Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Zara
Istare down at the gown lying on top of the comforter, brushing my fingers over the white skirts of a wedding dress that I didn’t choose.
It’s ostentatious. The bodice is lined with pearls and crystals over bright white satin.
The full skirt is made from the same material, ruched together with tiny clusters of gemstones that are folded into the thick fabric.
It’s a gown fit for a spoiled princess, and it’s exactly what I would’ve pictured myself wearing only a few short weeks ago.
Now it’s overwhelming. Loud. Enormous in every sense of the word.
“You don’t have to do this today.” Emlyn takes my hand.
“It’s the only thing I can do to help rebuild my Court. I can’t shift, I can barely wield a sword. Being a wife and a queen are about the only skills I can offer. I have to do this.” I squeeze her hand tightly and smile. “Will you help me put it on?”
“Of course.”
She lifts the gown from the bed, and I raise my arms high, and she slides it down over my shoulders. She laces up the back and I sit at the ivory vanity so she can pin my hair.
“For what it’s worth, I think you and Leer will be very happy together.” She braids my long hair and twists it into an updo, carefully tucking tiny rosebuds into it. “Unless.”
“Unless?”
She raises an eyebrow at me in the mirror. “Unless there’s someone else.”
“What are you talking about?” I glare at her.
“Nothing. Pretend I didn’t say anything.” She continues preening me.
“Em. Who else would there be?” I already know who she’s talking about.
I gaze down at my hands and pick at the satin of my gown.
I can’t look her in the eye, or she’ll see right through me.
She’ll be able to tell just how much I think about Alfrie and that last night, I fell asleep dreaming of walking down the aisle toward him instead of Leer.
But it doesn’t matter now. It can’t.
A knock at the door startles us both and Elara steps into my bed chamber.
She’s already dressed in her own gown that's just as elaborate as mine, or maybe even more so. I’m honestly surprised it’s not white, but I suppose it’s not far from it.
The dress is sewed from a heavy silver brocade, covered with an intricate floral pattern and pearl buttons that extend down the length of her spine.
Her thick black hair is tied into a tight bun on the crown of her head.
Emlyn lowers into a curtsy as the former queen consort of Masseda strides over to the vanity.
Elara clutches a platter of apples, grapes, and strawberries and seems pleased.
I might even say happy, and she’s actually beaming as she sets the plate down onto the table in the sitting area and assesses me.
“Stand up, child. Let me see the gown.”
I obey and stand in front of a long mirror as she circles me.
Her icy blue eyes carry a level of excitement that I’ve never seen.
The way she gapes at me is so different than what I’ve learned to expect from her over the last ten years of my life.
Her expression is soft. As though she’s proud of me.
As if this day just might be the best day of her life.
I don’t know how to react to this new behavior. So, I simply stand there and let her gush over my dress and hair.
“Stunning.” She claps her hands excitedly, and she pauses to look at our reflections in the full-length mirror. She’s by my side. Like a mother should be on her daughter’s wedding day. “Look at you. You’re beautiful.”
I’m shocked. My lips twitch with a shy smile, and I’m ready to thank her for the compliment, but I don’t get the chance.
“If I wasn’t standing right beside you, I might say you are the fairest princess that the realm has ever seen.”
Oh. My smile fades as she steps out of the view of the mirror.
“I need both of you down in the main hall in thirty minutes. But, first, eat some of the fruit I brought so you don’t faint during the ceremony. I don’t want anything to cause a delay in this merger. You know how important this is for us. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” I face her and smooth my hands over the heavy satin that weighs me down.
Elara roves her eyes over my wedding look once more.
“It’s a shame your father isn’t here to see you like this.
Though, I suppose we both know who’s responsible for his absence.
” She purses her red lips. A faraway look takes hold, anger flashing in her icy stare.
“I gave him years of my life. And for what?” She brushes an invisible speck of dirt from her shoulder seemingly realizing that I’m still standing here.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I would hate for you to get upset and ruin this day for me. ”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from shouting at her or breaking down into a puddle of tears. I stare after her as she stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Emlyn is by me in an instant and folds me into a hug. “She’s evil. You look amazing and this isn’t just some ‘merger’. It’s your wedding to a handsome and charming prince.”
