CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE No Answer
Maya waited six weeks before she called Andre.
Six weeks of therapy appointments on Tuesday evenings. Six weeks of coming home to an empty townhouse and resisting the urge to turn loneliness into a reason to text someone. Six weeks of learning to sit with feelings instead of treating them like instructions.
Her therapist, Dr. Elena Brooks, never told Maya what she should do.Maya found that deeply annoying.
"Do you think I should call him?" Maya asked during their fifth session.Dr. Brooks crossed one leg over the other.
"What do you want from the call?""To apologize.
""Only that?"Maya looked at the plant beside the window.
"No.""What else?""I want to know if there's still a chance.
""And if there isn't?"Maya swallowed."I don't know.
""Then maybe the question isn't whether you're ready to call.
Maybe it's whether you're ready for every possible answer.
"Maya hated when therapy sounded simple.Nothing about it felt simple.Still, the following Saturday she sat at the kitchen table with Andre's number open on her phone.She had never deleted it.Her finger hovered.Then she pressed call.One ring.Two.Three.Voicemail.Andre's recorded voice was the same.
"You've reached Andre. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.
"Maya almost hung up.Instead, she waited for the beep.
"Hi. It's me. Maya."She laughed nervously.
"Obviously you know that. I don't even know if you still have my number.
"Her eyes filled."I don't want to make this harder for you.
I just... I owe you an apology that isn't attached to an explanation.
I hurt you. I lied. I made you question what seven years meant to me, and you didn't deserve that.
I spent a long time saying I couldn't help what I felt, like that excused what I chose.
It didn't."Maya wiped her cheek."I'm not calling because Jalen and I didn't work out.
I mean... that did happen. But I'm trying to understand why I needed to go back in the first place.
I think I confused unfinished pain with unfinished love.
Maybe both were there. I don't know."She took a breath.
"I miss you. I still love you. I also know that doesn't mean you owe me anything.
If you never call back, I understand. I just wanted you to hear me say I'm sorry without asking you to make me feel better about it.
"Maya ended the message before she could say more.Then she waited.Saturday passed.Sunday.Monday.No answer.On Tuesday afternoon, Maya received a text.Andre: I got your message.
Thank you for saying what you said. I am glad you're taking care of yourself.
I need you to understand that I can't reopen this right now.
I hope you can respect that.Maya read it in her office with tears running down her face.The message was kind.That kindness hurt because it contained a boundary.She typed three different responses.I understand.
I still love you.Can we at least be friends?
Are you seeing someone?She deleted all three.Finally she wrote:Maya: I understand.
I'll respect it. Take care of yourself too.Andre reacted with a simple heart.Nothing else.Maya placed the phone on her desk.For the rest of the day, she did not search his name.That was how healing looked sometimes.Not like relief.Like doing the right thing while every part of you wanted to do something else.