CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE The Letter She Never Sent
A year after Andre moved to Seattle, Maya wrote him a letter.Not an email.Not a text.A real letter on thick cream paper she bought from a stationery store that made everything look more important than it was.Dear Andre,I used to think the hardest truth was that I loved two people.
It wasn't. The hardest truth was that loving you did not stop me from hurting you.Maya paused there for an hour.Then continued.She wrote about the mall.
The secret messages. The strange rush she felt when Jalen remembered who she had been.
She wrote about how she had confused being remembered with being understood.She wrote about the night Andre packed one suitcase.I wanted you to stay so I wouldn't have to feel the consequence of my indecision.
I see that now.She wrote about Jalen's cheating but gave it only a few lines.This is not an apology that says I learned because another man hurt me.
What Jalen did was his responsibility. What I did to you was mine.She wrote about therapy.About the new apartment.About throwing away the house listing with the lemon tree.At the end, Maya wrote:I still love you.
I don't know whether that matters anymore, and I am finally learning that love can be true even when it doesn't get rewarded.
I hope your life is full. I hope somebody makes you feel chosen without hesitation.
I hate that I wasn't that person when it mattered.I am sorry.MayaShe folded the letter.Put it in an envelope.Addressed it to Andre's last known Seattle address.Stamped it.Then she placed it in a drawer.She never mailed it.The letter had done what it needed to do before it ever left her hands.It had forced Maya to say the truth without asking Andre to carry it.That night, she slept peacefully.The next morning, she began a new chapter of her life without realizing it had already started.