Chapter 37
NOW
July
Ibought a plane ticket to North Carolina the next day. I couldn’t handle driving in my current emotional state.
I felt delirious—like I was watching a bad movie about every worst-case scenario that could’ve transpired in my life. I tortured myself by listening to “Orange Juice” by Noah Kahan, and “I Know The End” by Phoebe Bridgers in a fucked-up loop.
Wren picked me up from the airport, and the second I saw her, I burst into tears. She wrapped me in a tight hug, right there in the pickup lane. She rubbed my back soothingly, telling me that everything was going to be okay. I knew it would be. But it wasn’t right now.
We took Mia to the mall and watched as she picked out a Build-A-Bear, putting in a red heart and excitedly pumping her foot on the lever to fill it with stuffing. She was almost a teenager, and this would probably be one of the last times she would indulge us by doing something like this.
One of the first things I did with Mia when I started nannying her was take her to this same mall to pick out a Build-A-Bear.
She still has it at home; a white unicorn with a rainbow horn that’s dressed in a ballerina tutu.
No shoes, of course, because per Mia you don’t need pointe shoes when you have hooves.
We got ice cream and took turns riding the glass elevator up and down, watching each other from the lower level and waving.
Mia wanted to go to her favorite café in the mall for french fries, and she ate two whole sides of unseasoned fries while Wren and I shared a platter of chicken strips.
Later that evening, Mia taught me her new skin care routine that she had perfected while I was in Michigan. I lost count of how many products she used, but I let her do it on my face, too, until my skin was as smooth as a baby’s butt.
When we put Mia to bed that night, I let myself cry again. I finally explained everything to Wren, and she listened patiently as I spoke through my tearful gasps.
We were sitting on the couch, and I lost track of how many tissues I had cried through. “It’s so stupid; nobody has ever hurt me as much as he has. Why can’t I just let him go?”
Wren handed me another tissue, and I blew my nose. She looked at me with soft eyes. “Because you’ve also never loved someone as much as you love him.”
Present tense. Because despite it all, I still loved him. I still wanted him.
“It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ve decided I’m selling the house. I’ll be back here by the end of summer.”
Wren stared at me for a long time. I finally stopped crying, wiping the last of the tears off my face.
“I think you should stay home,” Wren finally said.
“I have to go back to handle the house,” I said.
She shook her head. “Not your home here. Your home in Michigan.”
I looked at her in disbelief. “That house was never my home.”
She gave me a level look. “But it could be. You could make it a home. The Delvecchios are your family. Whether you’re with Jackson or not, he’s your family.”
I couldn’t believe what she was saying. All I could do was shake my head no. “Everything is a mess. Sophie owns half the restaurant. Nobody in his family even lives in the state anymore. Trust me, they don’t miss me. I’m not their family anymore.”
Even I didn’t believe the words as they left my mouth.
Wren wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
“Addie,” she whispered. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Wren was crying now, grabbing a tissue for herself and laughing through her tears. “You have no idea how much that family loves you.”
I switched my position on the couch so that I was fully facing her.
“I never told you the full story of when I called Julie for your reference. She was sobbing, so relieved to hear you were okay. She’s the reason I hired you.
She told me everything that happened between you and her family.
Every year she would contact me to check up on you.
I sent her pictures a few times. She asked me to keep it a secret. She just wanted to know you were safe.”
I thought my tears were done, but more came running down my cheeks. “Did you know they came to see me? And just left?”
Wren shook her head. “No, I swear I didn’t. And I don’t think Julie ever told Jackson that her and I stayed in contact. He was just as much in the dark as you were.”
I couldn’t believe this. They cared. They actually cared about me.
“I just don’t know what to do with all this information,” I said as I placed my hands on the sides of my head. It was too much . . . It was all so much. I felt like every time I got to the bottom of the truth, there was another layer popping up.
“Just relax, and give yourself some time to process everything. No major life decision should be made overnight,” Wren said as she rubbed my kneecap.
She was right. The last time I made a full one-eighty life choice was on a whim while in a frazzled panic. I needed time to sit with this, to look at every option available to me, and then decide what I would do.
“Okay,” I whispered.
***
I stayed in North Carolina for the next month, spending every moment with Wren and Mia.
We had beach days, spent days in the library, and I brought Mia to a carnival. We even drove down to South Carolina for one of George’s work conferences and sweat in the sun at Myrtle Beach while watching dolphins.
We celebrated Mia’s thirteenth birthday, and Wren and I both sobbed like babies over our favorite teenager. Jackson turned twenty-nine while I was away, and it took everything in me not to call him and see how he was doing.
Before I left to go back to Michigan, Mia let me pick her up in a hug, even though she was more than half my size now.
Wren wrapped her arms around both of us, squeezing me so tight it felt like all three of our hearts were beating as one.
It felt like everyone else in the airport drop-off lane disappeared—like everything in the world vanished except for the three of us.
“We love you so much,” Wren said as she pressed a kiss to my hair.
I held on to them both a little longer, then I pressed a kiss to Mia’s head before setting her back down.
“I love you guys,” I said, taking them in with watery eyes.
“We’ll see you soon, Addie,” Mia said with a toothy smile.
She handed me her new Build-A-Bear. “I want you to keep it.”
I grabbed the bear from her, holding it against my chest as I gave Mia a smile through my tears. I ran my fingers through her curly hair one last time before turning around and walking through the airport’s automatic doors.