CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN A Name in Passing
Maya told Dr. Brooks about Andre the following Tuesday.
She still saw her therapist once a month now, lessbecause she was in crisis and more because life had taughther the value of regular maintenance.
"What did hearing his name bring up?" Dr. Brooksasked.Maya laughed.
"Apparently every feeling I've ever had.
" "Be specific.""Curiosity. Regret. Hope, which is embarrassing.
Angerat myself for hoping. Fear that he's happy.
Fear that he'snot.""Why would his happiness frighten you?
"Maya looked down."Because it would prove he didn't need me.
"Dr. Brooks waited.Maya sighed. "I know.
That's ego.""It is human. What else?""If he's happy with someone else, then the life Iimagined with him exists without me.
"That sentence sat heavily in the room.Maya thought of the house with the lemon tree.Children they had never decided to have.
Trips they neverbooked. A wedding they had discussed but not planned.
"Do you want to see him?" Dr. Brooks asked.
"Yes.""Do you plan to?""No.""Why not?"Maya smiled faintly.
"Because wanting something isn'tan instruction.
Remember?"Dr. Brooks smiled back.The session ended.Two days later, life ignored Maya's good intentions.
She left the office late and stopped at a grocery store nearWest Adams because her refrigerator contained oat milk,mustard, and one elderly avocado.Maya was comparing pasta sauces when someone behindher said, "You still read every label like there's going to be atest?
"Her hand froze around a jar.She knew the voice.Not from memory this time.From seven years of mornings and evenings.
Fromwhispered conversations in bed. From laughter in kitchens.From the last voicemail she had saved and deleted andsaved again before finally letting it go.Maya turned.Andre stood at the end of the aisle.The first thing she noticed was that Renee had beenright.He looked good.Older.
Broader through the shoulders. A few threads ofgray touched his beard near the chin.
He wore dark jeansand a charcoal sweater, simple as always.His eyes were exactly the same.
"Andre."For a moment neither moved.Then he smiled.Not the smile he used to give her when she came home.
A kind smile.A careful one."Hey, Maya."Her heart beat so loudly she was certain he could hear it.
"What are you doing here?"He glanced around the grocery aisle.
"Apparently wekeep meeting people while shopping.
"The reference to her story about Jalen at the mall landedsoftly but unmistakably.Maya winced.Andre's smile faded.
"Sorry. That came out sharper thanI meant it.
""No. I earned that one."He looked at her for a second.
"How are you?""Good. Really. Work is good.
I bought a place." "I heard you made partner.
"Maya blinked. "You heard?""Damon mentioned it.
Congratulations.""Thank you.""You always said you'd end up running the place.
" The old familiarity slipped into the sentence, and Mayafelt it in her chest."What about you?
""Still designing things people complain about untilthey're built.
"She laughed.For one minute, they were easy.Then Andre reached for a jar on the shelf.His left hand turned toward her.A wedding ring caught the fluorescent light.Maya stopped breathing.