Beezlebub’s Butt Burning Brew
Beezlebub's Butt Burning Brew
Dinner was… what meetings always became when this group got together: noisy and boisterous.
Jaxon entertained Luna with some of his more interesting arrests.
Flick told stories about his and Malachi’s adventures as young demons.
Most of these stories grew gradually more and more elaborate until Chuck scoffed in disbelief.
Nick snuck food for Reena under the table while Chuck pretended not to notice.
The highlight of the meal was Nick’s reaction to the hot sauce Flick excitedly poured on one of his tacos, reassuring him it was a life-changing experience.
After one bite, the angel coughed and sputtered as greasy meat dripped onto his usually pristine robes.
His face turned as red as the salsa while he struggled to swallow the mouthful.
“What in eternal damnation was that?” he chokingly demanded, glaring at the demon who was smiling devilishly at him.
“Hot sauce. Beelzebub’s Butt Burning Brew to be exact,” Flick explained helpfully, waving an innocuous seeming bottle at him.
“Give me that,” Jaxon chuckled, snatching the bottle from the demon’s hand.
His laugh grew even louder. “Where did this even come from? I know Chuck didn’t buy this.
An emulsion of Carolina Reaper, Ghost Pepper, Underworld Slayers, and a combined Scoville rating of…
whoa… Nick, you might want to grab a gallon of milk.
” He glanced at the angel who was clutching his throat, his face growing a darker crimson with each cough.
Chuck stomped back into the room and dropped a glass of milk in front of Nick, glaring at Flick while the angel noisily chugged it down.
“Malachi?” she inquired lightly, her tone sweet and casual.
It was in direct contrast with the stare she had pinned the other demon with.
“If I cut Flick’s hands off, they’ll grow back, yeah? ”
Flick gulped audibly and shoved his hands under his thighs as he leaned away from Chuck. A high-pitched whine slipped from his throat as he leaned toward his cousin for protection. Which was not forthcoming.
She took a step closer, while Nick wheezed painfully in the silence that followed. “What about if I shoot him in the balls, will those grow back?”
Malachi chuckled low as Flick squealed and crossed his legs tightly. “Yes… to all of that. But it will make a mess, and we don’t want to traumatize our friends.”
“Pity…” she muttered and patted Nick on the back without breaking her stony gaze from Flick’s now terrified face.
Nick’s eyes were streaming, tears pouring down his cheeks like a waterfall on his face. They dripped unchecked onto his messy robe, now covered in taco grease, milk, hot sauce, and tears. “That is certainly from Hell. Pure Satanic lava!” he declared, still wheezing, waving his hands frantically.
Reena stood on her hind legs, her paws on his lap while she whimpered with concern. Her curly tail pulled tight against her back, still for once.
Squirming uncomfortably in his chair, Flick glanced around, looking for an ally in his antics. Finding none, his shoulders slumped dejectedly, and he sighed. “It is…” he finally admitted. “I thought it would be funny.” He hung his head in shame.
“It was,” came Nick’s calm, non-wheezing voice.
All heads turned to stare at him in shock.
His robes were once again pristine, his eyes were dry, and his breathing was steady and normal.
Even Reena released a confused grumble. As Flick stared at him open-mouthed, eyes wide in disbelief, Nick winked and pointed a finger gun at him.
He clicked his tongue and announced, “Gotcha!”
Luna was the first to break the stunned silence, a small giggle squeaking from her lips. She clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle it, but the sound spilled between her fingers like an unstoppable force.
Soon the others joined her as they enjoyed a good laugh at Flick’s expense.
Flick shook his head while a rueful smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Alright, I’ll admit. That was a good one.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” Nick sniffed with a good-natured chuckle. He slapped Flick on the shoulder so hard, the demon nearly face-planted in his food.
Rolling his shoulders, Flick stared at the angel warily. “Can’t believe I’m being the serious one now, but maybe we should figure out the plot today before Nick the Dick here tricks me into a final death.” He scooted his chair an inch away from the grinning angel.
Nick nodded as his smile widened. It was full of glee and innocence.
And no one did innocence quite like an angel.
“I agree with our damned friend here. We do need to figure it out.” He picked up the bottle of hot sauce and sprinkled more on his next taco.
