Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Knox
A feeling of contentment stole through me, and for a second, I let myself bask in it before reality returned. Contentment wasn’t something for me anymore.
My kingdom and my family were all suffering because of me. Because I chose her. I didn’t deserve any happiness.
I glanced down at where she lay against my chest, her eyes closed and her sweeping lashes curling against her cheeks. Her pale fingers contrasted beautifully against the darker hue of my skin; that was something I recalled from our time together years ago.
While her breath feathered my chest, I realized her skin wasn’t so pristine around her wrists. Purple and black bruises marred her flesh, and not just one or two, as each bruise was the perfect imprint of my fingers.
My stomach churned with sickness as I gazed at those awful marks on her. And not only did she have bruises, but she also had dozens of small red punctures where my claws bit into her flesh.
They were ugly reminders of my loss of control when it came to her. They hadn’t bled, but they’d left a stain on her beauty.
And the worst part was, I didn’t mind seeing them. If anyone else left these marks on her, I’d tear off their heads and let the beast devour them. But knowing that I’d left this mark on her, even though I hadn’t claimed her as my mate again, sated some sadistic part of me.
In a way, those bruises had darkened her a little more; she resembled my soul and black heart, far more when she wasn’t so pristine.
A possessive thrill ran through me as I studied my bruises. I’d never hit her, and I’d never do anything she didn’t allow, but she let me do this. She hadn’t stopped me; in fact, she’d reveled in my touch and kiss as her body and words demanded more.
Things hadn’t been like this between us before, but life had greatly changed us. Yet, she’d somehow retained her beautiful spirit while mine had withered like the plants in Wildwood before Briar arrived.
With my thumb, I traced one of the bruises as a sick feeling twisted in my stomach. I shouldn’t like that I’d marked her by being too rough with her.
That was something the casters would enjoy, but not me… or at least not the old me. Is this the new me? Is this how I get off now?
I was going to vomit. I’d wounded her when I claimed her as my mate, but that was natural. This was… this was something I was twisted into.
My gaze traveled to her mouth when she let out a small sigh. She was sound asleep.
Gently setting her wrist down, I traced her split, swollen lip. She shied away from my touch against her tender flesh, but she didn’t wake.
I hurt her.
This time, I didn’t feel any gratification at the realization; I experienced only disgust at myself. I’d been through a lot of shit in the harem and afterward, when I returned to discover Wildwood in ruins, but that was no excuse for this.
She hurt you too.
My tongue darted across my swollen, broken bottom lip, and my cock swelled when I recalled how she’d bitten me before tasting my blood. She’d eagerly met every punishing thrust and kissed me back with equal ferocity.
She was far weaker physically than I was, yet she hadn’t shown any alarm when the beast started emerging. With the touch of her hand and some words, she’d held the creature at bay.
And for the first time in ten years, I got to experience the pleasures of the flesh. I was also the one who damaged her… not the beast.
Self-hatred warred with pride in a tidal wave that hammered against me. I shouldn’t have brought her to Wildwood. But if I hadn’t, the plants would still be far sicker than they were now, and I wouldn’t know the truth of her.
I should have anticipated that Briar would affect me as much as she did. Even if I denied her, she was my mate, but I truly expected to continue despising her. If I’d been able to do that, then I wouldn’t give a shit about these bruises.
Not hating her was causing more chaos and confusion than loathing her did.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the beams running across the ceiling. I had to get out of this cabin so I could hunt, kill, and unleash the beast sulking within me. It couldn’t have fun with her, but it could play in the woods.
Yet, I couldn’t leave her alone. My claws dug into the blankets, shredding them further before I released them. I rolled back to Briar and carefully extricated my arm from beneath her.
I couldn’t hunt in the woods while she remained here, but I couldn’t stay either. Despite hating what I’d done, I wanted to do it again, and again, and again. I wanted to climb on top and wake her up by slipping between her thighs and fucking her until she screamed her throat raw.
I will not be like the other casters. I will not let them make me into one of them.
Red stained the mattress beneath her head from where my blood and hers had mingled together. Rising, I stepped back to survey the damage we’d… mostly me… had unleashed.
Feathers covered the bed from the torn-open mattress and downy blanket. Blood stained the white comforter from our busted lips, and more bruises marked Briar’s thighs.
She hadn’t tried to stop my roughness with her, but I hadn’t sustained anywhere near the damage she had.
In the harem, I always emerged to find myself covered in bruises and often bloody before the beatings began.
The casters were careful to avoid the beast’s mouth, but they invaded the other hole in its body.
Briar wasn’t in nearly as bad of shape as I was then, but I’d still done things to her that I never should have. She looked far more like I did upon waking in the harem than she did when we were in the tunnels together.
I did this to her. I marked her as the casters marked me. And I liked it… like they did.
The realization sent me reeling. Emotions cascaded and bounced around my chest so fiercely that I couldn’t breathe as I staggered back before catching myself.
I had to get away from her, this place, and myself. I couldn’t think right now. I didn’t want to think; I only wanted to feel… and what I wanted to feel most was her.
If I stayed here, the beast might take control, and I’d never stop it from crawling onto the bed and taking what it desired, especially since the mingled scents of our sex and blood filled the air. The animal within me craved more, and so did the man.
When Briar shifted a little, she revealed one of her breasts; bruises and red marks also marred it. She murmured something before curling into a ball and shivering.
I glanced toward the windows and the pounding rain before striding back over to her. Since she was sleeping on it, I grasped the bottom of the ruined blanket and pulled it over her, then folded the sides in until she was nestled in the comforter.
I didn’t look back as I left the cabin and plunged into the storm.