Chapter 40
Chapter forty
Zara
Istand at the threshold of the throne room. Of my future. I stare into the abyss of hundreds of faces from the townsfolk of Lanray. Faces I don’t recognize, but who will soon bow to me as their new Princess and future Queen.
The bleakness of the dark gray stone walls is veiled by dozens of bouquets of tulips of a violet so dark they’re nearly black. They hang in giant clusters from the pillars lining the aisle and match the bouquet I’m clutching on to for dear life.
Alix is on my right, waiting to walk me down the aisle. “I wish I wasn’t the one doing this.” He stares at his feet and the despair in his voice nearly kills me. I know he grieves alongside me for my father. I know he thinks he’s to blame.
But all of this is my fault.
I loop my arm through his and rest my head on his shoulder. “I know. I wish he were here too. But I’m honored to have you escort me.”
“Are you ready?” Emlyn whispers from her place behind me, waiting to carry my train as I walk toward the thrones.
No. No, I’m not ready. I hold my chin high and look to the opposite end of the room where Leer stands with his hands neatly folded in front of him.
“Okay. Let’s go.” I lightly tread down the long red runner that was rolled out just for this occasion.
The courtiers and folk from the village fall to their knees as I pass but none of them have the secret smiles that my friends used to have on their faces.
I’ll never see my old friends' smiles again.
I focus on the male in front of me. Leer is captivating in his burgundy overcoat and black trousers.
A blue sash and a handful of shiny metals adorn his jacket, and a small golden crown rests on his dark hair.
His blue eyes are trained on me as I approach him and his father, King Hardin who sits upon his throne.
My stepmother stands next to Hardin, an expression of sick pleasure and expectation on her face.
My father should be here.
I swallow hard and stand that much taller. I remind myself that his absence is why I’m doing this today.
My heart is pounding as hard as it was on the walk to the main hall. My lungs are tight, and I take large gulps of air against the satin bodice of my gown. I chew my bottom lip until I taste the metallic flavor of blood on my tongue.
I want to run in the opposite direction.
I count to ten in my head to calm myself and I search the room for a focal point to get me through this. My gaze shifts to Alfrie.
He stands to the right of Leer, his bewitching green eyes fixed ahead. He isn’t looking at me. Why won’t he look at me? I glare at him, silently willing him to glance up at me.
My lip quivers. Leer. Look at Leer. I focus on my betrothed.
He’s beaming. He reaches for my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine when I near the dais. His lips brush over my knuckles. “You’re the most enchanting bride in the realm.”
He loves me. I see it in his face. And I care for him. That will have to be enough. I smile shyly and we turn to face the King of Lanray. My eyes dart to where Alfrie was standing dutifully only a moment ago, but he’s gone.
The next bit is a blur. Vows are spoken and Leer slides a golden band onto my ring finger as music plays from a violinist behind the dais.
He names me as the future Queen of Lanray and I name him King of Masseda.
My brain is foggy, and I can barely hold my eyelids open.
When Leer leans in to kiss me softly, my lips tingle with numbness and the cheers from the crowd behind us are muffled.
It’s all hazy. Leer’s face is streaked with reds and blues and greens as he pulls away from our marital kiss.
I blink a few times trying to focus. The next thing I know, I’m being tugged back up the aisle by my new husband.
He holds me close to him and I fight a wave of nausea as we stride cheerfully through the throne room.
“I love you.” His whisper tickles my ear, and I turn to face him, placing my hand on his cheek. I kiss his lips gently and stars cloud my vision. I open and close them several times.
What the hell is wrong with me?
We lead the wedding party to the ballroom and my vision clears again.
I must’ve been holding my breath during the ceremony.
Leer takes my hand, and I follow him to the center of the dance floor.
His arms are around me and we're immediately swept into a waltz just like the one we danced to when he first arrived at Masseda.
He twirls me, then pulls me close to his chest. He meets my eye, holding my gaze with his calming stare.
An easy smile spreads over his lips and my anxiety begins to melt away.
I rest my chin on his shoulder and look around the ballroom decorated with Lanray’s royal colors of burgundy and black.
Round tables surround the floor we dance on, adorned with the finest black satin tablecloths and silver flatware.
Floral arrangements of the deep purple tulips and red roses stand atop each table with tiny violet fairy lights glimmering among the long stems.
The Fae courtiers are dressed in their finest court ballgowns and tuxedos, everyone in black and burgundy and wearing intricate masks as if this were a masquerade ball and not a wedding. The only discernable features on their faces are their black eyes gawking at me from behind their disguises.
Strange.
Leer spins me, and the courtiers swirl around me in a blur of black and burgundy.
He dips me low, leaving a kiss on my mouth before bringing me back up to standing.
I'm dizzy. From the spinning. Or the overwhelming sense of hundreds of pairs of black eyes on me from the guests.
The room twirls all around me and I sway.
My fingers are numb, and my legs feel as though they might give out beneath me.
