Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Briar
I tried to ignore the pull of waking by burrowing further under the blanket, but my eyes fluttered open before I closed them again. It was probably morning, but I wasn’t going to poke my head out to check.
Why am I so sore?
As the question flitted across my mind, memories of last night battered my brain. I bit back a whimper at what I’d done, what he’d done… what we’d done.
Unwilling to move and hoping to pretend sleep, I remained in the fetal position while I assessed my aching muscles.
Every part of me was sore, but especially between my legs.
I felt like I did after our first time together, but it had been a decade, and Knox was bigger.
It would take time to adjust to him again.
What? NO! NO adjusting. No doing this again!
Oh, that little inner voice was right; this shouldn’t happen again, but even with the soreness, I ached for more. I’d never get enough of him.
Which is why this can’t happen again! You have to get out of this kingdom!
That was also very true, but I didn’t like it. Unable to stay completely still, I shifted a little; sharp points jabbed me when I did.
What is that?
To answer my question, I’d have to move, but I wasn’t ready to face the day and Knox. However, I couldn’t hide here forever; he’d realize I was awake and being a coward about facing him.
I refused to be a coward.
Gritting my teeth, I resolved to face him as I pushed the blanket off my head and sat up.
I’d fallen asleep in the middle of the bed, away from the pillows and amid the torn mattress, sheets, and comforter.
The annoying things poking me were the small quills of the feathers scattered across the bed.
I surveyed the wreckage with a heavy heart. The cabin was in pristine condition when we entered, and the bed was a scattered mess around me. Not only that, but blood stained the blanket and mattress.
I surveyed the room, expecting to discover Knox in one of the chairs or at a window. I didn’t see him anywhere.
The bathroom door was open, and while I couldn’t see into the shadowed interior, I knew he wasn’t there. I didn’t have to get up to see more of the kitchen and pantry either; he was gone.
I didn’t know when he left, but the cold feeling enveloping the cabin made me suspect it was hours ago. The ache in my body was nothing compared to the hand that tore into my chest and squeezed my heart.
I hadn’t been foolish enough to think last night would change things between us, but I hadn’t… hadn’t…
What? I asked myself. Hadn’t expected to be abandoned the next day?
He wouldn’t abandon me; he’d be too afraid I’d take off if he did.
Maybe he just wanted to get away from you.
I’m the one who wants to get away from him.
Or maybe he’s taking care of Magnazius.
That was a possibility, but I knew it wasn’t right. He’d been gone for a while. The bed where he’d been was cold, and the empty feeling of the cabin wasn’t new.
I didn’t miss that I was sitting there, amid the wreckage of us, arguing with myself, but I really didn’t know what else to do.
Get up, clean this mess, and get out of here. You don’t need him.
I didn’t need him, but I wanted him. I hated that truth.
Move!
I threw the blanket aside, clambered out of bed, and strode over to one of the windows. The sky was back to its usual flat gray color, and the rain had stopped. Puddles pooled on the grass and roadway, and rain still beaded on the railing and porch chairs.
Nothing stirred, but I’d already known I wouldn’t find Knox there. Hugging myself, I tried to ignore the grief welling within me. It made me forget about my sore body.
Did you expect to wake up nestled in his arms, all warm and happy? Did you expect to discover Seth had somehow miraculously returned?
Did you think you have a magic pussy that would restore everything to the way it was?
I scowled at that question. I didn’t think I had anything magic between my legs or that a miracle would somehow occur, but I hadn’t expected to wake up alone.
He was out there, somewhere; I was certain of it. He’d make sure I didn’t try to escape, but he didn’t want to be anywhere near me.
I knew he’d hate himself and me if we had sex again, and I was right.
Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to shed them. I would not cry over this. I would not shed another tear over Knox-fucking-North.
Turning away from the window, I stalked into the bathroom where I scrubbed myself raw in the shower. As I worked, a festering resentment built within me at the asshole who was keeping me here.
When I finished, I climbed out of the tub and studied my reflection in the mirror. I’d seen the bruises on my arms, breasts, and hips while in the shower, but I should have anticipated the bruises and red marks on my throat. Instead, the clear imprint of Knox’s fingers and claws surprised me.
Last night had been so different than anything I’d experienced with him before, yet I couldn’t deny I’d liked it. I’d been thrilled in the way he dominated my body, took possession of me, and consumed all doubts.
While things with Seth had always been amazing, this was different. This was a man on the verge of unraveling and a woman who could help him maintain his restraint—a woman who could give him what he needed without fear.
I’d relished the mingling of pain and pleasure. Somehow, it made me feel more alive and more connected to the broken parts of him.
I was more than a little crazy to have enjoyed the fact he’d left me bruised and sore in ways I’d never been before, but every mark on me was one he left. While I hated this morning, I’d allowed myself to love him for a little bit last night.
For a little while, I let myself believe there might be hope for us. That was gone.
I fisted my hand but restrained myself from driving it into the mirror. I’d prefer not to look at myself, but I couldn’t look away.
With trembling fingers, I traced my swollen bottom lip. A red mark still revealed where it had been split open and bled, but the cut had healed. My fingers fell to the bruises on my neck. While there was some discomfort when he’d squeezed, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
I’d felt his unraveling and desperation to retain control of the beast as he asserted his dominance. He had to be the one in control, and I was more than happy to relinquish it to him.
But what would have happened if he had lost control?
That doesn’t matter because he didn’t, and I’m never putting myself in this situation again.
After drying off, I put on my still-wet clothes from yesterday’s rain.
The material clung annoyingly to me and iced my skin, but I couldn’t bring myself to take anything else from the shifters who once resided here.
At least my shirt hid most of the bruises, though a couple on my throat remained visible.
When I left the bathroom, Knox hadn’t returned, but Gizzi sat on one of the chairs. His puffy hair had calmed a lot since yesterday, though tufts still stuck up on the top of his head and back.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
His nose twitched, and I could feel his desire to say more, but he didn’t.
While Gizzi watched, I cleaned the cabin the best I could.
There was no salvaging the comforter, and if the owners of this place ever returned, they’d need a new mattress.
However, at least they wouldn’t discover the blood as I tossed the blanket onto the still-smoldering logs.
When it caught fire, flames burst outward, flinging feathers around the room; some of those feathers were on fire. Thick, black smoke coiled up the chimney as I stomped on the burning feathers before removing a broom from the linen closet and sweeping them into a dustpan.
Once I finished, I removed the ruined sheets from the bed and tossed them onto the dwindling flames. The warmth of the cabin intensified as I burned everything we’d ruined, but no matter how much I tried to eradicate the evidence of last night, the memories lingered.
While I worked, the soreness in my muscles and between my legs eased, but every twinge was a reminder that I’d been weak enough to give myself to him. I’d managed to withstand the overwhelming lust of my Needing, but I couldn’t refuse that asshole even though I’d known it was a big mistake.
When I finished cleaning, I gathered the ruined clothes and added them to the fire too. I felt bad burning the woman’s things, but it felt worse to leave the destroyed garments on their ruined bed.
I stood by the flames as they burned down to smoldering coals again. Satisfied that the remaining fire wouldn’t burn down the cabin, and unable to tolerate the stifling heat anymore, I opened the front door and stepped onto the porch.
Gizzi’s claws scraped the wood as he scampered after me. While I was burning things, Knox had saddled and bridled Magnazius before tying him to a nearby hitching post.