37. Brie Makes Her Gassy
Brie Makes Her Gassy
Asmall whine near his feet had him glancing down as he whooshed out the breath he had indeed been purposefully holding.
He winked at Reena as she chuckled and wagged her tail hopefully at him.
“Yes, Princess. Steak tonight, and I’ll make sure Mommy saves you some.
Do you want me to cut it up in smaller pieces or do you want to gnaw on it like a large predator with its kill in the wild to satisfy your little dog syndrome? ”
Rolling her eyes, Reena muttered in disgust, making an angry chihuahua face and growling at him slightly before she turned and trotted into the kitchen. Her tail was held high with indignation as her nails tapped out a saucy rhythm.
Smirking at her retreating form, Malachi hurried outside to start the grill as requested.
The way humans approached their near ritualistic preparations for cooking meat over an open flame was something he thoroughly enjoyed, finding it soothing.
There was a show on the internet from a man in Texas that purported to be teaching the gospel of meat, and the non-religious overtones, despite the name “Meat Church,” made Malachi cackle.
His personal favorite was a seasoning called Holy Cow.
He carefully measured out the right amount of charcoal to keep a good fire without cooking the meat too fast or smoking out the neighbors.
Although he wouldn’t mind making Muriel panic and race out of her house in whatever horrid pajamas she wore.
They were probably just as eye-searing as the muumuus and leisure wear she seemed to live in.
Idly, he wondered if she made them herself.
He couldn’t imagine anyone else on the planet having the active desire to wear such abject monstrosities, but she had to be getting them from somewhere.
He shuddered at the thought of a herd of Muriels parading about in their highlighter nightmare outfits.
A scuffling from the back fence caught his attention, and he idly glanced around, looking for the source, but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
Casually shaking the coals as they caught in the charcoal chimney, he let his otherworldly senses roam, looking for anything that shouldn’t be there.
Smirking, he scoffed at his paranoia as he sent a message to the raccoon rummaging through the bins.
Hey, little trash panda, stick around, and I’ll bring our scraps to you!
Wait. You’re not high on ketamine, are you?
A muted warble was the response, indicating his scraps were welcome; his humor was not.
The charcoal was now glowing brightly in the chimney, so he poured it into the grill, nodding in satisfaction as the pieces fell in a perfect pentagram.
He stirred them around, so they scattered into an unrecognizable pattern, then set the grate over the top.
He heaved a satisfying sigh of domestic bliss, sucked in a deep breath of the smoke, and let it swirl in his lungs.
He had a strong affinity to smoke, being able to become one with it, so he lost himself for a moment in the teasing tendrils as they danced about inside his body.
Peeking through the window, he saw Chuck’s back was turned, so he took a moment to turn to smoke himself and wind through the plume coming from the grill.
He relished the smell of the burning embers and embraced it like an old friend, the scent of charring ash reminding him of Hell.
Flitting about with the smoke, he twirled around the yard, circling the tree trunks, dancing along the top of the fence, and pirouetting up to the stars before floating down like a leaf on the autumn winds.
“You’re so beautiful like that,” came Chuck’s whisper.
Her voice was hushed and low, conveying her feelings with more weight than her actual words.
“Malachi, it’s incredible. Don’t stop on my account!
” she begged. Her fingers lifted and trailed through the bottom edges of the dark, shadowy smoke that hovered over her head.
Obliging the naked longing on her face, he swirled around her, wrapping himself tightly against her every curve.
He caressed her with his shadowy fingers, giving them just enough substance for her to feel the gentle pressure he applied to her skin.
Stroking her body, he groaned as she arched into his touch, her breath catching in the way that drove him to the brink of insanity.
He would willingly follow her over the edge into that chasm of depravity, but he was also conscious that they were outside.
He didn’t care about privacy and making a spectacle, but he knew she did.
“Malachi!” she cried out, her voice breathless and needy.
Fuck it. He whisked her clothing away with a swirl of one shadowy tendril and laid her on the lush grass, cradling her head tenderly in his arms. Pressing his lips to her throat, he grazed shadow-softened fangs over her pulse, wrenching another lust-filled cry from her.
YIP! Reena barked right in their ears.
Glaring at the Chuglet, Malachi sent her his not-so-kind thoughts. Not now, Mommy and Daddy are having time alone. Go inside.
Reena whimpered again, prancing on her paws and casting frantic glances toward the back fence.
“I think she has to potty.” Chuck laughed softly against his neck. “We can take this inside.”
Staring at the brindle menace who was betraying him, Malachi solidified and opened his mouth to scold her when he sensed something beyond the fence where she was staring.
He held a finger over his lips to indicate to Chuck that she should also remain quiet.
Immediately she complied, not peppering him with questions the way most women he’d known would have done.
Closing his eyes, he concentrated, expecting to find the raccoon rummaging in the trash cans again.
Chuck, inside now. Demon lurking behind the fence. Get your gun and wait by the door. I’ll try to grab it, but if it makes it past me, you know what to do.
Grinning, she tapped him between the eyes with her fingers. “Bet your smoky ass I do,” she whispered before rising quietly and slipping inside.
