Chapter 4 Tatiyonna
FOUR
TATIYONNA
It was four in the morning and I couldn’t sleep.
The empty side of the bed for three weeks now was dragging me down.
Although I got rid of his stuff, his LV cologne still lingered in our room.
I was still ignoring every call, every bouquet of roses, and every text.
He was making it so hard to move on with him, constantly contacting me.
I grabbed my phone and decided to scroll on social media until I was able to go back to sleep.
Before I could open my phone, I saw several notifications from Kileen.
Kil: Baby, can you please talk to me? It’s been three weeks. This is the longest I’ve been away from you. I can’t even focus on work.
I started texting him back, but put the phone down, pulled the cover over my head, and cried myself to sleep. By the time I dragged myself out of bed, it was almost one in the afternoon, and my daddy was blowing my phone up.
“Baby girl, what the hell do you got going on? I’ve been calling you since eight this morning. I called Kileen to wake you up, but he said he wasn’t home. Do I need to come over there?”
“No! I’m up.” I threw the cover off me.
I had avoided him long enough, and I didn’t want him popping up over here and noticing Kileen was gone. My dad was a retired detective and would be able to pick me apart. I had promised to have breakfast with him and forgot.
“Can we have dinner instead? I was up all night working and forgot to set my alarm.”
“Six sharp, Tat. You know I don’t like tardiness.”
“I promise, dad.”
After hanging up with him, I got up, showered, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. Before I could make my cup of iced coffee, my doorbell was ringing. Kileen was standing there looking like a sick puppy in the face.
“What is it?”
“You won’t talk to me, so I needed to see that you were okay. Your dad called, and it worried me.”
“I’m good.”
“You sure? Your eyes are puffy.” He reached to touch me, but I slapped his hand away.
“Tati, I haven’t been back over there. I made arrangements with her to pay her child support, and we have to meet in a public place to get my baby.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“I’m trying to show you that I’m trying to fix this. I want to come home.”
“You can’t come home, Kil. You have a family and I’m not in the mood to be anyone’s step mama.”
What I said hit him hard because he hung his head. I hoped he didn’t think I was going to be a stepmom to a kid that was made during our marriage. Now if he came in the marriage with the baby, then cool.
“My bad for even taking you through this shit, man. It was just… we were so busy and things were getting vanilla between us-”
“Step back.” I waved my hand at him.
“Wait…”
I slammed the door in his face. A non-communicating ass man was not something I needed in my life.
If things were getting vanilla, why not tell me?
No, he decided to take that time and stick his dick somewhere else.
Then come home and look me in my face and tell me he loved me, knowing he was getting bored with me.
I was starting to really become disgusted with men.
I sat across the table from my daddy. We would usually meet up weekly to eat and catch up. Unfortunately, my situation made me avoid him for weeks. I made sure to wear my ring and act as normal as possible. That didn’t stop him from staring me up and down.
“You need to get some sleep. The bags under your eyes make you look older. Now, if I had known the career was going to have you skipping out on me, I would’ve told you to stay at a nine-to-five.”
“No, I took on a few new clients, and it’s been crazy trying to get the schedule together. Wesley and I have been doing the best we can.”
“Do you need more help? We can do a hiring event.”
“No,” I held my hand up. “We’re good. We got it together. I’ll be back on schedule for our dates next week.”
“How is Kileen?” he eyed me.
“He’s fine. Working.” I stared at my menu.
“Look at me, baby girl,” my dad demanded.
“What is it?” I avoided his eye contact.
“Look at me.”
Slowly, I removed my eyes from my menu and connected with his. “Yes?”
“How is Kileen?”
I could never lie to his ass. He had probably already done his detective work before he came to dinner. Picking up my glass, I took a sip of my water and placed it back down.
“We’re separated right now.”
“Yeah, I’m aware of that already. Why is what I want to know.”
I was too embarrassed to tell my daddy why. If he had a clue that Kileen had another family, he would pull up on him on some man-to-man shit.
“I’ll sit here all night.”
“He cheated.” I kept it short.
He nodded, “I’m glad I raised you right. Always leave the first time. As a man, if you allow us to do a thing, we’ll continue to do it. As your father, I want you to divorce his ass, but I also know how love works. Either way, baby girl, I’m here to support you.”
“Thank you, dad.”
We ordered and enjoyed each other’s company. This was just what I needed. Being with my daddy gave me the comfort I needed. When it was over, I was headed right back to my boring house. Or so I thought. Casi was pulling up right behind me. She refused to let me sulk.
