17. Rehoming a Demon Dog
Rehoming a Demon Dog
It took nearly an hour to fill Glenda and Nathan in on the peculiar circumstances of Luna’s backstory and arrival.
In Malachi’s opinion, it could have been done in half the time had Glenda kept her copious amount of squeals and gasps to a minimum.
The woman seemed incapable of listening quietly and further delayed matters with her protests when Malachi suggested as much.
Currently, he was leaning back into the sofa cushions, arms crossed over his chest and a dignified stretch of his lower lip.
It was not a pout, no matter how kindly Chuck tried to suggest to him that it was.
“Demons. Don’t. Fucking. Pout,” he reminded her once more, a small growl adding an edge to his voice.
“They might not pout, but apparently they can be pretty self-righteous,” Glenda drawled with a heavy eye roll and negligent wave of her hand. She was smirking at him now, a wicked grin challenging him to contradict her.
“We are not righteous either. Lucifer’s pimpled ass-cheeks, woman,” he snapped, “don’t you know anything about Hellspawn?
It’s impossible!” He sniffed and tossed his hair back before huffing in non-righteous fervor.
“I think you mean my own damned levels of self-worth. That I have all day long, so be more mindful. I swear you’re almost as bad as that snarky angel asshole with your judgy-ness.
That’s it… your name is now Judy! Judge Judy!
” He nodded once, a dignified dip of his chin, expecting Glenda to be cowed and apologize.
He really should have known better.
A raucous laugh—so loud it probably startled Muriel from her chin hair counting next door—burst from Glenda as she leaped to her feet and flew at him.
Grabbing his stiff shoulders, she yanked him from the sofa and wrapped him in her colorful embrace.
“I knew you loved me!” she shouted with undisguised glee.
Sputtering through a mouthful of purple and green silk, Malachi spat out the edge of her scarf and stared at her with horror, widening his eyes. He quickly turned to smoke and shadows, slipping from her grip and flitting behind Chuck, using her as a shield from Glenda.
“Keep that crazy bitch away from me!” he growled when he reappeared, his teeth bared, fangs glistening. He opened his mouth wider to unleash a torrent of verbal abuse toward the witch when a quiet giggle had his gaze swiveling to find Luna rolling on the floor, holding her stomach.
“Oh, my Satan, you guys are so funny!” she declared, tears streaming from her eyes.
She sat up and gasped a few times, catching her breath.
“It’s amazing to see all of you coming together despite your differences.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted for myself. Can I stay?
Please? Let me stay with you!” Her eyes were now wide and eager, raising up on her knees, her hands clasped in supplication, begging to be accepted.
Malachi stared at her, his mouth still hanging open, but his expression was now one of alarm rather than irritation.
His teeth clicked shut, and he turned to face Chuck.
“Um…” he trailed off and absently ran a hand through his hair before he looked at Luna again.
“Like… stay here topside? Or like… live with us?”
The small woman nodded quickly as she got to her feet. “Both! You can teach me how to pass as a normal human and still be more demon-like!” Now she was bouncing excitedly on her toes.
Glenda tried to stifle her laughter, but she couldn’t contain it and soon found herself whooping loudly.
“Him? Normal? Oh, honey, you need a better teacher than him.” She scoffed and glanced at Malachi, the delight in her eyes dying when she noticed the calculating expression on his face.
The wicked twist to his lips had her taking a wary step back and gripping Nathan’s hand like a lifeline.
Her head shook side to side, trying to deny what he was going to say, but he beat her to it.
“I agree wholeheartedly, Glenda. So very, incredibly, kind and generous of you to share your concern about Luna’s well-being.
I mean, we all saw how you immediately accepted her, and were able to provide such a meaningful connection.
It’s obvious you have just the right type of guidance, so she doesn’t turn out anything like me.
Could you imagine? Two of me?” He bounced his eyebrows, reveling in her obvious discomfort before he continued.
“How gracious of you to offer to take her in like that. Provide her with a stable foundation from which to start her life away from the degenerates in Hell and the overly pious judgment from Heaven. Truly, you are a saint of a woman and a pillar of the community. We could all learn from your selflessness. Not me, of course; there’s no hope for my redemption.
But under your tutelage, I’ve no doubt that Luna will exemplify kindness and grace.
I applaud you.” His hands came together in a slow clap while he nodded, his eyes wide and guileless.
Luna squealed in joy and threw her arms around Glenda. “Oh, thank you! That’s perfect! You’re so sweet, and you have such a good heart. I know I can learn so much from you! And Malachi won’t be upset if I accidentally see him and Chuck naked again!”
A sputtered cough came from Chuck while Malachi absently patted her on the back.
His smile was so wide, his cheeks hurt, and he was congratulating himself on outsmarting the witch.
She really should be more careful around me, he sent privately to Chuck.
At her wordless murmur, he narrowed his eyes and pulled her closer.
Do you want Lulubean to watch what I’m going to do to you later with my shadows?
He let one tendril brush down her arm with a seductive slide.
“Really nice of you, Glenda!” Chuck blurted, “I mean, really, truly, appreciate it. Just so nice, and thoughtful, and…” A squeal ended her babbling as Malachi pinched her bottom with a shadow. She cleared her throat and smiled weakly.
Nathan surprised them all then by standing and embracing Luna.
