Chapter 17 #2
“Well, you are now, and it’s because you’re not sleeping enough.” Eileen placed a gentle hand on Nancy’s knee. “You’re trying to do too much. Why?”
She began to shake, her stomach churning as fear laced through her. “Dear God, if I make those kinds of mistakes, he’s going to see…”
“See what?” Eileen prompted, trying to understand.
Tears slipped down her cheeks and the words tumbled out of her, uncontrolled, unguarded. “That I’m just a girl, that I’m not wanted. That I’m clearly not worthy of anything. If I had been, my father would have taken care of me. That…”
Eileen grabbed her hands then and held so tight that she felt the woman’s nails dig into her hands.
“Yes, you are just a girl. You are not worth anything except for the fact that you have united three friends. You have taken care of your mother, and you have made a man who was very lonely very happy, and you have given him purpose in a way that he’s never had before.
” Eileen tsked, then mocked lightly. “Yes. You’re very useless indeed. ”
She stared at Eileen for a long moment, and then she began to laugh through her tears. “Eileen, you weren’t supposed to say anything like that. And you weren’t supposed to tease so intensely.”
“Well, it’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it?
That you’re useless, that no one wants you?
But it’s not true and I won’t listen to another word of it,” Eileen challenged fiercely.
“You are wonderful, and we all adore you. And the more you try to prove how wonderful you are, well, frankly, the less wonderful you become.”
She let out a bitter laugh. “Well, that’s a problem.”
“It is,” Eileen replied. Then she said playfully, worry still in her bright blue eyes, “You’re becoming insufferable, and you’re making us all work too much.
Before you married him, we had holidays, and we ate cake and had fun along Rotten Row and got new dresses.
Now you just want to go from morning to night.
It’s not good,” Eileen insisted. “How do you think that you’ll make him love you more by spending less time with him? ”
The words hit her like a blow, but they were the exact words she needed to hear. “Is that what I’m doing?”
Eileen nodded. “You’re never, ever going to discover your own worth, and you won’t keep his admiration by driving yourself into an early grave with work, and you will do it.
” Eileen arched a brow before she winked, clearly trying to bolster Nancy’s spirits whilst she spoke her truths.
“I wager that you will get a lung complaint, and you will perish a terrible death, though you’ll look marvelous doing so. ”
She’s scoffed. “People who have lung complaints do not look marvelous when they die. That’s only in penny novelettes.”
“Well, I do love a penny novelette,” Eileen countered. “And you’re right. I’ve seen people perish because of exhaustion and lung complaints in Ireland, and I won’t have you doing it to yourself now. And I’m deeply grateful to the duke for talking some sense into you.”
Her mouth twisted and her throat tightened as she suddenly felt very vulnerable. The most vulnerable she had since her father died, when she’d felt so entirely alone. “It didn’t feel like he was talking sense to me.”
“I’m sure it didn’t,” Eileen said gently. “But he loves you, and that is the most wonderful thing in the world, and you better not throw it away.”
“What are you throwing away?” a voice boomed.
Eileen shot up. “Oh, only happiness, Your Grace.”
“Not on my watch,” the Duke of Windbourne, Nancy’s husband, vowed, as he strode into the room. Well, as much as one could stride into a room packed with plates.
Despite the fear in her heart, Pierce was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen with his dark hair tumbling over his brow and his cloak flowing out behind him. He had clearly ridden hard and fast from London.
“If you’ll give us a moment, Eileen,” he requested.
“I’m glad you’re here, Your Grace. She needs you,” Eileen said.
And as she darted out of the room, Pierce all but growled, “And she will always have me.”
As soon as they were alone, he crossed the room and swept her into his arms, pulled her up onto her toes, and kissed her.
He kissed her as if they might never see another dawn.
As if this was the only kiss that mattered.
As if he could make the world disappear and they could become one with the union of their lips.
After several moments of this, of keeping her firmly in his embrace, he pulled back, tilted her head by taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger, and declared, “Now, that should make you understand. I love you and only you. And the only thing I want to do is kiss you in the morning, kiss you in the afternoon, and kiss you at night,” he said.
“I wouldn’t care if you organized another thing.
Please stop organizing my speeches. Please stop making everything perfect to make me think you’re worthy.
I don’t like perfection. I like reality.
And the reality is I want you with me. Not off doing all these things.
You should be eating more cake,” he said gently. “With me.”
She started to laugh through her tears, even as she felt as if she was melting into him, safe. “That’s what Eileen said.”
“Eileen is right. The Duke of Rivers is right too,” he said. “It is you and I who have gotten it wrong.”
“It’s so easy to get things wrong,” she said softly.
“Yes, it is,” he agreed. “My love, you’ve been hurt.
It was no small thing which your father did.
You were left alone to fight for yourself and your mother, and you don’t know what it’s like to have someone who wants to fight for you.
But I’m going to bloody fight for you,” he said softly.
“I’m going to fight for you for the rest of my life.
Do you understand? And you don’t have to try to prove anything anymore.
You don’t have to show me how wonderful you are because,” he said, cupping her face in his hands, “I know. I’ve always known and I always will know.
You are the woman that I will always want.
And no one could ever take your place. No grand lady, no titled person, no woman of the ton.
You, Nancy. You stole my heart, and you better not ever give it back. ”
“And you mine,” she professed, her soul crying out with joy.
Nancy surrendered herself entirely into his embrace and realized for the first time in years that there was nothing to prove. There was nothing she had to do except surrender, not just to his embrace, but to his love.