Chapter 28 #2
“It does here,” he said. “It only rings when someone casts a coin into the temple well in The Grey and declares Lucius as their eternal home.”
I realised what that meant. It was the one thing that I'd never done. It’s why Nik gave me that coin, hoping I’d choose.
Nik squeezed my hand again. “You get used to it.”
The cheering faded as naturally as it had begun. The city resumed its rhythm. Footsteps. Laughter. Life.
But my pulse didn’t slow. Quickly, I pulled away, but not before I offered Nik a small, awkward smile.
We approached a row of street stalls; the one closest to me was covered with sweet treats and fresh baked goods.
A woman wearing an apron lifted her eyes and beamed when she saw us coming.
Without hesitation, she picked up a wooden tray of tiny square-shaped cakes with lilac drizzle and lavender petals on top.
My brow pinched when she offered one to me. “I don’t have any coins.”
The woman’s grin grew wider, her light brown hair shimmering as she shook her head from side to side. “It’s not for sale, just a taste. I love to offer samples to folk before they buy.”
Giving out food for free? The idea was preposterous. Never in my twenty-four years had I ever seen someone do this. I was so perplexed I didn’t even know how to reply.
Nik stepped in and took two samples, grinning at the woman. “I won’t say no. Thank you.”
She smiled and moved to serve a Lightner.
Nik grinned down at me and offered one of the cakes.
I wanted to say no, wanted to dig my feet deep and not give in to all this kindness, but the lilac drizzle slid down the side of the cake, its sweetness beckoning me.
My mouth watered and before I could stop myself, I reached for it.
The moment it touched my lips, my mind fractured. It tasted like a gentle hug from a loved one. Something I’d not experienced since . . . Meeka.
“Do you like it?” Nik gestured with a sticky finger dotted with cake crumbs.
I searched his eyes, and then nodded before turning my attention back to the streets of Lucius.
Each step we took deepened the ache in my chest. It was a solid lump that grew with every second. A lump of darkness that longed to be free. I could feel it clawing at my ribcage, ready to spill the moment I allowed it.
But like most things, I shoved it away and squared my shoulders, holding my head a little higher.
We passed by a flower stall and my feet stopped, legs refusing to carry me any further. Instinctively I reached out to brush my fingers over the petals of pale pink tulips, which sat next to a wooden bucket brimming with apricot-coloured balls of fluff that look like bunny tails.
A woman with a cropped haircut, a bright smile, and even brighter blue eyes, beamed at me, flicking her gaze to Nik. I was very aware of how close he stood beside me, no doubt rolling his eyes at the way I was mesmerised by all the pretty flowers.
Men never cared for such things.
I offered the woman a small smile and started to walk away.
“Wait!” she called after me. “Before you go.”
That lump inside my chest grew bigger as she reached over the counter and handed Nik a tulip. Then she gestured with her head towards me.
He slowly looked up from the flower, and handed it to me.
I felt the blood drain from my face, taking with it any warmth—and perhaps any shade—that made me look alive.
Nik was holding out a flower to me.
A pink tulip . . . a soft and pretty thing. A symbol of innocence, beauty, gentleness, purity. All the things I had been told I didn’t have. A promise I couldn’t trust because flowers wilt . . . they die. Like all promises do.
His emerald eyes searched mine, the flower hovering between us louder than the thoughts clawing at my mind for purchase.
What am I supposed to owe you for this, Nik? Am I supposed to feel something? Do something?
A glimmer of something light ignited in my chest, sparking into flame as it raced through my veins.
Don’t hope. Don’t hope. Don’t hope.
So why did I reach for it?
“Thank you,” I managed to whisper.
He offered me that boyish grin that added, always, to the fire in my stomach. I didn’t know how to form words.
Just as we stepped back onto the bustling street, a little boy no higher than my hip darted past, colliding with my legs. With a small cry, I reached for him, grasping his arms before he clattered to the ground.
“Are you alright?” I asked him.
