18. Welcome to Hell, Jaxon
Welcome to Hell, Jaxon
Opening the door, Malachi paused to appreciate the difference in volume from the noisy crowded bar and the relative quiet of the parking lot.
He noticed Jaxon was standing near his car and watched as the man sucked in a deep breath of the cool evening air, relishing the bite of the brisk winds swirling in, hinting at the possibility of a cleansing rain.
Jaxon tensed for a moment upon hearing the door open, then relaxed his shoulders slightly and cracked his neck when no one approached. Malachi had silenced his footfalls partially out of habit but also because he enjoyed messing with the man. He listened as Jaxon began muttering to himself.
“Probably just someone leaving or coming out for a smoke break.” Another sigh, heavier than before, was followed by a miserable groan. “I said I didn’t want pity and now I’m being a whiny bitch because no one’s checking on me. No wonder Marla left me. I’m annoying myself.”
“I wasn’t lying about the hives, you know,” Malachi’s sultry voice wrapped around his target along with some of his shadows.
Swearing under his breath, Jaxon cursed his luck that the one person who came after him was the one who was going to rub it in the most. “Fucking demon,” he spat, his voice laced with venom.
Slowly, he spun to stare at Malachi with a tired gaze.
Shaking his head, he grunted, “Chuck sent you out to check on me? Or are you just here to have another laugh at my expense? Because those are the only two reasons I can see you being here.”
Malachi studied him with a smirk. “Is this still about me pissing on your shoes when we first met? I apologized, and I haven’t done it since.
Plus, dog then, human-ish now.” He waved his hands slightly, and his grin widened a fraction before he adopted a more serious expression.
His brows bunched together, appearing like two raven’s wings over his eyes that he softened to appear more sympathetic.
He needed to gain Jaxon’s trust, not irritate him.
At Jaxon’s stilted shrug, Malachi continued, “Look, Chuck didn’t send me out here, and honestly, I’m not here to yank your chain.
I’ve developed a little bit of a conscience.
Just a small one.” He held his palms in front of him, about a quarter inch apart in demonstration.
“So, I wanted to come clean about something, because I kind of feel like this situation is partially my fault.”
Jaxon studied Malachi, his nose scrunched in confusion as the demon shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked nervously on his heels.
Without warning, he snatched the front of Malachi’s shirt and yanked him so close, they were almost nose to nose.
“Your fault?” he growled in a fair imitation of Malachi’s K-9 form.
“What do you mean… your fault? Did you tell her to take that job? Did you encourage her to move just to fuck with me?” His eyes were wide and wild, desperate for someone to lash out at for the pain that still had him reeling.
Normally, Malachi would encourage that kind of madness and fervor, but he needed Jaxon open and amenable to his plan.
“No!” Malachi stated quietly but firmly as he plucked Jaxon’s hands from his shirt effortlessly, then smoothed out the material.
Holding his palms up again, he patted the air between them in a calm-down gesture, trying to create some space.
“I didn’t have anything to do with that.
I didn’t even know Marla was moving across the country until you told us when we got here.
What I meant is that I’m the one who kind of set you guys up to start with. ”
Grimacing, loathe to admit this part, he spilled the whole story about how Chuck—in a moment of well-meaning matchmaking delusion—had asked him to help nudge Marla and Jaxon together.
He hadn’t wanted to do it, reminding her he wasn’t fucking Cupid and that he shouldn’t toy with people’s emotions, but he’d never been able to resist any request of hers.
When he finished, he watched Jaxon anxiously, waiting to see how the heartbroken man responded.
His emotions were so volatile; this could go either way.
“You… you made us like each other? So, this whole thing was just a fraud?” Jaxon’s lips quivered, and his eyes welled. He sucked in a deep breath and bit his lip, making it clear he was not going to cry in front of the demon who would never let him forget it. A fact Malachi appreciated.
“Fuck no!” came his tired retort. Malachi grunted in irritation, thinking Chuck would have been much better at this.
Debating how to respond, he raked a hand carelessly through his wind-tousled hair.
His resemblance to a men’s magazine model caused a trio of women walking into the bar to trip and nearly fall.
