25. Griffin
Cadence took her first steps. She took her first steps, and I was here to witness them.
God, today has been the best day of my life.
It started when I got to meet my daughter for the first time. She woke up from her nap about an hour after I got to Carson’s house. Kenna had gone into her room to help her wake up, because I guess my daughter is like her mother and likes to take her time waking up, or things get dicey.
Once she was properly woken up, Kenna brought Cadence into the kitchen. I took one look at my daughter, and my world stopped, only to start again. This time, revolving solely around Cadence Aelia. My little ray of sunshine.
My same brown eyes stared back at me in curiosity when Kenna sat her in her highchair next to the stool I was sitting at.
Cadence’s light blonde hair was a happy surprise. With how dark my hair is, I never really imagined any of my kids being blonde. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it’s not like I used to sit up at night and imagine what my future kids would look like. Well, not unless you count the endless nights I spent thinking of Kenna and what our lives would’ve looked like had I not fucked everything up and pushed her out of my life.
I watched in amazement as Kenna and Cadence went about their routine. It might seem like a mundane thing to be amazed by, but McKenna is a really good mom. Like, really fucking good.
Kenna made lunch for the three of us and it was delicious. I ate like a starved man, and Cadence turned into a feral little monster as soon as Kenna suction-cupped her plate to her highchair tray.
After we cleaned up from lunch, Kenna said Cadence typically liked to play in either the living room or her playroom upstairs. I asked if it was okay for us to play in her playroom, so Kenna gave me a tour of the house. I can tell she did a lot of decorating throughout the house after seeing her bedroom and Cadence’s nursery and playroom.
After about ten minutes of playing on the floor with Cadence, she crawled over to her play table, used it to help her steady herself when she stood up, and then she turned to show me a block she was holding. She drooled all over it before holding it out for me to grab. I asked her to bring it over to me, so she squared herself up to me and took one unsteady step before falling down.
Kenna gasped. “Oh my gosh. Did she just do that? I’ve got to get a video, or Carse will kill me. Stand back up, sweet girl!”
I threw my phone over to Kenna to get a video. Then I held my arms out for Cadence to walk into. She stood back up on shaky legs, then took one unsteady step right before taking another.
She walked for the very first time, and I was there to witness a milestone of hers.
Cadence only made it about three steps before she dropped down and crawled as fast as her body could take her right to Ranger. He just laid on the rug in her playroom, letting her fall all over him, tugging his ears and laying sloppy kisses on his nose.
Playing and taking her first steps wore Cadence out, and while she took a second nap, I asked Kenna if I could make them dinner. When she said yes, I ran to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients.
I just got back from the store, and Kenna has offered to help me make dinner.
I look around the entryway and living room as I take off my shoes. She’s made this house into a home. There are touches of Kenna in each room. Fuck, now I’m jealous of her brother getting to live with my girls and witness the ordinary moments, day in and day out.
I shake my head to clear those thoughts.
We’re currently in the kitchen, cooking together for the first time in over two years. It feels domesticated. It feels natural.
Kenna still refuses to cook without listening to music and she still can’t sing a song on key to save her life.
And she still takes my breath away just by doing the simplest things.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go back to Colorado in a few days, knowing I’ll be missing out on even more of these simple moments.
“Will the music wake up Cadence?”
“No, she’s a pretty sound sleeper. Plus, she has her white noise machine on.”
“Oh, right. Do you think maybe I could stay for her bedtime? I’d like to see what this big bedtime routine you mentioned looks like.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea tonight, Griff. I’ve got midterms to study for, and she might not go down easily since she napped twice. You might also distract her if she sees you.”
I turn to look her in the eyes. “I know you’ve had to do this all alone, Kenna. But I’m here now. I want to help. I want to get to know my daughter. I want to know her bedtime routine so I can help her, too. I want to know what makes her upset and how to soothe her the way you do so naturally. I want to be a part of everything. Will you please teach me?” I plead.
“Of course, I want you to get to know her, Griffin. It’s not that I don’t—we’re just used to our little routine and it being just the two of us.”
“You’re truly amazing. I don’t know how you did it the past two years. Being pregnant at nineteen by yourself.”
“I wasn’t by myself. Carson refused to leave my side, not that I’d expect anything else. My teammate Brooke has become a good friend, too. And once I told my parents I was pregnant, they were really supportive. Mom watched Cadence last year while I was at classes and volleyball. This year, I hired Dakota, Cadence’s nanny, to help while I’m at volleyball and classes. I felt too guilty, always leaning on my mom to watch her. Dakota is great with her, so that makes things easier.”
“I want to respect your boundaries, Kenna, I do. But I missed so much already. Unfortunately, I don’t have the flexibility in my schedule to be here every day, or I would be. When I am able to see Cadence, I’d like to try to make the most of that time with her. So can I please stay for her bedtime routine? You can study while I play with her in her high chair and finish making dinner.”