“Satan’s ass cheeks, I love that woman,” he told Reena as he watched Chuck hurry inside and go for her gun. She didn’t even stop to get dressed. He snapped his fingers, putting her clothes back on, laughing when she shot him a grateful grin over her shoulder.
Turning back to the main problem at hand, the demon in the back alley, he slipped into shadow form once more.
Tendrils of ashy smoke slunk along the base of the fence, following it to the panel that obscured the demon spying on them.
Slipping between the boards, he circled the spy the way a shark surrounded its prey.
Who the fuck are you and why should I let you live? He thundered to the other demon. He noted it was rather small and had a shadowy quality, while small, feathered wings fluttered nervously.
A startled yelp slipped from the demon before it disappeared completely, leaving only the scent of brimstone behind.
“Fucking demons,” Malachi grumbled as he stomped inside, slamming the door behind him.
Pounding his fists on his hips, he glared at the floor.
“Stupid, fucking, demons.” Raising his eyes to Chuck’s, he grimaced.
“He left; I don’t know who he was or what he wanted.
I guess I scared him.” He huffed in irritation that he couldn’t capture the intruder.
“Did he seem menacing? Like he wanted to hurt you? If you scared him away that easily, maybe he didn’t mean us harm.” Chuck tilted her head and studied him as she tucked her weapon back in its case and laid it on the counter. “They sure are coming out of the woodwork lately.”
Taking her hands in his, he rubbed his thumbs over the back of her fingers.
“I know,” he sighed, “and I’m sorry. I’m sure somehow this is my fault.
It’s like there’s a celestial target on my back.
And on you by association. Even if they are after Nick, me being here put you in the spotlight.
” He shook his head, hanging it with a defeated frown.
He hated any threat to her, especially when it concerned him and his heritage.
“Stop it,” she demanded, her voice firm but also hinting at amusement.
A slight smile fought her stern expression.
“You know damn good and well that I was also a target of the original plot. Chance brought us together, but we decided to send fate the middle finger, and we will fight to our last breath to keep the world from tearing us apart. We chose to love each other; everyone else can go to Hell. Literally.” Raking her fingers through his hair, she tugged on it until he returned her grin.
“Damn right,” he agreed. “Even though I didn’t initially choose to fall in love with you, I was helpless to resist it.
I didn’t want it, but I’m so glad I accepted its inevitability.
Demons be damned, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Guess you’re stuck with me. And my hair.
Your obsession with it is what really keeps you here, isn’t it?
” He waggled his eyebrows as he shook the jet waves over her face, laughing as she sputtered over a mouthful.
Glaring, she flicked his nose. “An obsession I’m beginning to regret.” Her gaze softened. “Regardless, I’m glad you stopped fighting and accepted what was in front of your very large nose.” This time she gently tapped the end of his nose.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he grumbled as he pulled her close. “My nose is not what’s large. Need I remind you what you said the first time I finally got you naked?”
“Nope!” she yelped, clapping her hand over his mouth.
“I know what I said then. I’m talking about your canine snout.
Your muzzle. That nose. Let’s grill the steaks.
” She whirled, breaking free of his grasp and hurried to the counter to grab the thick slabs of rib-eyes before rushing back outside to the grill.
Smirking, he strolled to the oven and glanced at the potatoes inside, snug in their foil jackets, no doubt soaked in salt and butter.
Despite not needing to eat, he enjoyed it.
Meals with Chuck were high on his list of favorite things to do.
His stomach rumbled in anticipation of the delicious feast she was preparing.
Straightening, he glanced at Reena, who was staring mournfully at her empty food dish.
She sighed so dejectedly, anyone watching would think she had been starved most cruelly.
Crouching, Malachi stroked her tiny head and tickled her chin.
Cut it out, short stuff. You know she saved some for you.
Do you need some crunchy brown rocks to tide you over until dinner is served?
Her negative growl made him chuckle. Got it, princess.
I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. I appreciate you looking out for us. Do you forgive me?
Sniffing haughtily, Reena grumbled under her breath and turned her head, refusing to meet his gaze.
What if I add some cheese to your bowl? He grinned as her eyes shifted toward him even as her head stayed facing away. Maybe some crumbles of blue cheese? Or perhaps you’d like some parmesan? Some brie?
Her stomach rumbled, and she finally faced him, a small string of drool dripping from her lower lip. A happy yip was followed by heavy panting as she reared up and put her front paws on his leg.
“Brie it is!” he announced out loud, standing and laughing as she whirled clockwise like a dervish, paused, and spun the other way. Her delighted howls had Chuck poking her head through the back door.
“Did you promise her brie again?” she groaned playfully.
“It was quite the fierce negotiation!” he responded. “Blood was threatened, I almost perished.”
An eyebrow arched before she muttered, “Mmhmm.” She went back outside to flip the steaks.
Glancing down at Reena, he winked as she wheezed a laugh. “She’s just upset because it makes you gassy. Be sure you take that stench outside, okay, princess?”
Reena grumbled in agreement before heading out back to monitor Chuck’s progress on dinner. Her toenails tapped out a much happier tattoo than they had earlier; Malachi was forgiven.