39. Pruney Polyester Police Prude
Pruney Polyester Police Prude
Another week passed with no further supernatural crimes or strange occurrences.
The influx of regular, mundane cases brought a change in the weather.
The days were gloomy, dark, and dreary. Storm clouds hung heavy and low in the sky, the threat of rain constantly looming over the city.
They were the kind of days that made most people want to stay inside and curl up with a good book or a favorite movie.
A cup of hot tea, a fluffy blanket, maybe some cozy slippers, and wile away the hours safe and dry. Most people.
Unfortunately for Chuck and Malachi, the people who were out in this weather were sick of being inside after five straight days of rain.
Cabin fever was alive and well, running the officers ragged.
Their raincoats did little to keep the damp from their shoes, and Chuck took to keeping extra socks in her SUV.
She also began keeping extra towels for Malachi’s fur.
“I didn’t say you smelled like a wet dog”—she laughed—“I said you are a wet dog, and I hope you don’t begin to smell like one.”
Laugh it up, Officer McChuckles. We’ll see who gets the last giggle when I shake my pelt at you. Dogs do that, so no one would think twice. And I won’t warn you; it will come when you least expect it. So, you’ll have to live with the antici—
He paused, watching her with unblinking glowing red eyes as her gaze flew warily to the mirror and stared at him with concern. Right as she inhaled to speak, he finished: —pation.
Suppressing a weary sigh, Chuck opened the compartment and shoved a towel through the door, then snapped, “Dry off, you beast.”
Doing his best impression of Reena’s wheezy laugh, Malachi caught the towel in his mouth and used his paws to spread the cloth under his body.
He didn’t need it for himself, but he didn’t want others to question why he was dry despite the weather.
Dogs couldn’t really snap their fingers to remove damp instantly.
“Yeah, yeah, super woo-woo powers and all that aside, I’m sick of the rain too.
I get why it makes people crazy. Well, crazier than normal.
Jasper is always ready to cause a ruckus at the liquor store.
Rain, sleet, or snow. He’s more dependable than the postal service.
” Groaning, Chuck leaned her head against the back of the seat and stretched her fingers out.
“I’m turning into a prune,” she mumbled, staring at the wrinkled skin of her hands.
With a whispery voice that shook like the aged man they’d just spoken to, Malachi taunted, the cutest little prune to ever carry a gun, yes you are. Just the most adorable example of bravery and womanhood to ever wear a badge! Such a sweet nugget of pruney justice.
Cackling with a deep belly laugh now, Chuck wiped her eyes at Malachi’s impression of the town drunk.
She was one of the few officers that could get Jasper to calm down and stop bothering patrons of area liquor stores without further disruption.
He often waxed poetic about Chuck being a female officer and how much she reminded him of his daughter.
The squawking alert calling for them cut off the laughter as quickly as it started, and she leaned forward, checking the details.
A puzzled frown tugged her lips down sharply as she squinted at the screen.
“This is odd; we’re being called to the same building as that kidnapping a couple of weeks ago.
Where you got… injured,” she explained with trepidation in her voice.
Why is that odd? It’s full of desperate people and horrible circumstances; things are going to happen.
Last week we went to the field with that kidnapped kid, and you got all maudlin on me.
Are we doing that again because of the building?
Should we go to the alley and take another selfie?
I like the compliments I get on social media.
People like me more than you! The kid that runs the department page is a genius!
Hey, I want to do one of those K-9 walk-up song videos. How about Sympathy for the Devil?
Ignoring the social media comment, Chuck frowned slightly. “No, not so much the location, but it’s Detective Roundtree who called for us. As in you and me specifically. But there’s no robbery. It’s just…” she trailed off, staring pensively out of the windshield.
Malachi wasn’t sure what she was staring at, since the rain was obscuring all view now.
Hey, he called, leaning forward and sending a tendril of shadow out to caress her cheek.
Don’t worry, whatever it is, we’ve got this.
We are the best damned team out there! Well, half damned anyway.
I’m fully damned, but you’re more half blessed.
So that makes us half damned, a quarter blessed and completely unstoppable!
He panted in triumph for his clever twist of words.
Chuck snorted and turned the vehicle on, flicking the lever to get the windshield wipers started on their futile task of clearing the rain from the glass.
Come on! he whined. That was good, and you know it. You can’t deny that my sharp wit and command of language is comedy gold. Quit raining on my pun parade! Get it? Raining? I should get my own stand-up tour.
“Yes, well, as completely hilarious and knee-slapping as it was, settle in. The roads suck, and I can barely see, so quiet down while I drive. I need to focus,” Chuck responded with a voice so dry, even the rain couldn’t dampen it.
Grumbling under his metaphorical breath, he cursed in seventeen different languages before she chuckled.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Mr. I know six hundred sixty-six languages.”
You said to be quiet. I was quiet. You didn’t say I couldn’t talk to myself, he pointed out with as much righteousness as he could muster. It still wasn’t much, but more than he could gather before he met her.