Her shoulders relax as she lets out a sigh. “I’d like that, Griff. Truly, I would. Yes, you can stay. Thank you for offering to let me study.”
“I know I’ve only just met her, but she’s perfect. You’ve done an amazing job with her, Sunshine.”
Kenna’s breath hitches at the term of endearment, and I mentally smack myself for letting it slip.
At the same time, I don’t exactly have time to waste tiptoeing around her. I need to take advantage of every moment I have while I’m back here. I need to wise up and get it through my head that Kenna and I being together isn’t a good idea. At least, not right now. We need to focus on learning how to co-parent Cadence first and foremost.
That’s easier said than done when she looks so good, and being in her orbit again feels so right.
Besides, I don’t even know if she’s single at this point. It’s been killing me not knowing.
So, I casually ask, “Are you seeing Ian? He seemed pretty friendly last night. I mean, it is what it is. I just want to know who is involved in my daughter’s life.”
“Are you sure that’s the only reason you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong?”
“Honest.” Yeah, right. I’m acting like a jealous fuck, and she sees right through me.
She rolls her eyes at me. “He isn’t really in our daughter’s life at all. Has he seen her when he comes over to hang out with Carson? Sure. Are he and I involved? No. Much to his regret.”
“So, you two have never . . .”
“Aside from a few dances on my twenty-first birthday, no, nothing has happened between us. Not that it’s any of your business.”
I hold my hands up in surrender. “Noted. I’ll stay in my lane.”
“Mhmm, I’m sure.” She clears her throat. “So, I forgot to ask earlier, where are you staying while you’re in town?”
“I just extended my reservation at the same hotel the team stayed at.”
“Griff, that’s almost a half hour away with traffic. Why don’t you stay here? Carson has two spare bedrooms. There’s only a bed in one of them right now, but it beats staying in a hotel. He has an away game tomorrow, but he will be back for Halloween.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I am. This way, you can see Cadence more while you’re in town for the next few days.”
“I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this. Thank you. This means a lot to me, Kenna.”
A few hours later, I tiptoe out of Cadence’s nursery and pull the door closed. I have the absolute biggest smile on my face right now just thinking of how amazing it was to be a part of her day.
I walk down the hallway. Seeing Kenna’s bedroom door cracked, I pop my head in to let her know I was able to get Cadence down. I realize my mistake instantly. The sight in front of me nearly kills me—Kenna is in nothing but a lacy bralette and a tiny pair of sleep shorts. She’s just about to pull on a T-shirt when I see something that has my blood pumping even harder than seeing her like this does.
“What does that say?” My voice is raspier than it’s ever been, dripping with desire.
She gasps, clearly caught off-guard. “Griff, what are you doing in here? You can’t just barge in my room.”
“The door was cracked. I came in to tell you I got Cadence to sleep.” Taking a step into her room, I close the door behind me.
Her answering intake of breath might’ve made me realize I shouldn’t close the space between us, but the curious desire in her eyes tells me otherwise.
“What does it say, Kenna?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The tattoo on your ribcage. What does it say?”
“Griffin, you’re crossing a line we shouldn’t cross again. Thank you for getting Cadence to bed. Please go to sleep in the guest room.”
“What does it say, McKenna?”
“Griff,” she whispers. We’re so close, her breath fans across my chin, and I want more, but I know we shouldn’t.
“Tell me, please.”
“Take a look for yourself.”
Right below her bralette, on the left side of her ribcage, written in script, is the word Sunshine.
I have the strongest desire to scrape my teeth over her tattoo before leaving open-mouth kisses along each letter.
Instead, I ask, “You permanently marked me on your skin?”
“I didn’t mark you on my skin. I marked a word from a song that our daughter loves.”
“I don’t believe you. You’ll always be my sunshine, McKenna,” I whisper, staring into her blue eyes. I’m transfixed.
“We can’t do this, Griff,” she breathes.
“Why not?”
“Because so much has happened between us.” A look of anguish takes over her face as tears flood her eyes.
Kenna steps around me, stopping when she gets to the door of her ensuite bathroom. “I just need us to focus on Cadence right now, Griff. We haven’t talked in two years. Even though there were times tonight when it felt like no time had passed at all, that’s not the reality of the situation. I need reliability. Cadence needs consistency. The version of you that I last saw in Boston is neither of those things. I’m willing to be proven otherwise, but it will take time. There’s also the fact that you broke me when my heart was already broken.”
I’m at a loss for words. I knew I broke the only beautiful thing left in my life, but realizing everything I missed out on, and all of the pain I caused Kenna because I was too scared to lose another person I love, it damn near brings me to my knees.
Kenna cuts off my spiraling thoughts. “Goodnight, Griffin.”
I nod my head and find my words. “Goodnight, Sunshine.”
With that, I head down the hall to my room. She’s right; we need to focus on Cadence right now. We also need to get reacquainted with these new versions of each other. But I’m under no illusion that what we had between us is over. I’m going to prove myself to her. I’m ready to fight for the life I want—a life with my two girls.