“Yes, bitch! We are not doing this tonight. We’re about to drink and find this heifer’s social media page so we can dissect this hoes pictures,” Casi said as she got out of the car with bags.
“I’m not worried about that girl. I need a drink, though.”
While I got out of my clothes, Casi grabbed us some glasses and turned some music on. When I got back in the living room, Casi had two glass plates and black markers.
“What is this?”
“I saw some girls doing this on TikTok. We’re going to write all the things we’re letting go on this plate, and then, we’ll go outside and break the plates.”
“And who is about to clean the glass up after we are done?”
“Tati, please don’t be a party pooper. I’ll clean it up. Now sit your ass down and get to writing.”
I took a deep breath and picked up the marker to start writing.
There was so much that I had to let go that before I knew it, my plate was full and so was Casi’s.
Being her best friend, I thought she had her shit together.
I mean, she was single, lived in her own place.
No kids and a good career. She had me fooled.
Casi reached over and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Come on, so we can go and break these plates.”
“Hold on,” I stopped her. “You know how you always tell me that I don’t have to be strong all the time. The same goes for you because from the looks of it, you’ve been hiding something from me.”
“Girl, we both have men problems. I’m just not married to mine. I would love to be, but the long-distance thing isn’t for me. I need all the attention and he’s focused on his career. I completely understand because that used to be me.”
“Is it the same guy you were dating from Chicago? The one I met when I popped up at your place.”
“Yep,” she picked up her wine glass. “Turns out, he doesn’t want to commit but wants to fuck whenever he touches down. I’m getting too old for that.”
“Yep, let’s break these damn plates so we can move on with our lives.”
On the count of three, we both lifted the plates and smashed them on my back patio.
It was crazy, but I hadn’t stepped foot out here since I put Kileen out.
This was one of my favorite places to sit and clear my head after work.
The view of the city always gave me peace.
Casi grabbed me and gave me a tight squeeze as the doorbell chimed.
“Now who could be fucking up our vulnerable moment because we don’t do this often?” I said.
“Go grab the door and I’ll get the broom so I can get this up,” Casi told me.
I tiptoed to see who was at the door and got an attitude when I saw Kileen on the other side.
With Casi being here, I knew this was not going to go good for him.
My friend was the type of girl that once you do me wrong, ain’t no coming back from that.
That’s why I didn’t get her mixed up in some of my stuff because she would hate you forever.
“What are you not getting?” I stepped outside the door and closed it to give us some privacy.
“Tati, I’m begging you. I can’t live without you. I’m sick without you.”
“Now is not a good time to do this. I have company.”
“Casi is not company. She’s family. Just like you and me.”
“Kil, can we just talk tomorrow? You constantly bombarding me and showing up all the time is not helping me. I’m trying to clear my head and make the right decision for me.”
“Us is all you need to be focused on.”
I crossed my arms and leaned my head to the side. “Did you focus on us? See, this is why I said let’s talk tomorrow, because every time your ass shows up, you say the wrong thing. Good night.” I walked back in the house and closed the door without saying anything else to him.
The next day, I sat across from Kileen as he turned his phone off and gave me his full attention. I decided to meet him in a public place instead of the home we once shared.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
“I know.” I picked up the menu.
He didn’t have to tell me that. I told myself that every damn day. If he thought I was going to feel like less of a woman because he couldn’t control his desires, he had me fucked up.
“I really appreciate you for meeting me and letting me explain myself. I hope by the time lunch is over, you’ll see my side, and we can move from here.”
“I came to hear what you had to say so you can stop coming by my house unannounced.”
“I met Siya on one of my job sites. She was there dropping off lunch with UberEATS.”
Just fucking great.
“She reminded me of you and I sparked a conversation. It was like I felt like the teenage me again when we met in college. We exchanged numbers and it went from there.”
He was leaving out a lot of damn details. How did she afford the house she lived in with UberEATS money? The car she drove was brand new.
“You’re skipping things, aren’t you?” I peeked one eye from behind my menu.
“No, that’s how it went. What else do you want to know?”
“How long? Whose house is that? Whose car is that? Why the fuck does her house look like mine? Why does she wear her hair like mine? It’s a lot. You want me to keep going?”
He cleared his throat, “The house…the house was a gift for her having the baby.”
“And the car?”
“I just helped her with the payments. She got that on her own.”
“You know what, I thought I was ready to talk to you. But this is a lot and I can’t do it right now.
You literally had a whole baby on me and laid your ass next to me every night.
The same thing I’ve been struggling to do for years.
I want you to royally go fuck yourself and leave me the fuck alone. ”
When I walked out of that restaurant, I knew that I was filing for a divorce.