Chapter 24
Quinn
August, Junior Year
The apartment they chose to rent—the two-bedroom apartment , because Quinn maintained it was the right decision for a plethora of reasons—was available starting the beginning of August, so Quinn moved in, by herself, almost a month before Liv was scheduled to arrive.
Other than the bed that was going in what they were, for now, calling “Quinn’s room,” which Quinn and her parents had purchased from an estate sale over the summer, Liv had insisted on buying all the furniture they needed.
Or, rather, letting her parents gift it to them.
Quinn was trying to lean into gratitude.
Everything began arriving steadily in the second week of the month, first the couch, then a small dining room table and chairs, followed by a television, and then several boxes of towels, pots and pans, and even a grocery box full of pantry staples.
By the time swim practice started again, the apartment resembled a place actual adults would want to live in.
Though she could have moved into her dorm right away, Quinn invited Emma to stay at the apartment for the week before Liv came back.
It felt like summer camp, or at least, what Quinn imagined summer camp might feel like, given she’d never been.
They had three-a-day practices, but each night they returned to the apartment to veg out, watching movies and trashy reality television.
Emma was a surprisingly good cook, whipping up a few meals, though they mostly subsisted on protein bars, fruit, and yogurt .
A few days before Liv was scheduled to arrive, Quinn ran out for a few groceries.
When she returned to the apartment, she overheard Emma talking to Brandon.
She knew without asking that she was on the phone with her boyfriend.
She could tell by the tone of Emma’s voice that it wasn’t a pleasant conversation, and they’d been fighting all week.
Quinn tried to be inconspicuous as she moved around, putting the few things she’d purchased away in their respective places in the kitchen, but as soon as Emma joined her in the room, Quinn asked, “What was that one about?”
Emma huffed. “Same thing.”
“I don’t understand why y’all have to go through this every year,” Quinn said. She was aware, obviously, that she was not exactly an expert in relationships, but she still didn’t think it was right, Emma’s boyfriend giving her a hard time each year when she left for school.
“I mean, I feel the same way,” Emma replied. “It’s just hard for him, me leaving.”
“I do get that part. You’re great,” Quinn said, nudging Emma’s shoulder. “But the dude never even comes to visit?”
“He’s busy with work,” Emma said, an edge of defensiveness in her voice. “Are you seriously judging my relationship right now?”
There was a challenge in her expression, and Quinn knew this was going to be unpleasant. “I’m not judging, Em.”
“It seems like you are,” Emma replied, her edges sharpened. “It’s a little ridiculous, especially considering your own… situation .”
“Oh, here we go,” Quinn grumbled.
“I’m just saying. I love Liv. Not like you love Liv, obviously,” Emma said.
“Shut up,” Quinn replied, rolling her eyes and trying to play this all off as a joke between friends, to soften the conversation.
“Are we really doing this again this year?” Emma asked .
“We’re friends ,” Quinn insisted.
“Uh huh. Don’t come at me when you haven’t even figured out your bullshit, okay?” Emma snapped.
She was being unfair, Quinn was pretty sure. The two situations were vastly different. Quinn and Liv were just friends, with an understanding of the constraints in what they were doing. Emma was planning to marry this man. She had his name literally tattooed on her body.
It was different.
Quinn took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “I’m not trying to fight. Can we please just have cereal for dinner and watch some terrible TV?”
It seemed, for a moment, like Emma was going to say yes. But somehow, Quinn not giving her the fight she was angling for made her temper flare hotter. She shook her head and stormed out of the room, scooping up the backpack she’d been living out of.
“I’m going to stay in the dorm,” Emma said. She had tears in her eyes, and Quinn didn’t want her to leave upset.
“Emma, come on,” Quinn replied. “You don’t have to leave.”
“I’ll see you at practice tomorrow,” Emma said, and she was gone.
They did see each other at the pool the next morning, but Emma didn’t acknowledge Quinn beyond a quick nod.
She avoided her the rest of their trainings that day, too, to the point that other members of the team were shooting Quinn concerned glances, not used to seeing them without each other.
Quinn hoped that her friend was just calming down, still working through her own bullshit, as she’d so eloquently put it.
They didn’t speak until the following Saturday, the day before Liv was flying in.