“She’s right though, isn’t she? I’m the reason my father is dead. I could have listened to him for once in my life and left when he wanted me to.” I plop down onto the sofa in the sitting room, my skirts puffing out around me like the top of a cupcake.
“You have no way to know that. For all we know, the Unseelie army could have been planning to attack with or without you there.”
I know she’s right. But that doesn’t erase the guilt that I survived and so many didn’t.
Emlyn sits next to me on the couch and plucks an apple from the beautiful display of fruits. “Here. You need to eat something.” She holds the apple out to me, and I reluctantly take it.
“Are you going to eat anything?” I bite into the red apple and wipe a little of the juice that drips onto my chin and furrow my brow at the strange purplish tint smeared on the back of my hand.
“No, unlike you, my dress won’t be too nice to eat in later.” She winks and tosses me a cloth napkin from the platter. “I’m going to go get my dress on. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I smile and clean the juice from my hand as she leaves me to prepare herself for the nuptials.
I finish the apple down to the core. Guess I was hungrier than I thought.
I pop a few of the grapes into my mouth then slip on the tiny white flats that are waiting for me by the mirror.
I pause and assess my reflection once more, eyeing the princess before me.
I look ridiculous. It’s odd how quickly things can change. Strange how fast someone’s life can become too small and tight-fitting.
I stare at myself in the mirror. My hair is beautifully decorated and styled, my skin is the same ivory color it's always been, I have the same fine point to my ears. I still look like me. But it’s not me.
Not anymore.
But it’s who I have to be if I have any hope of rebuilding my home.
There’s another knock at my door, and I rush to open it, hoping to see Alix waiting to escort me to the main hall. I still have no idea how to navigate this palace. If I’m honest with myself, I haven’t really made a strong effort to learn either.
But it’s not Alix standing with their arm extended toward me. It’s Alfrie. He’s dressed in a deep burgundy dinner coat, over a white collared shirt. The crest of Lanray is sewn on the left lapel. His blond hair is combed to perfection and his round human ears peek from under it.
He offers a slight bow, and his soft green eyes meet mine. “I've come to take you to your groom. Your Highness.”
“Don’t call me that.” My cheeks flush and I tear my gaze from his magnificent eyes, focusing on the stone floor under my feet. “You’re human today. Why? Trying not to remember much about the wedding?” I say it jokingly, but a part of me is hoping that’s the reason.
He nervously shifts his weight, and shoves his hands into the pockets of his black dress pants. “Of course not. This is a joyous day, surely.” His lips twitch like he might smile, but the flatness of his voice contradicts the statement. He lifts his arm once more. “Shall we?”
I loop my arm through his, resting my hand on his forearm.
“You look absolutely exquisite. A bit like a dessert, but exquisite.”
I roll my eyes, but grin at the backhanded compliment. “Thanks. You clean up nice too, for a nobody.”
The corner of his mouth curves up slightly and we walk down the hall arm in arm.
Something about this feels…right. Being next to him.
His body so close to mine that warmth radiates from him and soothes me down to my very core.
I cast a sidelong glance at him. He stares straight ahead with no emotion evident on his face.
Only stoicism and coldness.
As I watch him in my periphery, my heart skips then beats so rapidly I can feel the vibration from its wild pulsing in my skull. I want to tell him I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to tell him that I hope he thinks of me too. That I long for his lips to be on mine.
I need to know how he feels about me. I tug his arm, pulling him to a halt.
He turns to me, catching me off guard with his intense stare. “Is everything okay? Did you forget something?” He raises his brow, searching my face.
“No, I…” His eyes sear into mine with a heat and desire that weaken my knees. “I…” I stare at his beautiful face, my soul aching, as I let my words die in my throat. I can’t.
I’ll do my duty and marry Leer. I’ll do what I need to do to be stronger for Masseda. There’s nothing more important. No matter how much my heart revolts and shatters. No matter how much I want someone else. I sigh. “Nothing. Let’s go before my stepmother hunts me down.”
His shoulders sag ever so slightly, and he nods, leading me to the main hall to marry the Prince of Lanray.