Chapter 6
Knox
“And then Trace stuck his nose in my armpit, and I fell down ’cause I was laughing so hard.
” Finn giggles. His grin is a mile wide after our ride this morning.
Checking cows with me is one of his favorite things to do.
It’s mostly just us riding horses together since I have to keep track of them throughout the week, but every now and then, we’ll find one who’s slipped through the fence.
I grab out some lunch meat from the fridge and set it next to where Finn is sitting on the counter. “He was probably hoping you had another sugar cube in your pocket.”
“He already ated them all!” Finn cries out with a laugh.
I smirk at my son. I never knew I could love someone this fucking much.
The moment he was placed in my arms, my whole world tilted on its axis.
He changed everything for me. My perspective on what my life would be like flipped in an instant.
I’m more grateful for that than I could ever express.
No matter what happened after his birth, I’ll never for one second regret having my son.
I’d walk through that hell over and over again if it meant I’d get to have him at the end of it.
“Trace is spoiled rotten. He’s going to get fat from all the treats he sneaks.” I start putting together sandwiches for lunch while Finn watches.
“He’s already fat, Daddy.”
I bark out a laugh. “True.”
Finn and I sit at the table to eat our lunch. He talks nonstop about everything that comes to mind. I love listening to the thoughts in his head. They bounce from outrageous to insightful on a dime.
“The duck family isn’t there anymore. I hope they didn’t get eated by something. We should check on them later. Is Leah coming over today? You said maybe, but do we know for sure yet?”
As Finn asks the question, a text from Grayson pops up on my phone.
Grayson
We can move the bonfire to my house if you really don’t want to host.
As annoying as my three best friends can be, they’re also the people I trust the most. Grayson has always been a bit over the top—our group chat name, for example—but he loves hard.
I’ve never once questioned his intentions, though his choices leave me a little puzzled at times.
He understands people on a much deeper level than anyone I know.
His empathy knows no bounds, and sometimes I worry he’ll be taken advantage of if he isn’t careful.
Holt, Emmett, and I do our best to watch out for him, but it’s not always easy when he gets impulsive.
Case in point, he’s offering me an out if I want it.
He knows how much I struggle with being around big groups of people.
If they all come to my house, there’s no easy way for me to leave.
Though, to be fair to my friends, not a single one of them would care.
Not even Holt’s brothers would say anything about it.
They’d carefully put out the fire and leave my property looking exactly the way it was before.
Nah. It’s fine. Just let me know when you get here.
Grayson
Will do.
“Looks like everyone’s coming over tonight. The guys want to have a bonfire,” I relay to Finn.
His eyes widen. “Really? Please tell me Uncle Emmett is bringing his s’mores stuff.”
The side of my mouth quirks. Emmett became famous when he brought not only graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate, but a whole assortment of candy to add to their s’mores. “He is. It wouldn’t be a bonfire without it.”
“Yes!” Finn fist pumps. “I should go pick out my outfit. Maybe I should wear my polo tonight. Or will it be too cold?” April in the mountains is unpredictable. Layers are a necessity this time of year.
“You should be fine if you stick by the fire. Don’t forget about the smoke though. If you wear a T-shirt, it won’t smell as bad.”
Finn turns his nose up at that. “But those don’t look as nice.”
“Buddy, if Leah doesn’t like you because of the shirt you’re wearing, then I think you might have bigger problems.”
“I guess that’s true. Besides, my rainbow T-shirt is clean, and she likes that one.” He runs off upstairs to his room, presumably to get dressed. We still have several hours before everyone arrives, but that won’t matter to him.
I blow out a deep breath, my thoughts swirling in ways that drive me crazy.
I try hard to keep my mind off the shit I can’t change.
My anger sits just under the surface most of the time, no matter what I’m thinking about.
I don’t need my fucked-up memories around to make it worse, but it’s not always easy to let them go.
Moments like this, when I think about what my dad would’ve done to me if I’d worn a rainbow shirt around him, slip through the cracks before I can stop them.
I’d have ended up black-and-blue in minutes while he lectured me about how he wasn’t raising some pussy gayboy, and I needed to learn how to be a man.
Fucking asshole.
I vowed to Finn the minute he was born that he’d never know a moment of pain, emotionally or physically.
I tried so fucking hard to shield him from the vileness his mother spewed.