He grinned up at me with a face full of freckles, eyes the colour of amber. “You look like a star.”
I almost dropped him, his words hitting me like a punch to the gut. “W—what?”
He righted himself, dusting off his hands, before pointing to my hair. “The way the sun plays with your hair makes you look like a shining star.”
Nik chuckled at the boy's words, ruffling his hair affectionately. “I couldn’t agree more.”
My gaze snapped to Nik’s. I couldn’t breathe. Not properly.
Cake.
A flower.
A little boy calling me a star.
Nik’s gentle gaze sweeping over my face.
Stop.
Please stop looking at me like that.
Like I’m someone worth handing good things to.
Like I’m someone worth choosing.
The flower in my hand felt too soft. Too clean. Too good. And Nik had held it out to me like it was meant for me—like I was meant for it—and this, undoubtedly, was the cruellest kindness of all.
I didn’t deserve this.
Any of this.
The people here didn’t know me. Didn’t know what I’d done to survive. Didn’t know the versions of me that existed before this dress and these borrowed shoes.
That dark lump slid up my throat. Seeped into my mouth. Welled in my eyes, and strangled my mind. It whispered, screamed, echoed and remained silent all at once. I choked back the sob that wanted to spill onto the golden streets.
Why was everything here free? Why did no one want anything back? What was I supposed to do with a world that didn’t demand a price?
The boy laughed as he ran off, light as wind, untouched by darkness. He hadn’t flinched when he bumped me. He hadn’t looked afraid. He hadn’t recoiled like I carried something contagious.
He saw blue hair and starlight.
Nik took a small step towards me. “Are you alright?”
My body trembled, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. “Y-yes.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re not.”
I wasn’t built for this. This place. These people. This goodness. It scraped against every part of me like trying to fit a broken thing into a perfect space.
Something hot climbed up my throat—shame, or rage, or grief, I couldn’t tell. It felt like all three. It felt like too much.
If one more person smiled at me, I was going to scream. If Nik looked at me with those patient eyes again, I was going to fall apart right here in the street.
I needed air. Space. Something real. Something that didn’t feel like being wrapped in silk I hadn’t earned.
I needed out.
“Sapphire, look at me.” Nik’s warm voice travelled over me, forcing my eyes up off the ground.
He didn’t touch me, just stepped close enough that I felt protected. His wings and frame blocked out the sun. A shelter while I stood in my own self-contained storm.
“I want to show you something.” He held out his hand. “Do you trust me?”
How could I? The word alone scraped against old wounds. Trust was how Lily died. Trust was how I died. Trust was how I learnt that a smile could be a trap and a gentle voice could mean danger.
My chest tightened while Nik waited patiently for me to answer. Part of me wanted to step towards him. Wanted to believe that someone like him could be real. Could be safe.
So when I opened my mouth, the truth that came out wasn’t soft. It wasn’t brave. It was the closest I could get without falling apart. “I don’t know how.”
Nik didn’t get angry or lash out. He took my hand, and tugged it lightly. “Just take one step with me, and I can show you.”
I nodded, tears blurring the edges of my vision. He didn’t wait for me to change my mind. He spun on his heel and wove us through the streets towards the outer edges of the city.
Lucius thinned out around us, the houses giving way to rolling hills and quiet. The path dipped, then opened, and suddenly—
I stopped.
A field stretched out before us, wide enough to swallow the horizon.
Wildflowers rippled in the wind like a living ocean, every colour I didn't have a name for. Soft golds, deep violets, pale pinks, whites bright as bone. The air smelled clean, untouched—nothing like The Grey’s damp stone and smoke, or Oscuro’s putrid stench.
Gently, Nik led us to the middle of the field and let go of my hand.
The wind danced around me, carrying the soft scent of flowers across my skin.
My chest tightened again, but it was different this time.
Like that darkness inside me had been starved of light for too long and didn’t know what to do with abundance.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, glancing at Nik.
He gestured to the open space. “Let it out.”