Chapter Twenty
Gavin
Jack nodded,his eyes filled with empathy. “I know, Gav. Breakups suck. But drowning yourself in whiskey isn’t gonna fix a thing.”
I scoff, the grip tightening around the empty glass. “What’s the point, Jack? She was afraid someone at work saw us. The mere chance in a city of thousands, we were seen. It was almost like she would be embarrassed to be seen with me. And now, we’re simply to pretend that we were nothing to one another. That we weren’t building something. That we meant nothing to one another and work beside one another. She’s gone.”
Jack leaned closer, his tone gentle but firm. “You can’t control how she feels, or what she does, but you can control how you handle it. And right now, you’re not handling it. You’re hiding.”
I slam my glass down, frustration bubbling to the surface. “So, what do I do then? Pretend that I’m not hurt by her ending things? Move on like it was nothing?”
“No,” Jack said, his voice steady. “You need to feel it, but you also need to keep your head up and put one foot in front of the other. You’ve spent the past week drinking more than you’ve eaten. Face the world again. Emily might be gone, but you’re still here.”
I sighed, the weight of Jack’s words settling over me. I knew Jack was right, but the pain was still raw, a gnawing ache that refused to subside. I went to work. I worked late with her mere feet away from me, and I would come here to the bar.
Then I would start the next day over again, just the same.
Rinse and repeat.
“Come on,” Jack continued his tone lightening. “Let’s get out of here. There’s a new place downtown, a lounge. More laid back, has good music, a decent crowd. You need to get out of this rut, man. Maybe even meet someone new.”
I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. “I’m not ready for that. I can’t even think about someone else right now.”
Jack clapped a hand on my shoulder, his grip reassuring. “I’m not saying dive into a new relationship. Just get out, have some fun, and remind yourself there’s more to life than this breakup. You deserve to be happy, Gav. To be with someone that wants to show you off, not hide you away.”
For a moment, I considered retreating into my misery, but the sincerity in Jack’s eyes gave me pause. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe a change of scenery would do him good, even just for a few hours.
“Alright,” I said finally, my voice above a whisper. “Let’s go.”
Jack’s face lit up with a relieved smile. “That’s the spirit. We’ll take it slow, and just see what happens. But no more boozing it up to oblivion every night, okay?”
I managed a weak smile. “Okay. Thanks, buddy.”
We left the dim bar and stepped out onto the street. The cool night air hit my face, a sobering contrast to the stuffy interior we left behind. I took a deep breath, the first in what felt like ages, and felt a glimmer of hope stir within.
At work,I’ve been going through the motions. I’ve put on a mask when interacting with my team, and especially during the after-hours of work. I wouldn’t stay for the whole time, making up some excuse about having to leave. But we finished what we were working on, and I get a reprieve from her.
I walk into the building, my head hurting, still wearing my sunglasses. I scroll through a newsfeed, slowing on some articles and reading the headlines while I wait for the elevator. The doors open and I step inside. A familiar scent evades my senses. I don’t look up. I don’t have to, to know it’s her. She says nothing. Through my sunglasses, I noticed her staring at the doors in front of her. Her jaw is set, her body is straight and her breaths are slow. The stretch to our shared floor takes forever as if we’ve stopped on every floor.
My fingers itch to touch her. My voice strains to say something to her. And that she is so near to me, yet miles away, kills me. I miss her. And I hate myself for missing her.
The doors open and she steps out in a rush, pushing past one of her teammates and mumbling something while she makes her way to her office and shuts the door behind her.
I take a moment to get my bearings after being in such a confined space with her and ignoring her like that. There were no pleasantries, no longing looks, and no hidden smiles. It was pure torture, and I hated every second.
Who would have thought that a woman could tear me apart so roughly?
I am last to leave the elevator, and I walk along the far wall to my office. I place my belongings down on my desk and make my way to the breakroom. I forgot to grab a coffee on the way to work, and I need something caffeinated.
After two sugars, I take a fork and stir. I bring the mug to my lips and take a sip while turning around. And she walks in. She stops in her steps, looks around the space, and steadies her breath as I step aside from the counter and past her.
“Gavin?” she says, stopping me in my tracks.
I stop but don’t turn around. I take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers.
I don’t reply. I don’t turn. I walk out of the breakroom.