He was only a few months old when it was at its worst, so he doesn’t have memories of it.
It’s just been the two of us for the last six years. They’ve been the best years of my life.
Finn sticks with me throughout the afternoon while I get some random shit done around the farm.
We’re gearing up for the tourist season, which starts next month.
The cabins I built on the property are almost booked out until August at this point.
The best thing I ever did was hire someone to manage all that shit for me.
I’d originally planned to run that side of the business with Finn’s mom, but after the mess she created, I’m glad we hadn’t gotten very far on it before she left.
“Did I do it right, Daddy?” Finn asks, his brown eyes wide as he looks over his shoulder at me.
I run my hand down his downy-soft hair that’s the exact same shade as mine. “You did great, buddy.”
“Are you going to put the bigger logs in it now?”
“Yep.” I grab several from the back of my truck, stacking them in my arms and carrying them over to the firepit. Finn got the kindling set up how I would’ve done it, so all I have to do is handle the larger logs he’s too little to carry.
He decided against putting on his rainbow shirt right away, saying he didn’t want to risk getting it dirty while we piddled around the farm. Instead, he’s got on his overalls with a red T-shirt underneath.
Every now and then, I’ll grab him by the back straps of his overalls and spin him around in the air. He always laughs so hard when I do it. I can’t really help myself when he looks so damned cute in them.
Once the fire is built, we head back up to the house for dinner. I whip up a quick pasta dish for us, knowing Grayson will be arriving any minute now. Finn eats fast so he can get dressed before Leah arrives. He’s up and out of his seat before I can say anything.
“Freeze right there, mister,” I call after him. He stops with his arms in a running position. It makes me grin. “I think you might’ve left something on the table.”
He frowns over his shoulder. When he clocks his plate, he gets a sheepish look on his face. “Oops. Sorry, Daddy.” He comes back over to grab it and sets it by the sink.
I stand and grab my dishes as well. “It’s okay, buddy. I know you’re excited. Go on and get ready. I can do the dishes by myself tonight.”
“Thank you.” He rushes to my side to hug me and presses a kiss to my forearm since that’s as high as he can reach. He’s off running upstairs before I can even offer a better hug.
I shake my head, turning the water on to heat. Through the window over the sink, I can see headlights flash down the driveway. It’s not dark yet, so I know Grayson is doing his best to tell me he’s here. I’ll probably get a text any minute.
My phone dings thirty seconds later, and I don’t bother looking at it.
“Grumpy Bear! You got a cooler in the garage?” Grayson calls from the front of the house a few minutes later.
I roll my eyes at the nickname. Unfortunately, that one’s going to stick. “Yeah, and ice in the deep freeze.”
“Hell yeah. Thank you!”
“Uncle Knox!” a little voice calls out as the sound of feet pattering across the floor gives me a warning of her arrival.
“Hey, Luddy girl.” I squat down right as Grayson’s daughter, London, barrels into the room.
Her tiny body slams into mine with a force you’d never think possible for a four-year-old.
Her blonde hair has been braided into pigtails tonight with multicolored bows lining the length of both braids.
I have a feeling she couldn’t pick which one she wanted, so Gray put all of them in for her.
“Where’s Finn?” London asks.
“Upstairs getting dressed. He’ll be down in just a minute.”
“I learned all my letters.”
I widen my eyes. “You did? Very well done. You’ll have to show me sometime, yeah?”
“I’m gonna read soon. Daddy said he’d teach me.”
“I can’t wait for you to read me a story.”
London grins at me but quickly gets distracted by Finn coming downstairs.
The two of them take off together to play in the living room while I help Gray get everything loaded in his truck to take down to the firepit.
It’s not too far from the house, but it’s annoying to carry everything back and forth.
There are too many people coming to get it all down there in one trip.
By the time we’ve got the fire going and chairs set up around the edge of the fire pit, the rest of our friends arrive. Holt’s five brothers are here, along with Gray’s best friend, Kylie. I don’t know her all that well. She’s a few years younger than me and lives out in Seattle with her husband.
Gray says her husband is a douchebag, but I’ve never met him, so I’m not sure if Gray’s being judgmental or truthful. Could be both, I suppose.
Another car pulls up to our growing group, and I grit my teeth when I see who it is.
What the fuck is she doing here?