well, wildcat.”
She nods and then ends the call.
Fuck.