Once they were inside, Malachi rolled his eyes, then pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.
“Dude, Marla was already completely into you. Like, disgustingly staring at you with puppy eyes and practically drooling. It was gross. What she didn’t have was the confidence to approach you.
All I did was help boost her self-belief so she could find the courage to let you know she was interested.
And you, I just made you aware that she was a great catch.
I promise, I didn’t know this would be the outcome.
I didn’t influence your emotions toward each other, and I haven’t messed with you guys’ relationship since.
I’ll swear it on Lucifer’s left tit! The right one too if it helps.
” He grinned encouragingly and nodded, trying to make himself more believable.
He didn’t exactly have the best track record with the man.
Squinting suspiciously, Jaxon finally shook his head and turned back to the parking lot, clicking his key fob to unlock his door. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this. I’m too tired to understand it. I guess thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I’m going home.”
Shifting around on his feet uncomfortably, Malachi mumbled an apology.
As Jaxon glanced over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows at him questioningly, he groaned then repeated himself.
“I said, I’m sorry. I feel like, if I hadn’t pushed you two like that, she wouldn’t have broken your heart.
” He tilted his head back and stared at the dark sky for a moment before squaring his shoulders and leveling his gaze with Jaxon’s startled stare.
“I know I haven’t always been the nicest to you”—he pointed at Jaxon with narrowed eyes—“and do not make any smartass comments. I will out-insult you, and you know it’s true.
Anyway, I was trying to say that I do like you, Jaxon, douchey name aside, and I feel bad that this happened.
So… I wanted to say I’m sorry. I hope you don’t act like a mopey bitch about this for too long.
It makes Chuck sad, and I don’t like Chuck sad, and I do kind of miss singing with you.
A little. Just a tiny bit. But I’ll deny it if you ever tell anyone I said it. ”
Jaxon stared incredulously at Malachi as his jaw dropped.
Sighing impatiently, Malachi waited what felt like forever as Jaxon’s brain scrambled to make sense of what he’d just heard.
Now, the officer swallowed nervously as the demon in front of him grinned with a distinctly mischievous twist, his eyes filled with Hellfire.
“Go home and get some sleep; I’ll come find you tomorrow to make it up to you,” Malachi announced and rubbed his hands together like a villain. “We’re going to have some fun!”
Warm, wet kisses moved up Jaxon’s neck and then to his cheek, waking him from a deep sleep.
Without opening his eyes, he smiled, whispering, “Marla, you came back.” His hand rose to the back of her head, stroking her hair, then paused.
His eyes flew open to find Chuck’s dog Reena standing next to him, enthusiastically licking his face.
“Oh, what the fuck!” he shouted as he wrenched his head away to the delight of the other person in the room.
“Oh, that’s priceless!” Malachi’s booming laughter echoed as he pressed the button to stop recording.
He tapped the corner of the phone on his chin thoughtfully.
“I don’t know whether to blackmail you to keep this private or just post it anyway and risk Chuck’s wrath!
” He shook his head side to side as he debated, “Hmmm.”
Jaxon shoved Reena to the side, propping himself on one elbow. “Malachi!” he yelled, fury making his voice shake as he scrubbed his arm over his cheek, wiping Reena’s slobber off his skin. “How the fuck did you get in? Why are you here?”
“Hey!” Malachi shouted back, cramming his phone in his pocket before he gently grabbed Reena and lifted her to his chest, where he cradled her like a baby.
“Don’t hurt my Chuglet. I like her more than you!
” He kissed his tiny sidekick on the head and smiled softly as her underbite jutted out in sadness at Jaxon’s seeming rejection.
“It’s okay, baby; he doesn’t deserve your affection anyway,” he cooed as he tickled her under the chin.
They both turned stern gazes on the sputtering man still in his bed, staring at them incredulously.
“Sorry, Reena, you startled me, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Jaxon finally mumbled. He narrowed his eyes and pointed at Malachi, who was smirking at him knowingly. “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?” he demanded again, gritting his teeth in irritation.
Rolling his eyes, Malachi plopped down on the end of the mattress and began petting Reena dramatically.
Dragging his hand over her head like he owned an evil empire of minions waiting to do his dastardly bidding.
