38. Celebratory Felonious Besmirching
Celebratory Felonious Besmirching
Quietly, Malachi eased away from the kitchen, hoping not to draw any attention to himself. In the spare bedroom, he sent a summons to his cousin Flick, hoping the coppery menace wasn’t in the middle of anything he didn’t want to see.
After a few minutes, Flick appeared, dripping wet, towel clenched loosely around his waist. A decidedly wicked grin curved his lips, carving into his cheeks so deep it must have hurt. “You rang?” he purred. “This better be important. I don’t want round two to start without me.”
Against his better judgment, which he didn’t have much of anyway, Malachi asked, “Sherry the waitress or Kassidy the detective?”
Flick’s smile grew even wider as he gasped dramatically.
“Kassidy?”
“Kassidy.”
Smacking a hand over his face, Malachi shook his head. “That’s fast work, even for you. I’m kind of impressed given you don’t have any incubus powers.”
Flick leaned in, still dripping water, and lowered his voice, “It’s because I’m fucking precious.
” Straightening, he laughed as he flashed in and out, completely dry, clothed, and flipped his long hair over his shoulder.
“Better. I hate keeping it short in human form.” Ignoring Malachi’s snort of derision, he placed his fist on his hips. “Seriously. What’s so important?”
“Another demon was spying on us earlier. It was behind the fence. Young, male, I didn’t recognize him.
When I asked him what he was doing, he shrieked and popped out of here like Asmodeus yelled boo.
Sound like anyone you know? I didn’t get the sense he was part of the plot with Ramsilel, but you never know.
Do you mind checking out the alley back there and see if you pick up on anything before you head back to your debauchery? ”
All business now, Flick nodded and hurried out the front door, ostensibly to check behind the fence.
After a few minutes, he slipped back inside, shaking his head.
“I think you’re right. I didn’t pick up anything ill-intended, just fear and youth.
Strange. I didn’t recognize the signature, but it still smelled familiar somehow.
I’ll see what I can find out. Also”—Flick grimaced as he lifted his leg to show long angry scratches over his ankle—“there’s a very irritated trash panda out back that’s impatiently waiting for dinner you apparently promised her? ”
Chuckling, Malachi examined the sluggishly oozing marks. “Hmm, yes, it would seem you irritated the neighborhood raccoon population. Should have explained how fucking precious you are to avoid rabies.”
With an irritated snarl, Flick blinked out of sight, heading back to wherever he had managed to get the detective to meet him for their evening together.
The week following Skeerot’s appearance, and subsequent disappearance, was mostly quiet.
No further demon sightings, no break-ins at area places of worship, and only ordinary cases filled the roster.
It seemed Amaryllis’ new gate attendant had the desired effect on the Underworld after all.
Malachi was of the opinion they should wait and see.
Chuck was ready to chalk it up to a victory.
“See?” she questioned as she gestured at the scene before them. “No brimstone!”
The suspect Malachi had tracked and subdued was lying still as another officer handcuffed him.
The filthy man was whimpering slightly, having even gone so far as to wet himself.
The smell of urine and fear was so great, Chuck turned to stare at her K-9.
“Cut it out!” she snapped at him, glancing around to see if anyone else noticed.
Removing the Hellfire from his gaze and covering his fangs, Malachi gazed up at her innocently.
Panting and letting out a soft happy bark.
What? He asked, offended she was so cross.
Just putting the fear of my Dark Lord into him so he’ll be nice and compliant.
If he doesn’t struggle, no one else gets hurt, right?
His gaze drifted back to the captive as the other officer hauled him to his feet.
A tiny snarl slithered from his throat, and he flashed his eyes blood red once more for emphasis.
If he fights, I’m taking a bite of his soul!
“Good boy, Malachi!” Nathan called as he sauntered over, slipping a few bacon treats into the demon’s quivering muzzle as he laughed quietly.
He’d been the officer in charge of the scene and called for them specifically.
Lowering his voice, he turned his head so no one could hear him except Chuck and Malachi.
“How’s our girl Luna doing? I don’t get to keep up with them much.
She really is a sweet girl. Glenda and I enjoyed having her around those few days.
I understand why she’s with Jaxon, but make sure she knows she can visit any time, huh?
” He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.
Huffing his mustache, he nodded once at Chuck’s quick agreement, then hurried back to his car to get a report.
Huh, sounds like ol’ Nate and Judge Judy have empty nest syndrome. Do you think they want to adopt Flick? I’m pretty sure he wants to stay topside.
“Oh, God in Heaven!” Chuck exclaimed, horrified at the thought.
Throwing up the bacon without warning, Malachi whimpered pathetically at the symbol of the Morningstar on the ground before him.
The sludge hissed as steam rose from it in a noxious cloud.
He leaned heavily against Chuck’s legs and moaned.
Why do you do this to me? All I ever try to do is love you, and yet you torment me so.
Sighing, Chuck squatted and wrapped her arms around his neck, rubbing her cheek over his scruff.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice full of apology.
“I just forgot myself. I really didn’t mean to make you sick.