“Are you all right?” Leer grabs my elbows, steadying me. “Should I get you something to drink?”
I nod, the movement making my head swim.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” He slowly backs away, making sure I don’t stumble and disappears into the crowd.
I lean on a table near the dance floor, regaining my balance.
“May I steal you?” A soft voice caresses my ear, and I turn to see Alfrie behind me. He holds out his hand, his eyes the color of spring grass in the dim light.
The world stops spinning. I see only his stunning face shining through the sea of black that surrounds me, the only sound the beating of my heart as I place my hand in his and follow him onto the dance floor.
He wraps one arm low around my waist and holds my hand in the other.
I’m unsure who’s breathing faster as he pulls me to his chest and we begin to sway.
“I thought you left.” I glance around the room as we move, the swirl of violet and black dizzying.
“I did.”
I look up at him. “Why did you come back?”
Devastation and defeat flash in his eyes, and a muscle feathers his jaw. “I don’t want to be anywhere that you aren’t.”
My heart swells. I close my eyes and I lean into him.
Our cheeks nearly touch, his even breaths warming my face and my soul, the corner of his mouth brushing along my cheekbone. His fingers gently curl along my back and he sighs against my ear. “Zara—”
All at once, the nausea and vertigo hit me and my knees buckle. Alfrie tightens his arms around my waist, catching me before I fall to the floor.
“Gods, Zara! Are you okay?” Leer’s hands are on my hips in an instant, pulling me into his arms and away from Alfrie. His face is blurry and his eyes are dark.
“I think I need some air.” My pulse is racing once again, and my stomach roils. I might be sick.
“I’ll come with you.” Leer cups my cheek in his hand and I lean into his touch.
I register Alfrie in my periphery walking from the room. “No, I’m okay. I’ll just be a minute.”
“Don’t take too long, my wife.” He winks and kisses my forehead.
The room continues to spin, and I think I give him a little nod before hustling out of the ballroom after Alfrie. I stumble a bit down the hall and push open the heavy wooden doors to the courtyard.
The air is cold and damp, but the rush of cool breeze is a welcome feeling. I stand alone in the grass and hold my arms out slightly to balance myself. I make my way across the grounds to the garden. I need to sit down.
Alfrie rests on the stone bench, staring out toward the Woodlands. A branch snaps beneath my slippers, and he jolts, spinning quickly at the sound. His shoulders relax when he sees it's me approaching. “Are you feeling better?"
“I think I just needed some fresh air.” I take a seat next to him on the bench. My lungs burn. It hurts to breathe.
“You should get back. It’s your wedding after all.” He rests his arms on his knees and looks out into the forest again. His burgundy coat lies in a heap on the ground and his white shirt is unbuttoned at the collar.
“Why are you out here?” My voice is shaky and my stomach churns with the vibration.
I want to ask him why he didn’t stay for the ceremony.
I want to know what that sigh meant when he danced with me.
I want to ask him if he thinks of me. At all.
The way that I think about him. Instead, I bite my bottom lip to keep the words from rolling off of my tongue.
He frowns. “It was getting awfully crowded in there. I needed to step away. I was thinking of going out into the Woodlands for a bit and continue my search.”
“Why?” I breathe.
His face crumples and his fierce eyes are on me. “I don’t want to stay. I can’t stay here now that…” his voice trails. “But I don’t have a choice. I can’t leave. It’s just difficult to watch you and him—”
I lift up my hand to touch his face, but I’m seeing double, and everything is moving in distorted circles. Everything aches.
He pivots toward me on the bench. His head cocks to the side. “You look a little pale.”
I blink several times and my chest heaves. I grip the stone beneath me.
The line between his brows deepens as he assesses me. “Zara?” The back of his hand goes to my forehead, and I think he looks worried, but I can’t make out his features clearly. “You’re on fire.”
I can’t get in a full breath. I’m terrified. I just married someone I don’t love, and the one I should be with is watching me, fear etched over his beautiful face. “Alfrie. I.” Streaks of bright colors flood into my view, and I reach out for his arm, hoping to keep from falling off of the bench.
“Can you see clearly? Are you dizzy?” Alfrie waves a hand in front of my eyes and the movement makes me sway.
“Alfrie, I think about you,” I manage to push the words out through labored breaths.
“All the time. I—I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t, but…
” I try to smile. I can’t see his face. “Do you—?” My chest tightens.
My breaths are coming in shallow gasps. I wipe my palm down my face, gathering beads of cold sweat in my hand.
I clutch my hand to my chest. “I want—,” I try again, but the words won’t come.
“I can’t breathe.” I can’t see anything and my vision tunnels, but I feel his hands gripping both of my shoulders.
The garden spins violently and I fall into him.
“Zara?”
His voice is so far away but his panic is palpable.
“Zara!”
“Alfrie…” I nearly topple forward, and he catches me in his arms before I fall into the dirt. His hands tremble as they pat my cheeks before the world goes black.