A slight hiss between her teeth as a large truck splashed water over the windshield, briefly obscuring her view completely, had him tensing with her.
Shifting to human, he slipped one arm through the partition opening and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“Kelly, it’s okay. I’ve got you. This car could flip over three times and burst into flames and not a hair on your body would be touched.
I would never let anything happen to you.
” He hoped his tone was soothing and was relieved when her muscles relaxed slightly under his touch.
“Thanks, Malachi,” she said softly. “Not a great visual, but I appreciate what you meant by it. I just hate the feeling of no control, of losing my grip on this tentative hold I have on things.”
Squeezing her arm again, he kept it there the rest of the drive until she pulled into the lot behind the building.
For a moment her eyes raked up the edifice of the structure they’d been called to by the detective, determination stiffening her resolve.
Sighing as she put the vehicle in park, she spun to face him.
“You know I don’t really mind that sense of humor of yours. I just hate driving in heavy rain.” She cupped her fingers around his jaw and leaned in, gently kissing him with her eyes full of gratitude.
“I do know, and if I could drive for you, I would. But I know you can’t have Evan behind the wheel of your official shop.
” He sighed then groaned. “Detective Mustache wants a word.” He nodded to the back of the building where Roundtree was indeed waiting, holding the door open and waving.
Shimmering back to dog form, he tapped the enchanted harness with his paw, so it fastened around his body again.
Figuring out how to do that saved them a lot of time and let him shift faster.
“Right,” Chuck said, settling back into what he called her warrior mode. “Let’s go see what he wants. And do not”—she grabbed his muzzle and stared directly into his eyes—“give me any descriptions or information about what he was doing with your cousin,” she added as he laughed.
Pruney prude, he taunted, then turned to the door, waiting for her to open it so he could dash with her to the building. Pruney polyester police prude, GAH, he choked as she tightened up on the leash just before he got inside. Damn it, I was gonna shake on Flick’s booty call!
Chuck merely smiled prettily for the other officer and nodded.
“Hey, Kass, might want to step back before Malachi does that dog thing and shakes all over you. Don’t want to get that nice suit all damp and smelling like a wet dog, do you?
” She waved at his suit jacket draped over his arm, his dress shirt pristine despite the humidity accompanying the storm.
Eyes wide, Kassidy jumped back several steps, gazing at the large black dog warily. “Thanks for the heads up,” he mumbled, taking another step back for good measure.
Malachi sniffed haughtily and gave the slightest shake of his coat.
Barely a ripple to make the water fall to the floor.
He watched from the corner of his eye as Chuck frowned, knowing he’d made her look overly dramatic.
To deepen the burn, he sat up on his haunches and released a happy boy bark, holding out one paw to the detective.
He woofed again in invitation, whining slightly as he waved the paw invitingly.
Kassidy blinked a few times rapidly before stepping forward tentatively and taking the proffered paw, then giving a gentle shake. A large grin spread across his face as Malachi made a cheerful rumble, making him shake harder before he slowly reached out to pet his new friend.
Still full of the desire to be contrary, Malachi leaned into the pat and wagged his tail like a flag before licking Kassidy’s face enthusiastically.
“Huh, he sure seems to have come around. I guess he smells these,” he chuckled as he pulled a small bag of bacon treats from his coat pocket. He waved them at Chuck with raised brows, silently asking permission.
Fuming, she nodded sharply. “Sure, that’s fine. He doesn’t know it’s not real bacon, so he’s a sucker for those. Guess that’s why scientists say pigs and dolphins are smarter.”
Staring at her in confusion for a moment, Kassidy slowly nodded before handing a few of the treats over to Malachi, who gratefully inhaled them.
Yeah, well, pigs are delicious and turn into bacon and pork chops.
Dolphins get caught in nets and stuffed into tuna cans, or made to do dumb tricks for tourists.
So, riddle me this, pruney polyester police prude pundit, are they really smarter?
Because right now it seems like I’m doing G—God’s work, and getting paid in bacon snacks.
Maybe your blood sugar is low. Do you need a snack too?
I bet that’s why you’re so cranky; you really should take better care of yourself, so you don’t get hangry.
“How’d you know those were the ones he liked? Jaxon tell you?” she asked just a little too loudly for the space as she tried to drown out Malachi’s rambling.
Tilting his head at her with even more confusion, Kassidy smiled sheepishly. “Actually, it was Flynn. That handler that brought Luna? He and I… umm… we grabbed a beer, and he was telling me those were Malachi’s favorite.” Now the man’s cheeks colored a bright crimson that spread down his neck.
He’s totally picturing Flick naked. Look at his ears, I did not know a human’s skin could achieve that shade of red! I want to see how far we can take this. Ask him what he thinks about the size of Flynn’s—
“Where to?” Chuck blurted, pinching one of Malachi’s ears discreetly.
Eager to change the subject as well, Kassidy turned and practically fled up the staircase. His back was stiff and his shoulders rigid as if he could feel their stare on his back.
“Not. A. Word!” Chuck whispered fiercely between clenched teeth.