Are you okay? Do you need some water?” She ruffled his ears soothingly and waited for his response.
Nah, I’m fine, or I will be in a minute or two. Just… try not to invoke that name without at least a little warning, please? Contrary to what it seems, I do not in fact enjoy barfing like that. What a waste of bacon.
“It’s not…” Chuck paused and snorted in laughter at his growl.
“Right, I’ll get you some more before you stage another snack union walkout.
” Rising, she clipped his leash and indicated the car.
As they moved toward the SUV, her radio signaled, indicating she was needed again.
Breaking into a run, they both hurried into the vehicle and listened to the details.
Waving to Nathan, who had also heard the call, Chuck put the car in gear and sped on to the next scene. “Alright, we have a suspect who fled into a field… huh,” she paused, a small frown curving her lips as her eyebrows drew together.
Huh, what? he asked when she didn’t finish her thought. She didn’t answer right away, so he whined slightly to get her attention.
Jumping, Chuck glanced at him in the mirror. “Sorry, just… It’s odd. It’s the same field where that demon took that little girl after he carjacked the mom. You remember, where you got in that fight, and he threw you into the tree?”
Why is that always the part you bring up when you talk about that day? There were a bunch of other things you could mention, you know? Like how I walked out of there with my head and tail high despite four broken ribs and a punctured lung?
“And went to the vet the next day as a fluffy spookums woofums.”
That’s just downright rude. You know what? For that, I’m going to make Kevin Flatbush hump your leg next time we see him. And laugh.
Rolling her eyes as she flicked on her turn signal, she snorted. “Oh, c’mon, Mal, I was teasing you.” At his dissatisfied grumble, she chuckled. “Come on Mal-Mal, who’s my fluffy wuffy spooky wooky woofums?” Her voice was pitched higher in a sing-song tone.
Crouching low in his compartment, he draped his front paws over his eyes and shook his muzzle side to side as he groaned.
It’s me, I’m your spooky wooky woofums. Do not ever tell anyone else about that.
Raising his head and trying to regain a tiny speck of his dignity, he changed the subject.
So, about this field, is it uncommon for things to happen there? Why is it significant?
Humming low, she waggled her head. “It’s not that it’s weird by itself, because things do happen there.
I guess it’s just because there’s a normal crime in a place where something major happened.
So much changed after that day. You told me the truth about you, about me, and it just…
I guess it, in a weird way, it’s like a milestone on our timeline.
So, the fact that it’s something… non-celestial made me pause.
” She shrugged and laughed in a humorless self-deprecating way.
I see, you’re being sentimental. That’s okay, I surprisingly don’t mind.
You were kind of a badass that day, and it was such a relief to be myself around you.
Not that I wasn’t always, but not having to tell half-truths and pretend I wasn’t what I really am.
You know, now that I think about it, that is a special place.
Our special place—how dare these assholes besmirch our spot!
I’ll show them the true definition of besmirched!
Delighted laughter burst forth from Chuck now as her shoulders shook with real humor.
“Oh, man, please don’t besmirch anything, Malachi.
I’ll have a hard time explaining that in my report to Jeffers.
” She straightened, sitting stiffly as if confronting the lieutenant.
“Sir, I cannot explain why Officer Malachi set a fire around the field. Or… I’m sorry, sir, but that was him besmirching it to mark his territory. ”
Ooh, fire! he exclaimed excitedly, a happy grumble and small woof as he pranced on his paws.
His tongue flopped out. Damn, you have some great ideas!
I was just going to pee on it or maybe drag some brimstone around.
But setting it on fire? That’s even better!
Let’s come back tonight, and I’ll pour some kerosene in my family’s rune to mark it as my territory.
The flames will be amazing as we toast my Lord Lucifer.
We can bring Re-Re and roast some marshmallows!
Invite Luna and Jaxon too. They should bear witness to our celebratory felony!
“I cannot believe I’m saying this, but we will not be committing any felonies, celebratory or otherwise. We can lose our jobs over that. Besides, what if the fire gets out of control? Or someone gets hurt? No, Malachi, not a risk we can take. How about we just get a selfie?”
Shifting to human form so he could accurately voice his disgust, he huffed.
“A selfie?” Flipping the compartment hatch open with his shadows, he leaned forward, his expression contemplative as he rolled the idea through his mind.
It actually wasn’t a bad idea. But he had points that needed clarification first. “A selfie. As the K-9 or as me? Or both? Hey, let’s do both.
And then since I’ll be in human form and gloriously naked, I can besmirch you against a tree. ”
Pulling alongside the scene, parking next to the other officers already on site, Chuck turned to him with a soft smile.
“You know I love your naked form, but let’s not risk it with so many witnesses, okay?
Just do the job at hand, and we can stop at that chicken place you like and pick up dinner on the way home. Deal?”
Sighing as he shifted back to canine, Malachi shook out his coat and thumped his tail on the walls of his compartment a few times. Finally, he released a soft bark of agreement. Fine, but after we eat, I’m definitely besmirching you in the backyard.