CHAPTER TWELVE Thats Cheating
Andre did not raise his voice.Maya almost wished he would.Anger she understood. Anger could be answered with
anger. It could explode and leave ashes.
Andre's quiet made her face every word without distraction.
"You keep saying you didn't cheat," he said.They had moved into the living room.
Maya sat on the edge of the sofa. Andre remained standing.
"I didn't sleep with him. I didn't kiss him.
""That's not the only way to cheat.""I know emotional cheating is a thing, but -""But what?
""I came to you. I'm telling you the truth.
""After weeks. After lies. After private calls when I wasn't home.
"Maya wiped at a tear. "I was confused."Andre shook his head.
"Confusion didn't make you mute his notifications.
Confusion didn't make you call him from parking garages.
You made decisions."She looked at him, startled.
"How do you know I muted him?""Because I'm not stupid, Maya.
Your phone used to light up on the table all the time.
Lately it doesn't. You carry it room to room.
You turn it facedown. I noticed. I trusted you, so I didn't investigate.
"The shame of that landed hard."I'm sorry.
""I know you're sorry now.""I was going to stop.
""But you didn't."Maya covered her face.Andre sat in the chair across from her, elbows on his knees.
"Do you want him?""I don't know.""Do you want me?
""Yes.""That's not fair.""I know.""No, I don't think you do.
" His voice cracked for the first time. "You have spent seven years telling me I am your person.
We have talked about marriage. We are looking at houses.
And now I find out I have been living in a relationship with a woman who is secretly figuring out whether she still wants her ex.
""I never stopped loving you.""Then why do I feel like I just found out I was the safe option?
"Maya stood. "You are not the safe option.
""You called him when I left the house."She froze.Andre's eyes were wet now, though no tears fell.
"You waited until I left," he said. "Think about what that means.
"Maya took a step toward him. "I know it was wrong.
""It was cheating.""Andre -""It was. Maybe not physical, but you gave somebody else intimacy that belonged inside our relationship, then hid it from me.
"Maya wanted to defend herself, but every defense sounded smaller after he spoke it plainly.
"I am trying to be honest now.""And I appreciate that.
I do. But honesty after secrecy doesn't erase the secrecy.
"He stood again and went to the window.Maya followed, stopping a few feet behind him.
"I can't help what my heart feels," she whispered.Andre closed his eyes.
"I hate that sentence.""Why?"He turned. "Because your heart didn't text him.
Your heart didn't lie to me. Your heart didn't schedule phone calls around my gym time.
You did that. Feelings happen. Choices are yours.
"Maya began to cry fully then."I don't want to lose you.
"Andre's face softened, which hurt more.
"Then tell me what you want.""I want you.
""And him?"She could not answer.Andre nodded.
"That's what I thought."He walked past her toward the stairs.
"Where are you going?""Guest room.""Andre, please.
"He stopped with one hand on the railing.
"I love you, Maya. That's exactly why I can't pretend this is nothing.
"The bedroom door closed upstairs.Maya remained in the living room with the lights off and the city glowing beyond the glass.Her phone was on the coffee table.Jalen had not messaged.For the first time since seeing him, Maya wished his name had stayed gone.