Chapter 28 Zara #2
His eyes glisten with moisture and he subtly draws his hands back to his lap. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—you shouldn’t be here. You should be learning how to toss weapons at unsuspecting stable grooms.” The corner of his mouth curves up, a dimple creasing his cheek, but he averts his gaze.
I nod but I don’t make a move to get up from the cot. I watch him for a beat, half of me wanting to know more, the other half wanting to pull him close. Both halves equally inappropriate. I force myself from the bed. “Would it be okay if we practiced shifting somewhere else today?”
He cocks his head, an eyebrow arched.
I smile at him. “Meet me in the courtyard in half an hour.”
“This is remarkable.” Alfrie marvels at the hundreds of orchids lining the trail and dangling from trees, as he follows me into the east gardens. The path dead ends into a small lake surrounded by singing birds and dancing butterflies that flit around the orchids and vines.
No one comes here. It was a gift for my mother, and my father shared its existence with only me. The sound of rushing water from the waterfall crashing into the center of the lake is loud and drowns out the noise in my brain. I just hope it’s enough to help me focus.
I stop in front of the water’s edge, stretching my fingers through the mist of the falls, and watch Alfrie as he moves among the blooms. I want to ask him about earlier. Why he pulled me into his arms, burying his hands in my hair. Why he let me hold him.
He notices my stare and pauses, glancing at me with those startling eyes. “What?”
“Alfrie—do you…I—” I stop myself. He was just hurting and needed someone to be there. That’s all. I pivot. “I figured the privacy might help my lacking attention span.” My mouth twitches, a playful smile curving my lips.
He reaches up and brushes his fingertips along the delicate petals of a deep violet orchid. Only one side of his mouth curls upward and he shoots a sidelong glance in my direction. “We’ll see.” He jerks his chin, motioning for me to come closer. “Ready to try again?”
I nod and squeeze my eyes shut and begin painstakingly picking apart the stupid hummingbird in my mind. I try it once, twice, and by the third attempt, I’m spent.
It's no use. I can’t shift. I can’t even focus long enough to hold onto an image. I ready myself for another try.
“Stop.”
I open one eye and then the other. “Stop?”
“It’s not working.” Alfrie stands before me, a hand to his chin. “I don’t know what else to do at this point. Maybe you are the rare one percent of Fae who can’t shift.”
I purse my lips. “That’s not a thing.”
“It must be. Because you, Princess, cannot shift.”
I scowl at him. “Perhaps it’s you who can’t teach,” I counter. He doesn’t take the bait to fight with me. I sigh. “There must be something I can do. Maybe it’s the hummingbird? Should I try a different animal? Something less…avian? A bear or wolf? A tiger?”
He laughs, his smile lighting up his eyes. It’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh or seen him genuinely smile, and I beam at him, relishing the fact that I was the one who wrought it from him.
“Was that—Alfrie, did you just smile? I didn’t know you knew how.” I laugh, then force myself to look away. He might be the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, but he’s also the most frustrating.
His grin falters. “Ha. But back to you. We’ve been over this. Tigers are impossible. They are too rare, if not mythical. Maybe we should try something less predatory. Perhaps a frog? Less bone and muscle to deconstruct.”
“A frog.” I blink at him. He has got to be kidding.
He shrugs, clearly not kidding. “Okay, how about a snake?”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. A snake.” I close my eyelids and slow my breathing. I picture a serpent. It’s long and linear body slithering and sliding, it’s lengthy spine curling over tiny organs. Piece by piece, I examine the animal in my mind.
“Concentrate. This might be it. Hold your focus.” Alfrie’s smooth voice is low and is coming in whispered waves all around me.
I’m suddenly cooler. My limbs feel…unnecessary.
I imagine them disappearing altogether and my torso elongating and slimming.
Oh gods, this is happening. Truly happening.
It’s as though my Fae body is about to implode and the ground inches closer to my face as I shrink into my new form. Into a snake.
“You did it!” Alfrie lowers to a crouch on the ground next to me, excitement radiating through his grin. Then in a flash, his excitement is gone. He tilts his head, an eyebrow arched. “Hmm.”
