Chapter 28 Zara
Chapter twenty-eight
Zara
“That was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.
” Alix paces back and forth in front of the grand window in Emlyn’s rooms, where the early morning sunlight leaks in from over the horizon.
He clasps his hands behind his back, shaking his head in disapproval.
It’s a look I’ve grown used to seeing from him over the years.
“Surely not the dumbest.” I snicker from my place on the bed next to Emlyn.
She joins in my giggles and Alix stops pacing and glares at us.
I tilt my head, “Come on, Alix. I had to see where Alfrie was going. Don’t you think it’s odd to sneak around in the middle of night in the same place where we were attacked by Unseelie soldiers?
Only a day after it happened? Plus, you can’t ignore his pure hatred of me and everything royal. ”
Alix rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t hate you.”
“Whatever. I’m just saying something isn’t adding up.” I don’t add in the part about being held at knife point and the fear in Alfrie’s eyes. He was awfully surprised to be caught out in the woods for someone simply looking for a medicinal flower.
I sigh. Perhaps I’m overreacting. The way he looked at me last night—so vulnerable and intense. Almost as if he were frightened of me…of being close to me. When our lips nearly brushed against one another…I roll my shoulders to hide the pulse of electricity moving through me.
Alix is quiet and he takes a seat in the wing-backed chair next to the bed, pondering my accusations.
Maybe it’s not such a stretch. He shakes his head.
“No. I think he’s being truthful. Alfrie may be a little annoyed by royalty and court life, but he’s also the one who came to Emlyn’s aid after the attack.
And, if you’d seen what I had—" He stops himself and his throat bobs. “Never mind.”
I open my mouth to ask what Alix saw, but don’t get the chance.
The door to Emlyn’s room swings open. Leer pokes his head around the doorframe and slips inside. Alix jumps from the chair, putting more space between himself and Emlyn’s bed.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Leer lingers in the entryway. His eyes land on me. “Can I interest you in a walk before your training begins?” He flashes his charming smile at Alix. “That is if it’s okay with you?”
“It’s fine with him,” I answer for Alix and crawl from my spot on top of the covers. I wink at Emlyn and tell Alix I’ll meet him by the barracks in half an hour.
Leer’s blue eyes glitter like sapphires and he intertwines his fingers with mine as he leads me out of the room.
He walks slowly and his eyes dart around the hall.
“I’m sorry to steal you away from your friend, but I needed to see you.
” He halts in the middle of the corridor and turns to face me.
“I was so worried about you when I learned you wandered into the woods alone last night. I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting to feel so…
so protective of you. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting any of these feelings I’ve been having for you.
” He lifts my hand to his lips and pulls me into a dark alcove in the hallway.
He backs me against the stone wall and rests his hands by my shoulders, a sly smile spreading over his mouth.
Desire burns in his dark gaze and he slides his tongue over his bottom lip, glancing down at my mouth.
“What are you doing?” I whisper through a laugh. He balls the fabric of my tunic into his hands at my waist. I glance over his shoulder and into the hallway. “Someone will see.”
“Let them.” His face is inches from mine, all joking gone from the sultry look in his eye. “I’m serious, Zara. I didn’t think I would fall for you the way I have. I can’t stop thinking about you, and when I couldn’t find you…” He shakes his head. “My mind went to a dark place.”
The seriousness in his tone and the way his eyes search mine make my knees wobble.
I grab his face in my hands and press my lips to his, hoping to kiss away his worry.
To free him of his fear. He rests his forehead on mine and heat pulsates through my entire body.
But it’s different somehow. Instead of wanting to take him to bed, I want to stay in his arms forever. To soak up every ounce of this rush.
“I couldn’t be happier that you're the one I’m to marry.” The back of his hand brushes my cheek, and his lips lower to mine for a slow and sensuous kiss before leading me by the hand from the alcove.
Okay, now I desperately want to take him to bed.
“Come on, we should get you back to your friend.” He offers me his arm, and I loop mine around it. “Perhaps I can come to see you after dinner for a…another walk?” His gaze rakes down over my corseted breast and I know he’s not thinking of walking whatsoever.
A fire blazes wildly deep in my core. “I think another walk would be wonderful.” A small laugh escapes me at our inuendo.