Without discussing it, they’d both come to the pool at the time that had become routine for them to meet up on the weekend, swimming lazy laps in adjacent lanes.
When they finished their laps, they danced around each other in the locker room.
It wasn’t until they’d showered and dressed that Emma approached Quinn.
“Can we talk?” Emma asked. Quinn nodded, and they walked outside, sitting on top of a table just outside of the pool building, their feet kicked up on the bench.
They were silent for a while, just existing together, listening to the sounds of campus coming alive for the year.
“I’m sorry,” Emma eventually said. “I shouldn’t have brought up you and Liv. It wasn’t what we were talking about, and it wasn’t right.”
Quinn thought for a while about her response. “I’m sorry, too. Your relationship with Brandon is none of my business. I should stay out of it.”
It was what she was supposed to say, she knew, but it certainly wasn’t what she wanted to say. Emma knew her better, though, turning so they could face each other directly.
“But?”
“But you are amazing and one of my best friends, and I just want to be sure that you’re with someone who appreciates how great you are.” Okay, Quinn needed to work on that, but she just couldn’t stop herself.
Emma groaned, running her fingers through her hair. Quinn was about to apologize again, but Emma spoke first.
“I know, from the outside, it doesn’t look good,” Emma said carefully. “But when we’re together, he’s better. I promise.”
Quinn wasn’t sure who Emma was trying to convince with her words, but she nodded. “Okay. I will try to give him the benefit of the doubt.”
“I’m sorry, too. When your non-relationship blows up in spectacular fashion, I promise not to say, ‘I told you so.’” She said this with a glint in her eye, a challenging smirk on her lips.
“You are shit at apologizing,” Quinn told her fondly. Quinn knew it might be a minute before things felt easy between them like they had before, but she leaned over to Emma, putting her arm around her friend’s shoulders .
“I feel like I started pretty well,” Emma said, and then her face got serious again. “I am worried about you, though. And Liv. I love you both.”
“We’re good,” Quinn insisted. “Are you coming over tomorrow?”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Aren’t y’all going to need to fuck in every room or whatever…” It didn’t sound like the worst idea to Quinn, which clearly showed on her face because Emma laughed. “And now you’re thinking about it.”
“I mean, obviously,” Quinn responded. “But we’re just doing Sunday movie night, you’re always welcome.”
“Sounds like you want me to chaperone so you can keep yourselves from humping like bunnies as soon as you see each other.”
“What a beautiful turn of phrase,” Quinn replied. “You have such a way with words.”
“Well, I am an English major,” Emma said, flourishing her hand in front of her, causing Quinn to grin despite herself.
Quinn didn’t want to explain to her friend, though, that her real concern was the exact opposite. She didn’t know if the time apart may have changed things for Liv, for them, that she was afraid that the situation may be tense.
Sure, they’d again talked every day that summer.
Most of their calls lived up to the “friendly” expectation, although there was a night, late July, when the conversation went in a direction that Quinn had not been expecting.
And sure, it hadn’t felt any different. But things were almost certain to change this year, given they were in a different type of living situation, more on their own than ever before, and, regardless of what either of them said, every day they were coming closer to the inevitable end of whatever they were doing with each other.
As soon as she saw Liv, though, all those concerns faded away.
And damn it, there was a part of her that hated the peace she immediately felt in Liv’s presence. Well, maybe peace wasn’t the right word. She was buzzing with far too much energy for this to be peace. But comfort washed over her, despite the niggling in the back of her mind.
Because it wasn’t real, and it wasn’t right for her to find so much happiness in one person, especially when that person was such a tortuous blend of unattainable and deliciously touchable.
Yeah, it was for the best that Emma was there, tempering the physical response Quinn’s body was having to Liv.
Because, with a witness, she was able, just barely, to keep her hands to herself, shoving them in her pockets and giving Liv an opportunity to explore the space they’d be living in for the year.
As soon as Liv walked into the apartment, she and Emma were hugging and cheering to see each other. Quinn stayed on the periphery of the interaction, understanding that they had a friendship all their own, deserving of its own moment.
After a few seconds, though, Liv was turning, seeking out Quinn. She grinned widely when their eyes met, and Quinn just…melted. Even slightly rumpled from travel, she was gorgeous, and having her full attention turned on Quinn…well, it took her breath away.