Chapter 5
Nessa
“No letter today either?” Nyla questioned before her bottom lip started quivering.
“No, baby, I’m sorry,” I apologized as I pulled her in for a hug. “How ‘bout we dry your face and enjoy the park. There isn’t anyone really here today, and it feels like something exciting is going to happen.”
“Really, Mommy?”
“Yep, really! You wanna go to the swings first?”
“Yes, please.”
She ran full speed over towards the swing as I followed behind.
The pain she felt from not getting a letter from her dad made me feel like shit but knowing that she was about to be reunited with him overpowered it.
My emotions were all over the place with it being the day of Nyla meeting Nas for the first time.
I wished I could put it off for a few days to get myself together emotionally, but that would be so selfish because they had waited four years for this.
It wasn’t easy keeping this from Nas and when I first gave birth to her, I almost told Mama Eva to tell him about her.
The hurt and anger I felt from him ending things without a reason was the main push behind me sticking to my word.
At this time, I felt so alone but I was blessed with a child I wanted to protect from all the pain I was feeling.
It truly was me and her against the world, and I was forever thankful for Nyla.
Because that was a time when depression should’ve taken over my life, but I was giving another reason to go hard.
Every day since her birth I did my best to always keep a smile on her face no matter what kind of day it was.
As I pushed her on the swings, I noticed a black SUV pulled up.
My chest felt tight and got tighter as Nas emerged from the vehicle.
Luckily, Nyla was facing away from where he parked, so she couldn’t see him.
She knew exactly how he looked because I showed her pictures of him and he still looked the same.
The only thing that changed was that he sported waves now and he put on some muscles while away.
As he walked over to us, my mind wandered to the way he satisfied my body like only he could.
I swallowed hard once he was in arm’s reach.
He gestured for me to move over so he could push her.
We hadn’t discussed how we were going to do their reuniting because I wanted it to be organic.
Also, because I could barely think straight when I talked to or was near him.
This man took this shit to heart because he came dressed in an Army uniform.
His last name rested on the front of the uniform, and it fit him like a glove.
That’s one thing I always loved about Nas; he never half stepped when he really put his mind to something.
“Mommy, why did you stop pushin’ me?” She questioned me when I stepped in her view.
“Because I wanted to push you, if that’s alright?” Nas inquired as I did my best to hold back the tears.
Nyla quickly snapped her head around to see who was talking.
She had a huge smile on her face when she hopped off the swing and ran to him.
He swooped her up and bear hugged her as the tears rolled down his cheeks.
At that moment, I grabbed my phone and snapped a quick picture of them.
The moment was so perfect and at this point everybody was crying.
“Daddy, is it really you?” She finally spoke as her head rested on his chest.
“Yes, Baby Girl, it’s really me,” he proudly answered. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you.”
“It’s ok, Daddy. You were keepin’ me safe from bad guys, but I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too. I’ve missed you more than you know.”
“Did you miss Mommy?”
“Yeah, I missed her too, but I don’t think she missed me.”
“She said she did when I asked her. Didn’t you, Mommy?”
“Yes, Nyla I did. Mommy’s goin’ to go sit at the table while you have fun with your dad,” I shook my head before walking away.
With Nyla putting me on front street like that I couldn’t even look at Nas.
I just made my way over towards the table.
Watching them play with each other warmed my heart because Nyla looked so happy.
I checked Yas’ location before texting her about what was going on.
With her being at work, she wouldn’t see it until she got off this evening.
She worked for a prison, and cell phones weren’t allowed plus I don’t know how I’d be able to answer her questions.
Nas and Nyla played for over an hour before they started heading towards me.
“Mommy, Mommy, guess what!” Nyla beamed as she ran towards me.
“Yes, baby?” I answered while she gave me a big bear hug.
“Daddy said he’ll take me for ice cream if you ok with it. Can we get ice cream, plllleeeaasseee?”
“Um, sure. It’s, uh, it’s ok with me.” I stumbled over my words as Nas joined us.
“Nyla, sweetie, can you go play on the swings while I talk to Mommy for a second?” Nas asked Nyla while staring at me.
“Sure, Daddy!” she agreed before running off.
“Nessa, Nessa, Nessa,” Nas singingly expressed before taking a seat on top of a table next to me.
“What, Nasir?” I rolled my eyes as I scooched away from him. “I already greenlighted the ice cream, what more do you want?”
“You.”
“I gotta man.”
“What that man gotta do with me? Matter of fact, where was that man when you was throwin’ that ass back on this dick?”
“That was a true moment of weakness, and I’ll tell him about it soon.”
“You don’t need to tell him shit. All you need to do is drop him like a bad habit. I told you, Daddy’s home.”