I’m face down in the dirt and push myself up onto my very Fae forearms using my very Fae hands.
“What happened? I shifted but—why didn’t it last?
” I bury my head into my hands and roll onto my back, still lying in the mud.
“Why can’t I get this?” I try to hide my devastation by covering my face, but tears come streaming from under my hands, streaking down my cheeks and chin.
Hopefully the noise of the waterfall drowns out my sobs.
Alfrie sits down in the dirt beside me and rests his arms on his knees. “You changed. That’s a win. We’ll keep working on your ability to hold onto the image.”
“I can’t do it. I’m a total embarrassment to my kind. Elara is right. Maybe I'm only meant to marry and produce faelings. That is my grand purpose.” I huff and let my arms fall to my sides, making a splatting noise in the mud.
“You just need practice.”
“I just need to give up.” I wipe my eyes and sit up next to him, pouting like a child. I wait for him to respond. “What, no quip? No snarky comment?” He’s watching me, and I know he desperately wants to call me a spoiled brat. I roll my eyes and mutter to the ground, “I know what you’re thinking.”
His green eyes darken, sadder somehow. “I doubt that.” He reaches out and wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb and traces the angle of my jaw with his fingertips.
He leans closer and the way he’s looking at me makes me shiver.
His expression is warm and wraps me in an invisible hug.
It’s confusing and…unexpectedly everything I need in that moment.
I freeze, sitting straighter, and he swiftly yanks his hand back and squeezes them into fists in front of him. “I’m sorry.”
My cheeks are hot, and we sit in an awkward silence for a beat. I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what. Instead, I push myself up off of the ground, brushing mud and dirt from my trousers.
He follows and rolls his sleeves up to his elbows, clearing his throat. I get a good glimpse of his scar this time, and an odd feeling of recognition sweeps over me. I’ve seen marks like these on him before. But there were more. All along his side.
But how would I know? I haven’t seen him without a shirt. I would definitely remember that.
I furrow my brow, my gaze lingering on his arm. “What is that?”
He immediately covers his wrist and forearm with his hand. “It’s nothing.”
I reach out and grab his wrist, tugging his arm toward me with his palm up.
His brow knits and I expect him to yank his arm away, but he allows me to assess it.
He watches my face and tenses as I gently push his sleeve up more.
My fingers trace the scars, my skin prickling along with the spark igniting in my chest. His hand is soft and warm in mine, our faces so close to one another’s our lips could nearly—
I gulp and focus on the marks that run all along his forearm. I examine them closer. They're all linear, almost like claw marks. “How did you get these?” My voice breaks and is no more than a whisper.
Alfrie gingerly withdraws his arm from my grasp and rolls his sleeves down. “One of my punishments.”
I draw back. “What do you mean?”
“How’s the shifting coming along?” Leer’s voice comes from behind me, and I practically jump out of my skin. He strides toward me, sliding his arm around my waist as he sidles next to me.
“How did you know where to find me?” I ask Leer, but my mind is still toiling over what Alfrie meant. Punishment?
“Commander Byron. He mentioned you like the privacy out here.” Leer glances at the beauty surrounding us. “It’s stunning.”
“How does Byron know?” I scrunch up my face. I thought no one knew about the gardens but me and my father. Has Byron been watching me? He’s always lurking as of late.
Leer shrugs. “Done for the day?” He looks from me to Alfrie.
“Yes. She did well. Good work. I’ll…see you tomorrow morning.” Alfrie dips his chin to me and escapes up the hill toward the palace before I can say anything.
I stare at his back as he hurries away. I have so many questions. I need to know more about his scars. What other secrets does he keep? Why do I suddenly care?
“Are you okay?” Leer gives me his easy smile with that adorable dimple that distracts me from any other thoughts.
I lean in and kiss him. “I’m fine.”
He smiles, but something about it is different. It's more of a jealous sneer. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring me here and instead brought my squire.” His blue eyes sparkle and my knees weaken at their magical beauty.
“Are you jealous?” I smile slyly at him.
He pulls me closer, and he spreads his hands possessively over my lower back. “Insanely.” His expression softens, and he flashes the magnificent smile I’m used to. “Come, let’s get back to the palace.”