Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Sadie
T he new creme brulee lattes Emily picked up for our coffee maker are heaven sent.
I used to have specific favourites I didn’t deviate from, but now I make a point of trying all the flavours she can find. The only dud was a pistachio one that didn’t really taste of anything, but the others have been a nice glimmer of yay for my days in the parlour.
I take a long, creamy sip and savour it, sighing happily.
“Whatever flavour made you sigh like that, I want one,” a voice says behind me.
I turn, quietly preparing myself. I haven’t stopped thinking about last night, and wondering how things will be different when I see him now, at work again, when we’re going back to our routine. Nothing feels normal. Nothing will ever be the way it was again.
Leo’s face is ridiculously handsome. It always has been, and I’ve never been oblivious to that. I’ve just consciously ignored it and never allowed myself to dwell on it. But now that he’s leaning against the door in front of me, tall and broad shouldered, with such smooth olive skin and hazel eyes that are smouldering at me, it’s hard to remember why I ever thought about anything else.
“Creme brulee,” I mumble. “There’s plenty left.”
“Dibs.” And now I’m noticing the way his muscles stretch and the way his Turn It Up band t-shirt lifts as he reaches up to the top shelf of the mug cupboard. Leo really goes for it when he works out, that much is clear. And so much of the ink on his skin was put there by me.
I feel an erotic shiver as I consider that, and remember running my tattoo needles over his body. I enjoyed the view back then, sure, but he was just Leo, just my pal. Now… He has me so keyed up, I’m not sure I could ink a straight line on him if my life depended on it.
“Y’alright, Pumpkin?” Pumpkin. He’s called me that so many times, and it’s never sounded so different before. Intimate, almost.
“Yeah. Fine. You?” So now I’m monosyllabic. Great.
He smirks, but it’s warm, not snarky. Not like when I do it. “All good in the hood,” he teases, loading up the coffee machine. He let me buy it a couple of years ago out of petty cash because I run on coffee, and he said it was an investment to keep one of his tattoo machines running smoothly. I called him a jackass. But now…it’s like he was giving me a gift without me knowing that’s what he was doing, and the thought makes me bite my lip. How many other acts of kindness, of… love …have I put down to friendship, to his baseline generosity that he shows everyone?
Absently, he kisses the top of my head. “Chill,” he murmurs, “it’s all gonna be OK.”
Leo always knows when I need a kind word, and he never fails to deliver. Even now. And I can’t deny that he always makes me feel better just by being there.
I give him an uncharacteristically shy smile, because I have no idea what to say with all these thoughts coursing through me and complicating my already jarred feelings. It’s easier to head out, sipping my latte so I have an excuse not to talk. I have some serious untangling to do, and not a clue how to begin. But drawing on people with a needle always takes me to that wonderfully clear headed, zen space in my head, and I need that now more than ever.
Bring on the appointments.
Sadie: Bro… [wide eyed emoji]
Tim: Rough morning?
Sadie: No, just confusing
Tim: Leo?
Sadie: Yep
Tim: Sorry, but I have to ask. Did you really not know?
My temper flares as I read my twin’s latest message. When I told him what went down last night, he wasn’t in the least surprised, and I hate that. I hate that everyone was in in some we-all-know-and-Sadie-has-no-fucking-clue club. I hate that no-one saw fit to tell me, and shut me out of something that was basically only my business. I hate feeling this stupid.
And, while I can sort of maybe just about understand the Wishbone gang choosing to keep Leo’s confidence out of loyalty to him, I can’t help wondering where Tim’s loyalty to me was in this whole situation. Why he didn’t see fit to take me to one side and say, hey, you know what? Leo thinks you’re crazy hot. You might want to think about that.
Tim: No judgement, just curious. I’ve seen you two together.
I bite my lip. I know Tim doesn’t think I’m an idiot, but it still smarts.
Sadie: What do you mean by that?
The reply comes mercifully quickly.
Tim: The way he looks at you. But also, I’ve seen you look at him, and you always look…more alive. He smiles, you smile. He frowns, you frown. There’s a thread linking you two together.
The uncomfortable feeling of blindness swoops over me again, and I scowl.
Sadie: Like with you and Nat, you mean?
As soon as I press send, I regret it. Dragging the mother of his child into this is a low blow.
Tim: Don’t get defensive. We’re not talking about me. You messaged me looking for a sounding board. I’m sounding board-ing honestly.
Sadie: I’m sorry, that was bitchy of me x
Tim: Yes, but don’t worry. I know you, and you’re feeling shitty because you feel like everyone else knew something you didn’t. Refocus on the issue at hand. Above and beyond anything else, how are you feeling about all this?
Tim never holds a grudge, and is always solution focused. It’s the IT developer in him, assessing and troubleshooting.
I’ve always been the storm to his calm. The yang to his yin.
Sadie: Confused. He’s the same, and he’s different. Maybe I’M different.
Tim: Maybe you are. Or maybe you’re more yourself than you’ve been in years.
Maybe he’s right.
But I don’t think I can get my head around this now. So, once again, and in spite of feeling irritated with myself about it, I bug out once more.
Sadie: Chat later. Love you x
Tim: Love you x
I can hear Liaden’s voice in reception. Sometimes, when her schedule allows, she walks to Wishbone from the university and joins us for lunch. I’m both grateful for the distraction and wondering if I’m equal to it. Dean’s soulmate is nothing if not a dynamo of pure energy, and you have to be on the ball to keep up with her.
Em and Eli have the rest of the week off so they can enjoy being Mr and Mrs alone together for a few days before returning to the real world, so it’s just going to be me, and Liaden, and Dean…
…and Leo.
It’s not that I want to avoid him, it’s that I no longer know what to expect, and that’s unnerving.