“Fantastic. Then I’ll see you in the dining room this evening.” He kisses my cheek and hurries to the staircase.
I stand in front of Emlyn’s door for a minute, but as I watch Leer hustle away, I think of Alfrie. I can’t stop thinking about him out in the woods. About his intentions.
I can’t stop thinking about him, period.
After returning to the palace last night, I just left him with King Hardin—and something tells me I should check on Alfrie. It’s a strange feeling. Like a memory or dream of ill will between them, but I have no idea where it’s coming from.
I shake my head. It’s probably nothing. I place my hand on the door handle, then I spin on my heel and head toward the staircase.
Before I know it, I’m standing in front of Alfrie’s room, lifting my hand to knock on the door. I lower it. What am I doing here? Shame on me for even wandering over. I turn to leave and a shuffling noise comes from the other side of the door. Then a scream.
“No! Please—” Alfrie’s muffled cries have me banging on the door.
“Alfrie? Are you okay?” I call out, but I don’t hear anything except more shuffling.
I grab the handle and barge in. The room is dark, the tiny window barely allowing rays of morning sun peek in, but there on the cot in the corner is Alfrie.
He’s thrashing on the bed, beads of sweat gather on his forehead.
His eyes are shut and he grips the sheets as he tosses and turns.
“Please! Don’t—” His head jerks to the side, tears staining his cheeks.
I rush over and grab his shoulders, shaking him and holding him still against his flailing. “Alfrie, wake up. You’re dreaming. Alfrie!” He tenses in my grasp and his eyes shoot open. He sits straight up in the bed, staring ahead, his chest heaving.
Tears fall from his eyes as he gazes at me, my hands still clutching his arms. His face crumples and he envelopes his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. His hands are in my hair, balling it into his fists as his shoulders shudder.
I freeze for a second, but then I’m hugging him right back, my arms tightening around him with each tremble of his body. I stroke his hair, whispering that I’m here and he’s safe.
His breathing slows, and he stills in my arms.
He untangles his hands from my hair and pulls away, sitting up and resting his head on the wall. His eyes glow like emeralds, glistening under the wetness of his tears, and my breath catches.
I’ve never seen a face so stunning. Even beneath the deepest pain and sadness. All I can do is stare. I don’t even notice that my own eyes are wet with tears. I quickly wipe my cheeks. “Alfrie…you…you were dreaming.”
He draws his bewitching eyes from my face and wrings his hands together. “I’m sorry. I forgot where I was for a moment. I didn’t mean to…” He looks down to his lap and swallows. “I’m sorry.”
I want to ask what he saw in his nightmare. What haunts him even in sleep, but I already know. “Do you dream of it often? Your home?”
His brow lowers. “Every night. I relive it every night.” His gaze pierces through me again, with such raw emotion my soul might shatter. “I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t do anything but watch as they took everything from me.”
“What happened that day?” I ask but immediately regret it. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”
Alfrie looks down at his hands. “It’s okay.
” He pulls in a breath, “They attacked at dawn. We were unprepared.” His throat bobs.
“I heard their horses first. Then came the screaming. Before I knew what was happening, soldiers were at my hut dragging my father across the dirt. And then…,” the crease between his brow deepens, “he didn’t shift.
He didn’t even fight back. Perhaps there wasn’t time or perhaps he’d hoped they would leave without harming his family once they took his life. ”
My lip quivers and I grip the sheet to keep from reaching for his hand.
“They beheaded him in front of me, then raped my mother before killing her and my three-year-old sister. I was too young…I didn’t know how to…
I couldn’t save them. When they set the hut ablaze, I shifted for the first time, but I don’t even know what I transformed into.
I was so distraught and filled with rage—I couldn’t stay in the form for more than a couple of seconds.
” He stares at his hands, his fingers curling as if they were claws, as if he was in that moment even now.
“The moment King Hardin pulled me from the ashes, I made a promise to myself that I would master the art of shifting. I swore I would never be powerless again.”
I long to comfort him, but there is nothing I can do or say that will make it better.
“Alfrie, I’m so—so sorry.” The words fall from my mouth, but an apology seems empty.
It’s not enough to be sorry. I know I shouldn’t, but I reach for his hand, taking it in mine.
His chin lifts slightly, glancing at our clasped hands, as if he is just now returning to the present and recognizes that he's here. With me.