CHAPTER THIRTEEN Follow Your Heart
Andre slept in the guest room for three nights.
During the day, they moved around each other with painful politeness. He still made coffee. Maya still put his mail on the desk. They asked practical questions about groceries, work, and whether the dry cleaning had been picked up.
At night, the closed guest-room door felt louder than an argument.Maya did not contact Jalen.Jalen sent one message Friday morning.Jalen: You okay?
She did not answer.Another came Saturday.Jalen: I'm going to give you space.
Whatever happens, don't make a choice for me.
Make it because it's what you want.Maya read that message several times and hated that it sounded reasonable.Sunday evening, Andre came downstairs carrying a laundry basket.
He set it near the stairs and looked at her.
"Can we talk?"Maya sat up."Yes."He took the chair across from her again, the same one from the first night.
"I've been thinking.""Me too.""Do you love him?
"Maya's chest tightened."I don't know what to call it.
"Andre shook his head. "Call it whatever it is.
Not whatever sounds least painful."She looked down at her hands.
"Part of me never stopped loving him."There.
The sentence she had been afraid to say.Andre stared at the floor.Maya rushed forward.
"But I love you too. I love our life. I love how you love me.
I don't understand why both things can be true.
"Andre's mouth tightened."Maybe they can.
But I can't build a marriage on being one of two men you love.
""I'm not asking you to.""What are you asking?
"Maya's voice broke. "Time.""Time for what?
To compare us?""To understand my feelings.
""And what am I supposed to do while you do that?
Sleep in the guest room and hope I win?""Andre, please.
"He stood and paced once across the room.Then he stopped.
"Follow your heart."Maya looked up."What?
""You keep saying your heart is pulling you somewhere.
Fine. Follow it."Her stomach dropped. "Don't say that like you don't care.
""I care enough not to compete with a memory.
" "I don't want you to leave.""You want me and you want him.
""I can't help -"Andre raised a hand. "Don't.
Please don't say you can't help it."Maya went quiet.His voice lowered.
"You can feel whatever you feel. But you cannot have your cake and eat it too.
You have to make a choice. I'm not going to be played with while you figure out whether your first love is your real love.
""You're not being played.""I am living with someone who wants another man.
What would you call it?"Maya began crying again.
"I want to be with you too."Andre nodded, tears shining in his eyes now.
"That's the problem. Too."The word hung between them.Too.Not only.Not fully.Too.Maya stood and reached for him.
Andre let her hold his hands but did not pull her close.
"I love you," she said."I believe you.""Then stay.
""Love is not always enough reason to stay somewhere you're being hurt.
"She flinched.Andre squeezed her fingers once and let go.
"I deserve someone who doesn't have to decide whether I'm enough.
""You are enough.""Then why am I packing?
"Maya looked toward the stairs."Packing?
""I'm going to stay with Damon for a while.
"Panic rose in her chest."Andre, no.""I need space.
And I think you do too.""Don't go."His face folded for a second, and Maya saw how hard he was working not to break.
"If I stay tonight," he said, "you'll hold me and tell me you love me, and I'll want to believe that's enough.
But tomorrow you'll still wonder about him.
I can't live inside that question with you.
"Maya had no words left.Andre went upstairs.This time, the sound of the door closing was followed by drawers opening.