“We’d be delighted to have you come stay with us for a little while until you can get yourself in a better situation.
My kids are grown up and doing their own things now.
I’d like a chance to do better for the world.
If that means helping you find your way, even if for a little while, I’m all in. ”
The room was so silent, the proverbial pin dropping would have sounded like a gunshot.
Chuck and Malachi stared at Nathan with wide eyes and open mouths.
Glenda stared at him with watery eyes and clasped hands, a soft smile curving her full lips.
Luna blinked back her own tears as she laid her head on his shoulder.
“I’d like that!” she whispered.
Being the first to regain his composure, Malachi shook his head. “Hey, maybe Lunadoodle can be your K-9, and she can come work with us.”
Luna’s eyes lit up with shimmering golden flames, similar to Malachi’s Hellfire red, but with a glittering softness like Chuck’s aura.
It was part of her angel heritage making an appearance.
“Ooh,” she breathed with excitement, bouncing on her toes once more.
“That would be wonderful! I could learn how to mainstream but also do good! To make up for the bad things I did when I got here.” At the mention of her larceny spree, her cheeks went pink, and she pressed her fingers to her skin.
“I’m sorry about that, I truly am,” she murmured.
Nathan managed to hold on to his stoic expression, but his mustache twitched like a squirrel’s tail, betraying his dismay at the proposal.
Finally, he stretched his collar with discomfort clear in his scowl.
“Come on now, Malachi, I appreciate the thought, but I’m much too old to be a K-9 handler.
That’s a younger person’s gig.” He gestured at Chuck.
“I’m sure we can come up with a different plan. ”
“A younger person…” Malachi muttered. “Hmm…”
“No!” scolded Chuck. “I know what you’re thinking, and don’t do it! Do not drag him into this!”
Malachi blinked at Chuck with hurt in his eyes before dramatically slapping a hand over his heart.
“Whatever do you mean? I was simply thinking through Nathan’s words.
I’m wondering if there’s anyone else on the force we can trust with knowledge of demons?
Of what Luna is? That could work with her, letting her learn to be a force for good and justice.
Isn’t that what she should do to repent for her crimes?
I mean, she stole from a church! Several churches! ”
Chuck’s eyes glinted with mirth as she forced her mouth into a frown, fighting the smile that wanted to form at his obvious machinations. “Bad dog,” she declared, shaking a finger playfully at him.
Glenda cleared her throat. “I don’t mean to be a downer on your weird ass foreplay here, but are you still coming to the women’s empowerment retreat with me, Kelly? We’re supposed to leave in a week. That doesn’t give us much time to get Luna settled, but the boys should be okay.”
Malachi laughed as Chuck’s nose wrinkled, indicating she had forgotten and was not looking forward to it. Especially leaving Malachi alone to get into more chaos.
The night before Chuck left for the women’s retreat with Glenda, they were at Frankie’s Bar, staring at their friend with equal parts concern and disgust. Meaning as concerned as Chuck was, Malachi was equally disgusted.
“I’d rather he go up there and sing back-to-back Nickelback songs than do…
whatever that is!” Malachi waved disdainfully as he stared at the young male officer leaning forlornly into his beer.
“I mean, seriously, he’s depressing. This is worse than the time he tried to get me to sing that fucking showtune shit with him.
I think I might still have hives!” He pulled the collar of his shirt forward and stared down at his chest, checking for any remaining signs of allergic reaction.
Jaxon, the Nickelback singing officer who was normally the life of the party, was definitely depressed.
Currently, he was drooped over the table, ignoring the sticky residue of chicken wings and spilled beer slowly staining the hem of his sleeve.
The gelatinous mixture was turning the edge of the baby-blue material a color that could accurately be called mud.
Once upon a time, it was something he would have cared about. Now… he didn’t even flinch.
Smirking at the soft oof from Malachi as Chuck elbowed him in the ribs, she reached across the table and patted Jaxon’s hand.
“Ignore Mal, he’s just being himself. You know, a whole damn asshole demon.
” She elbowed him again when Malachi started to protest and shrugged when he grumbled about her violent tendencies.
Lifting his eyes, Jaxon met Chuck’s worried stare and Malachi’s contemptuous glare with his weary gaze.
A low sigh slipped from his lips. “Yeah, I know, but he’s right.
Demon or not, I am bringing down the party.
I should go…” He stood with the aching slowness of a man twice his age and dug some crumpled cash out of his pocket.
Tossing the wadded-up bills on the table, he mumbled, “Here, this should cover my portion; I’m heading out.
” Turning quickly, he hurried away before the group’s protests grew louder, ignoring their calls for him to come back.
Malachi turned to Chuck. “See, this is why I thought he would be the perfect person to take Lunar Lander on as a K-9. He’s a mess. He needs a distraction.”
Chuck shook her head. “But taking on a half-angel, half-demon partner?” Blowing out a noisy breath, she paused.
“Actually, you know what? You might be right! She’s doing okay for now with Glenda and Nathan, but that’s not a good long-term solution.
They can’t watch her all the time, and Jax could use a distraction. ”
Prepared to argue, Malachi paused and stared at her. “Can I get that in writing? Wait”—he pulled out his phone and pointed it at her as he grinned—“say it again, while I record you.” Just as he hit record, she lifted one finger instead.