Chapter Nineteen
Emily
I’maccustomed to working late nights. It’s not something I ever really thought about before, but I pulled a lot of late nights in the time that I’ve worked for PulseTech.
What I’m not accustomed to is sitting beside the man that I’m dating in the conference room. Not touching. Not acting like we’re a thing. But putting space between the two of us. Purposefully not looking at him. And keeping business and pleasure separate.
Through the years, I haven’t had many relationships. Work has been my life. I didn’t get to the position that I’m in, by slacking off. And if I was to work as many late nights as I have, a man that I would be involved with likely would have had a problem with how much time I spend at work. But now, I’m dating a man who works just as much as I do. Who has late nights at work as often as I do, and not to mention in the same vicinity as me?
Except, we cannot touch. We cannot have our eyes linger, and we shouldn’t act too friendly. Despite my desire to do quite the opposite. I want nothing more than to touch him. I want nothing more than to gaze into his eyes and smile while he talks. I want him. But I continue to deny myself that desire since we promised to not be public with our relationship.
Case in point. Gavin is sitting on the edge of the table, listening aptly as Jackson from his team offers a potential branding kit that aligns with the parent company. Gavin’s attention is solely focused on Jackson and when he finishes, Gavin stands and approaches Jackson and openly thanks him for his contribution. I’ve seen him give such kindness to his team before and it makes me smile. He’s a good man, a good leader, and he truly listens to his team.
I cannot act on my wants and desires. I need to be smart. We could have been caught earlier today at lunch. I don’t honestly know what, if anything, Regina may have seen. We weren’t acting very professional while at lunch, at least not all the way.
We kissed many times.
We touched, practically from head to toe.
And I don’t know how long Regina was at the bistro before I saw her. She was the one who mentioned seeing Gavin out on the patio, so she could have seen us. Couldn’t she have?
“What are your thoughts on the color scheme?” Gavin turns to me, asking.
I blink a few times and focus on his handsome face.
“I’m sorry. What was that?” I smile.
“The colors. Branding. Are you okay?” he asks.
“Sorry. I was thinking about something that happened earlier today. Okay. Colors. Branding. Yes.” I blink and direct my attention to the poster boards housing several options, “I’m partial to the blue and gold. It’s not too far off from the parent company and I think we should assure the client to stay within the same. What are their preliminary thoughts?”
“They have their marketing team sending over color schemes that are straight off of PinIt.”
“Seriously? I’ve read up on the company. They aren’t new. They have a good brand. Why the hell would they send in something from juveniles?”
“They have a small marketing team. I looked at them. They’re all fresh out of college, or they have certificates in Photoshop. That’s probably why they hired us.”
The meeting went on for another few hours. Dinner came and went. And eyes closed before Gavin called it a night.
As I’m cleaning up our takeout, I glance up and see him watching me.
“What?” I ask.
“You’ve been a little quiet. A little distracted. Everything okay?”
“I don’t think we should talk about that while here at work,” I tell him.
“We’re the only ones here. It’s after ten at night. I think it’s okay for us to have any kind of conversation. It’s not like we’re doing anything inappropriate. At least not unless you want to.” He wiggles his eyebrows and I throw a rolled-up napkin at him.
“As tempting as that sounds, it’s late and we have to be back here in the morning.”
“Ugh. Can I just call in sick? Take a personal day? Avoid coming into the office?”
“What’s going on?” He crosses his arms over his chest and sits down on the tabletop.
“I’m probably just being paranoid. But I’m seriously bugged out from seeing Regina at lunch. What if she knows?”
“Then she knows. You said it yourself, there’s nothing in the employee handbook that mentions anything about fraternization?”
“We’ve had this conversation before, Gavin. We cannot go public about our relationship. It wouldn’t look good for either of us.”
“She saw nothing. It was very clear that we were working and eating. There was nothing that would have suggested otherwise.” He stands and places his hands in his front pockets.
“What if she saw us kissing at the table?” I ask.
“I’m sure there would have been an email in our inboxes before the day was over.”
“We don’t know that.” He shakes his head.
“I think we need to take a step back,” I tell him, regretfully.
“Because there was a small chance that we were seen? We don’t know that she did.”
“We were careless. We shouldn’t have been. We should have kept everything professional. Everything that happened should have stayed in Tulum.”
“You don’t mean that.” He steps closer, but I hold my hand out to stop him.
“We can’t continue this. We need to be done.”
“Why? Why say that when we haven’t really even begun? All for a slight chance? Something that we didn’t even know was seen. I don’t agree with your assessment. We’re not done.”
“We can’t continue playing in the shadows. You don’t deserve that. And neither do I.”
“But-.” He starts and strides toward me.
“No. We’re over. We need to be done. This thing between us is over. We need to work together, nothing more.”
As much as I hate saying it.
We can’t be anything to one another.
Not anymore.