Long, slow strokes, flaring his fingers out in between each pat as he grinned maliciously.
“Dude, smoke demon, remember? I smoked under the door then opened it to get my girl here. You weren’t answering my knock. ”
Groaning, Jaxon smacked his hands over his face, covering it completely.
He mumbled into his palms as he flopped back on his pillows.
“What did I do to deserve this? I’m still asleep.
This is a nightmare; I’m dreaming, and any second now I’m going to wake up, and that fucking demon will be gone.
” He peeked between his fingers and jolted as Malachi leaned over him in his full demon form.
His horns glinted in the streetlight from the window, his wings spread menacingly as he flashed fangs in a wide, unhinged grin.
“You know you love me, Jaxxy.”
“Don’t call me that. I will shoot you.”
Gasping with false affront, Malachi gently clapped his large hands, complete with wickedly curved talons, over Reena’s ears. “Not in front of the baby!” he protested. Still smirking he shifted back to his human form.
Rubbing his forehead, perhaps trying to stall a headache brewing behind his eyes, Jaxon moaned wearily. “Fine. Whatever. What do you want, Malachi?”
“You to quit being a whiny ass bitch and man up. Get dressed. We’re going to spread discordance and maybe commit some felonies.” Malachi nodded once and began buckling something over his shoulders.
It was then Jaxon noticed Malachi was wearing what looked suspiciously like a baby carrier harness.
Squinting, he stared incredulously as Malachi snugged Reena into it and tenderly fastened the straps around her.
When he turned toward the bed again, Reena was happily panting with her back to Malachi’s chest, her paws dangling in front of her, no longer looking like an angry kangaroo.
“Why are you still in bed?” Malachi demanded. He glanced at his watch. “The night is way too young. Get up, you lazy ass, and get in the shower. We have things to do and people to see.”
Jaxon sat up then. “Hold on, where’s Chuck? Why did you bring Reena? Who are we going to see? Is this going to be like that time you dressed up as a nun for Halloween?”
Sighing, Malachi snapped his hands to his hips and gave Jaxon an exasperated stare.
Shaking his head, he held up his fist, uncurling his pointer finger.
“First, Chuck went to that empowering women conference spa retreat thingy with Glenda.” He uncurled his middle finger.
“Second, I didn’t want to leave Reena out of the fun.
She loves chaos and fuckery almost as much as I do!
” Reena grumbled her agreement, and Malachi grinned as he added a third finger in the air.
“Third, I told you last night I have a plan. My cousin Flick and another friend are here, so we’re going to shake you out of this embarrassing state you’re in and help you recover your manhood.
Fourth”—he added his pinky finger to the mix as Hellfire lit his eyes and he leaned forward—“it’s going to be so much worse. So, get up, get dressed, and let’s go.”
Blinking owlishly, Jaxon simply stared at the haughty demon with the small dog strapped to his chest snapping his fingers.
Finally, he lost control and threw himself back on the mattress howling in laughter.
“It’s here! I’ve completely lost my mind!
Welcome to insanity Jaxon! You made it!” He rolled side to side, holding his stomach, tears streaming down his face.
“I’m having a breakdown and the damn demon dog is my guide to normalcy. ”
“You know, I’m starting to feel just a tiny bit unwelcome here.
” Malachi stepped around to the side of the bed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Look, I love Chuck, so I put up with you. But don’t make me regret it.
Get up. NOW!” He yelled the last word with a growl that shook the walls and caused dust to filter down from the ceiling fan over the bed.
Quickly sobering, Jaxon controlled his laughter and sat up, easing around the angry demon glaring at him with glowing red eyes. “Right. Shower. Got it.” Hurrying to his en suite, he glanced over his shoulder, shaking his head in bewilderment.
Malachi paced around the room, carrying on a low conversation with Reena, who was staring up at him with intense adoration. He praised her willingness to go along with his shenanigans, knowing if Chuck hadn’t gone to that conference with Glenda, she would have protested involving the little dog.
As Jaxon firmly shut the door to the bathroom, he muttered, “Welcome to your life, Raifson.”
Malachi grinned, glancing at Reena. “He has no idea.”