Chapter 13 Zara #3
I look down at my feet and fidget with the fabric of my dress, looping my fingers in and out of the lacey holes.
“I can’t shift. I was never taught. After my mother died, my father caved in on himself.
When he finally did come out of his soul-crushing depression, he grew a little overprotective of me.
” I glance at Leer, and he’s watching me with keen interest. “Anyway, so I wasn’t exactly allowed to learn.
Honestly, I wasn’t allowed to do much at all outside of the palace. ”
“Screw it. Shifting is overrated. Besides, you won’t need such skills once you’re Queen of Lanray.” He lightly brushes his lips against my cheek, trying to make me feel better, but it doesn’t.
“Check.” King Jeffery lines up his rook with my king on the chess board on his desk. It’s the same black and white marble board we’ve been playing with once a week since I was seven years old.
I rest my chin in my palm and casually move my queen in a diagonal pattern, stealing his rook.
I can’t concentrate. The comment Alfrie made about my father has gnawed at me all afternoon.
I sigh, drumming my nails on the dark mahogany desk and stare at the ancient weapons and medals of valor lining the walls of the study.
My father has collected nearly a hundred since the Great War and there must be millions of stories to go with each.
But I’ve never asked about them. Nor has he shared much.
The extent of my knowledge about the war for power is mostly the aftermath when the realm was divided into three separate Courts: Masseda, Lanray, and Gridan.
We lost thousands of Fae to the darkness of the Unseelie Court.
Not to mention, hundreds of others fled, separating themselves from all courts, living in solitude and away from politics.
I shudder as Alfrie’s words replay over and over in my mind.
“Interesting move.” My father’s silver hair is loose, brushing the tops of his shoulders and his thick eyebrows bunch. He’s stumped. He sits back in his red-velvet chair as he ponders his next move. “I hear you went on a proper outing with the prince today.”
“Mm-hmm.” I twirl my long hair and my gaze lingers on an old iron axe hanging above the door.
He twists the ends of his beard then moves his queen to the space next to mine. I feel him watching me, waiting for me to react. “Zara?”
“Hmm? Oh.” I pick up a pawn and randomly move it one square.
He huffs and takes my queen with his. “Is something wrong? You seem distracted.”
“Why did the Unseelies attack the solitary villages? I mean, the war was over and the Gridans weren’t truly a threat, right? So why burn down an entire village to find them?” I settle back into my armchair and watch as he does the same.
“The Unseelies were evil. Who knows why they did such an unspeakable act?” He picks up a chess piece on the side of the board and rolls it between his fingers.
“Did you know that would happen?”
He drops the piece, and it lands with a clunk on the desk. “What?”
“Did you know they would attack villages? Was there something you could have done to stop it?” I want to ask if it was somehow his doing, but that would be crazy. He wouldn’t have ordered the slaughter of innocents.
He clears his throat and rights the chess piece. “Zara, sometimes war can lead to terrible things. Terrible but necessary things—”
My stomach clenches. “You knew.”
He leans his elbows on the desk and clasps his hands together, resting them against his chin. “I didn’t know they would attack the villages.”
My shoulders slump with relief. Thank the gods.
“I suspect it was in retaliation to our army’s attack on the Unseelie court a few months prior.” His voice is low and nearly inaudible.
“Our army attacked?” My hands tremble and I force them into my lap, digging my nails into my palms.
“It was a terrible necessity. But Zara, the Unseelie court was full of horrid monsters without souls, who would've undoubtedly attacked Masseda if we ignored them. I did what any ruler would do.”
“But, only soldiers were killed, right? Only those who were fighting in the war?” My voice shakes and I hold my breath, nodding, trying to elicit the answer I want to hear. “Father? Right?”
“I did what any ruler would do.”
My stomach turns and I choke down the bile rising in my throat. Tears gather in the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision. “No. I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t.” I shake my head and push myself out of the chair.
He gazes at me without emotion. “Someday, when you’re a queen, you will understand that tough decisions are sometimes necessary to protect the realm.”
I back away from him. “No, I won’t.” I race from the study and up to my tower, slamming the heavy wooden door behind me.
I pace around my rooms. No. No, it isn’t true. My father is a hero, and would never hurt innocent folk, even in war. I stop in front of the window near my bed, and spin toward the door as someone turns the knob.
My father loiters in the doorway, scratching his beard and staring at the carpet. “May I come in?”
I nod and wipe the tears from my cheeks. I perch on the window seat, and he sits beside me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He rests his head against the glass. “You were just a faeling. You didn’t need to learn about the horrors of war.
You still don’t.” He takes my hand. “Please try to understand. The attack was on the court, and we tried to avoid harming innocents as best we could. But, Zara, trust me when I say that there are no innocents when it comes to Unseelie Fae.”
“Then, the villages…the loss of life…was our fault.” I gently remove my hand from his and shift away from him.
“I fear it was.” He inches closer to me. “Not a day passes that I don’t regret ordering that attack. I hope you know that. I’m not a monster.”
I lean my head on his shoulder. “I know.”
“Try to forget about this, Zara. I want to forget it. The war was nearly a decade ago. Let’s bury it.
Can you do that? Can you keep this to yourself?
I promise we can talk about it privately whenever you want, but I can’t have this information spreading through court.
” He stands from the windowsill. “Zara?”
I look at my father through tear-stained eyes, “I’ll bury it.” And I will. I never want to think about it again.
He smiles. “Good. I’ll see you in the dining room.”