CHAPTER FORTY-NINE No More Comparison
Three months into dating Julian, Maya almost sabotaged it.
They were having dinner at her condo when he mentioned a photography assignment in Mexico City.
"Two weeks," he said. "Maybe three if the second interview gets approved.
"Maya's fork paused."Three weeks?""Possibly.
"Something old activated in her.Distance.Silence.A man with another life somewhere she could not see.
"You're just telling me now?"Julian frowned.
"I found out today.""And you're excited.
""Yes. It's a major assignment."Maya heard herself getting cold.
"Good for you."Julian set down his fork.
"Did I miss something?""No.""Maya."She stood and carried her plate to the sink.
"I said it's fine."Julian followed but kept his distance.
"Your face says it isn't."Maya gripped the counter.The old version of her wanted to make him guess.
The newer version forced herself to turn around.
"I got scared."Julian's expression softened.
"Of what?""That distance means the beginning of being left.
" He waited.Maya continued. "And that isn't about you.
""Is it about Andre?"Maya had told Julian the broad outline of her past, not every detail.She thought carefully.
"Some of it. Some of it is older than him.
"Julian nodded."Do you want me not to go?
"Maya looked at him.A previous version of herself would have said no while hoping he stayed and then punished him for believing her.
"Part of me wants that," she admitted. "But no.
I don't want to be with somebody who has to shrink his life to prove he loves me.
"Julian smiled slightly. "Good, because I really want the assignment.
"Maya laughed.He stepped closer."We can talk every day.
Or not every day if we're busy. We can decide what feels good instead of pretending the distance doesn't matter.
""That sounds suspiciously healthy.""I have references.
"Maya laughed again.Later that night, lying beside him, she realized she had gone through an entire conflict without once asking herself what Andre would have done or whether Jalen would have reacted differently.Julian was not being graded against dead relationships.He was being met as himself.Maya was proud of that.Not because it meant Julian would last.Because it meant Maya finally knew how to stay present if he did.