CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX Four Years Later
Four years changed the shape of regret.
At first, Maya carried Andre like an open wound. Later, he became a scar she noticed only when something brushed against it.
By thirty-nine, her life looked full from the outside and, most days, felt full from the inside too.She had become a partner at the agency after leading a campaign that doubled one client's national reach.
Her office was larger now, with a view over Culver City and shelves lined with awards she pretended not to care about.
She bought a two-bedroom condo in Baldwin Hills with wide windows, pale oak floors, and a balcony that faced the sunset.She did not buy it with anyone else.That mattered.Maya dated occasionally.
A documentary producer for six months. A dentist for three.
A warm, funny professor named Ellis who wanted children immediately and deserved someone who could give him an immediate answer.She stopped dating people simply because they were kind enough not to hurt her.Kindness was necessary.It was not chemistry by itself.And chemistry was necessary too, though she no longer worshiped it.Jalen never returned to her life.She heard through an old classmate that his studio expanded to a second location.
Once, she saw his face on a billboard advertising a sports recovery brand.
The sight surprised her, then passed.Andre remained more mysterious.Maya stopped searching for him after the first year.
She kept that promise to herself even on lonely nights.Once, Tasha heard from Damon through a mutual friend that Andre was "doing great.
" Maya did not ask for details.She wanted to.Growth did not erase curiosity.
It just stopped curiosity from running the house.On a warm Thursday in October, Maya's mother called while Maya was walking out of a presentation.
"Are you coming Sunday?""To what?""Your cousin's birthday.
"Maya stopped. "Mom, you told me it was next weekend.
""I said Sunday.""You said next Sunday.""Same thing.
""Those are literally different Sundays.
"Denise ignored her. "Come around three.
And bring ice."Maya smiled. "Anything else?
""Yourself. Preferably on time."Sunday afternoon, Maya drove to Leimert Park with two bags of ice melting in the trunk and a bakery cake her mother had not requested but would definitely critique.The party spilled from the house into the backyard.
Music played. Children ran between tables.
Somebody's uncle argued loudly about football near the grill.Maya hugged cousins, accepted a plate, and spent ten minutes convincing a six-year-old she could not be bribed into giving him two cupcakes before dinner.Then her cousin Renee approached carrying a bowl of potato salad.
"Guess who I saw yesterday?"Maya took a sip of lemonade.
"Beyonce?""Better.""That's impossible."Renee grinned.
"Andre."The cup stopped halfway to Maya's mouth.Four years disappeared inside one heartbeat.
"Andre Bennett?""How many Andres did you date for seven years?
"Maya set the cup down carefully."Where?
""At the coffee place on Crenshaw near his mom's house.
I almost didn't recognize him. Beard is fuller.
He looks good."Maya's pulse climbed."Did you talk to him?
""For a minute. He asked about everybody.
"Maya waited.Renee's expression changed as she realized what Maya was not asking.
"He didn't ask about you," she said gently.The words hurt more than Maya expected.
"That's okay."Renee touched her arm. "I heard he's in town for family stuff.
Maybe a week."Maya nodded."Good for him.
"She changed the subject.For the rest of the party, Maya laughed, ate, helped clean, and never said Andre's name again.But on the drive home, she passed the exit toward his mother's neighborhood.For one dangerous second, she considered taking it.She kept driving.At the next red light, Maya gripped the steering wheel and whispered, "You are not thirty-five anymore.
"The light turned green.Still, that night, Andre returned to her dreams.