Lifting it to his mouth, he winked at Flick before taking a large bite.
“Mmm. This is way better than the food in Heaven.”
“They have food in Heaven?” Jaxon asked, watching the angel with curiosity.
Nick waggled his head. “They do, but it’s more of an illusion because, of course, angels don’t need to eat, and neither do the souls who reside there.
It’s only there for those who need a transitory period.
Time to adjust to no longer having earthly needs.
It’s a hard habit to break. It’s purposely kept bland and tasteless, to help break that need.
Once they lose interest, it’s easier to stop altogether. ”
Nodding along in fascination, Jaxon leaned forward.
“That’s really interesting. I’ll have to pick your brain later.
My mom was Catholic. She had very specific ideas about what would happen when she died.
I’m wondering…” He trailed off, staring at the others guiltily for monopolizing the angel when they had more important things to discuss.
“Sorry,” he murmured to the group. “It can wait.”
Rising silently in his graceful way, Nick moved to Jaxon’s side and placed a comforting hand on his back. “She’s very happy,” he offered quietly. “She’s resting well, and she’s so incredibly proud of you.” He patted Jaxon’s shoulder before moving back to his chair.
The quiet in the room was profound after the angel’s revelation.
Malachi felt his throat tightening as Jaxon stoically tried to hold back the emotion that was visibly coursing through him.
“Fucking angels,” he grunted under his breath as he tried to surreptitiously wipe under his eyes without anyone seeing.
He caught Chuck’s small smile and knew she’d seen him but wouldn’t say anything.
“Okay, before we get too far into the saccharine lovey-dovey bleach my eyeballs bullshit,” he stated louder, winking at Chuck.
“Can we try to figure out who the fuck tried to kill me today? Because I’m not here for it! ”
Clearing her throat aggressively, Chuck nodded as she slammed her glass down on the table with a decided thump.
“Absolutely!” She held up her hand and began ticking off on her fingers.
“Who was he? What was his goal? Who sent him? And is that fucker dead-dead, or is he coming back? Because I’d love an opportunity to double tap him between the eyes! ” she seethed.
“I love it when you talk all dirty and murdery,” Malachi sighed happily, squeezing her thigh under the table.
“He’s not dead-dead—cute by the way—because I only ended his earthly corporeal form.
He’ll respawn in Hell eventually, but as a lower-level demon.
It’s gonna take him a while to build up enough juice to get back to where he was.
So, we won’t be seeing him again anytime soon.
But that doesn’t mean there won’t be others. ”
Pinching his lower lip in concentration, a trait that Malachi had noticed was common with the officers of their precinct, Jaxon nodded slowly.
“I agree. Someone will keep coming after you.” He glanced up and took in their rapt attention.
“I don’t know who he was, of course, but he was most certainly there for Malachi and… Pestilence? Who’s that?”
“Me,” Luna responded quietly. “That was my first name before Chuck and Malachi gave me a real name. Luna.”
Jaxon jerked back. “Seriously? Your parents named you Pestilence?”
Chuck grunted to get his attention, and jerked her head to the living room, indicating he and Luna should take that conversation elsewhere.
She smiled softly as he rose, taking Luna’s hand gently and leading her to the sofa where they carried on their discussion in low tones.
“Flick,” she snapped sharply as the copper-haired demon rose to join them. “Let them be,” she commanded.
“I want to hear the whole story too,” he whined, trying for sympathy. “I only heard part of it before.”
Malachi rolled his eyes. “Dude, I’ll tell you later. But he needs to bond with her. You don’t. So, sit down, shut up, and listen.” He grinned fondly at his cousin before he added, “Bitch.”
A small wheeze came from under the table; Reena was laughing too.
As the night wore on, and the conversation adjourned to the living room, they circled around the topic multiple times, but no one knew who the other demon was.
There were just too many for them to know each and every one.
Demons multiplied faster than rabbits. The only other person they could ask was Amaryllis the Defiler, and no one seemed keen to bring her back in.
In the end, they decided that Flick would need to go back to Hell to snoop further and try to find a resolution to their problem.
Finally, Chuck stood and waved her hands. “That’s a wrap, people. Non-people. Everyone. Whatever you are, get the heck out of my house.” She flapped her hands expressively to the door, waving them to the exit. “No, really. Go!”