And, though it’s hard to admit, it’s also more than a little exciting. I can’t pretend I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach when I think of being around him.
When I get out there, they’re all sitting on the squashy leather sofa. The closed sign is up, and lunch is getting spread out on the table. Leo looks up like he was listening out for me while he gives Dean’s therapy dog a thorough scritching. Click is gazing up at Leo like he’s the doggie messiah, leaning heavily against his legs and making cute wuffling noises of appreciation. He's the cutest pupper ever, and does so well on three legs. We're all devoted to him, not least because of how he makes Dean so happy and comfortable. Click loves to fetch things for him, and will also jump into Dean’s lap if he senses an anxiety spike. They’re rare now, but when they do happen, Click’s got it handled like a champ.
Speaking of Dean, he has his arm around Liaden, grinning at whatever she was saying, kissing her shoulder now and then as she sorts out some plates of sushi for us all.
“Ah,” she says in her bright, ringing voice, “there you are. Got some extra spider rolls just for you.” She holds up my plate, and indeed, while there’s a good selection, there’s more of my favourite type than any other on there.
I manage a smile, but I’m so aware of Leo in my peripheral vision. “You angel, thank you.”
Dean gives me a curious look as I sit down on the arm of the sofa next to him, and Liaden’s eyes dart between me and Leo. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Leo subtly shake his head at them. I pretend not to have noticed, but I cringe inwardly.
“So, have I told you all about Gary?” Liaden pipes up, clearly taking the hint. I’m pretty sure she’s said the first thing she can think of. She’s not the best at picking up social cues, but she can always be relied upon to fill an uncomfortable silence.
“No?” I say, biting back a smile as Leo lies down on the floor and lets Click climb all over him while he mutters affectionate nonsense to the delighted dog.
“OK, so one of the students doing animal behaviour and psychology is doing their thesis on talking birds and whether they can develop regional accents, and I’ve been providing some information on the linguistic side of things. And one of the birds she was looking at is called Gary, and…” She starts to giggle, which makes Dean’s eyes light up like it’s his favourite sound in the world. God , those two are so sickeningly adorable. “Gary has a…rather limited vocabulary… Basically, he can’t stop swearing, and the videos are so funny .” She shakes her head. “I know it’s childish, but hearing a parrot say ‘wankwaffles’ utterly ruined me!” She sighs. “It’s a pity, really, because Gary’s owner has had enough, and wants to rehome him. So in the unlikely event that you know anyone who wants a foul mouthed bird to love and cherish, hit me up.”
“I’ll take him,” I say impulsively, surprising even myself. I don’t know the first thing about caring for birds. But I haven’t had a pet in a long time, and the idea of having this unwanted misfit bird, annoying his owner enough for them to reject him and give him away, through no fault of his own because he can only say what he was taught to say… Something about it touches my heart. “I mean…I’ll definitely go and see him, maybe? See if this is something I can…” I trail off, starting to second guess myself. Can I really take care of an exotic bird? I mean, I know people do, so it’s certainly possible, but can I give him what he really needs?
“Oh! Great, sure. I’ll put you and Jess in touch, she’ll pass on your information to Gary’s owner.” Liaden smiles at me, taking my snap decision in stride.
Leo lifts his head from the floor, and the smile he gives me makes my heart skip a beat. “I’ll take you to see him, if you want. I want to meet Gary myself.”
“Oh - did you want him?”
“You called it fair and square, but I’d like to see him anyway. And I can definitely see you with a parrot on your shoulder, having him curse out everyone that pisses you off.” He grins, and Click licks his face, wanting his attention back again. “Oh, dude, have I been ignoring you? I’m sorry, boy,” he coos, ruffling his ears, and Click lets out some cute mini-woofs, his tail wagging like mad.
“It’s probably a crazy idea,” I admit.
“Nah,” he says, “you’ll learn what he needs. You’re caring and responsible enough to give him a good home and be a great bird mum, and it sounds like he really needs one. We’ll all help out if you need it. And what a cool pet to have. Different, just like you.”
I blink. This is so starkly different to what I’ve had over the past few years. Peter would have sneered, told me not to be so ridiculous, pointed out the hassle and expense, and not let up haranguing me until he’d made damn sure I let the matter drop.
Leo…there’s just no comparison. He’s all in straight away. He takes my half baked idea, and says ‘why not’, encouraging me and thinking of ways to make it happen and back me up if I need it.
Like he’s always done.
Every single time. Even down to him offering me his own body as my personal doodle pad. My canvas. Mine to…
Just mine .
From a new WhatsApp group started by Emily Gastright called THE TIME HAS COME!!!! (Members: Emily Gastright, Eli Gastright, Dean Gastright, Liaden O’Brien)
Emily Gastright: Any updates?????????????
Liaden O’Brien: Nothing of import
Emily Gastright: [10 wailing emojis]
Liaden O’Brien: He’s going to take her to look at a parrot
Emily Gastright: …
Emily Gastright: Like as a date? I mean, it’s an odd one, but I’ll take anything at this point
Dean Gastright: Nope
Liaden O’Brien: They’re just acting like awkward friends who kissed and now don’t know what to say to each other
Emily Gastright: [GIF of Dwight Shrute screaming]
Emily Gastright: I CAN’T STAND THIS MUCH LONGER
Emily Gastright: I’m about ready to bash their heads together [angry face emoji]
Eli Gastright: Give them time, Chere, it’ll happen
Emily Gastright: How much time do they need?! They’re killing me…
Dean Gastright: My money is on just a little longer
Dean Gastright: It’s not gonna take much to light the powder keg
Emily Gastright: Well, if they don’t pull their heads out of their arses soon, I’ll do it for them [angry face emoji]
Eli Gastright: Damn, my wife is feisty, y’all