“Yeah, see, hell no. Since you know where I live how ‘bout you drop Nyla off after y’all ice cream date.”
“Wait, you gonna let me just take her?”
“Nas, she is your daughter. Who else would protect her like I would, if not you? Exactly. Like I said drop her off once y’all are done, I’m goin’ to update her.”
“We still need to talk.”
“Nawl, we don’t. You need to spend time with your daughter. Remember you got four years to catch up on.”
Before he could say anything else, I got off the table and made my way towards Nyla.
The guilt of fucking Nas hit me like a ton of bricks because Desmond didn’t deserve that.
Regardless of it being a moment of weakness, I still violated my relationship with him.
I was still wrestling with how to confess for my sin.
No matter how good it felt that still didn’t excuse the act.
After I informed Nyla that her and her dad were going for ice cream, I got into my car and headed home.
Being around Nas still had me all over the place emotionally.
When I wanted to lash out on the way he dumped me, I’d look at him and see Nyla.
She truly was her dad’s twin, and I’d fumble over unleashing the anger I had built up.
When I made it home, I went right into the kitchen and fixed me a glass of wine.
As I sipped my wine, I scrolled on Facebook until a call from my mom came through.
“Yes, ma?” I inquired once I answered the phone.
“Damn, why you sound aggravated?” She countered.
“Did you call for a reason or to further aggravate me?”
“Well then I’ll just leave it alone.”
“Thank you. Now again is there a reason for your call?”
“I was callin’ to check on you and Nyla.”
“We doin’ good. How are you doin’?”
“I can’t complain. I’m still sober and I’m thankful for that. When will Nyla and Chanel be back over to see me?”
“I really don’t know. I’ll reach out to you when I figure something out and see if that date works for you. That’s fine?”
“Yeah, that works. I’ll be free regardless to spend time with my grandbabies. Nessa?”
“Yes, ma?”
“Whatever is aggravatin’ you just let it go because it’s not worth your peace.”
“I know, Ma, I know. I’ll call you later.”
“Ok, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
After I hung up the phone, my mind shifted from my anger towards Nas to my relationship with my mother.
After she kicked me out before I found out I was pregnant, I hated her with a passion.
It wasn’t until she ended up in the hospital for days due to alcohol poisoning.
With her life being up in the air it terrified the fuck out of me.
I never left her side other than to throw up and grab food.
Once she was better, I brought her to my apartment.
I was skeptical that she’d go back into her old ways, but when she saw Nyla, something changed her. That was two almost three years ago.
If it wasn’t for Mama Eva in my ear on some honor thy mother and father, I would’ve never gone to the hospital.
The way she did me had me ready to hold a grudge until I was dead and gone.
Our relationship still isn’t perfect, but it’s been a work in progress.
A progress that takes a lot of time and patience because I be wanting to turn her ass every way but loose when I think about the past. As for the present, she’s been keeping her word when it comes to Nyla.
That was her only saving grace when it came to me and her.
Loud banging at the door caused me to jump up from the couch.
I didn’t know what time it was, but the sun had set.
Getting off the couch, I made my way to the door before checking the peephole.
When I saw Nas standing there with Nyla, I immediately opened the door.
Nyla jumped from his hands into mine before I walked her into the house.
Once I had her settled into her room, I made my way back into the living room.
“Y’all must have done more than just get ice cream,” I suspected as I noticed Nas standing by my door.
“It’s a time limit on me spendin’ time with my child?” He countered before getting comfortable on my couch.
“I didn’t say that I just asked a question.”
“I think I should be the one askin’ questions.”
“And what questions should you be askin’?”
“When you was gonna tell me you movin’ that nigga in here with my child? And do you even really know that nigga?”
“That’s none of your business. It’s my relationship and I can do as I please.”
“That’s where you got me fucked up. If a nigga gonna be around my child in close proximity like that it becomes my business. Matter of fact, I need to meet that nigga,” he commanded as he stood to his feet. “Make that shit like tomorrow, Nessa.”
“Nas!”
“Nas my fuckin’ ass! You heard what I said, and I’ll be over here tomorrow around eight to have dinner. You remember my favorite, right? Make it happen, Baby Mama.”
I slammed the door behind him out of pure frustration.
His reasoning for wanting to meet Desmond were completely understandable but them being around each other had me stressed the fuck out.
I had asked Nyla how she’d feel if he moved in not thinking she’d tell her dad.
Hell, I didn’t think her dad would be out or I wouldn’t have even offered that to Desmond.
Nas has always been protective and with him having a child he’s never been there for had him in full protective dad mode.
“Hello,” I huffed into my phone as I plopped down on the couch.
“Damn, what’s eatin’ at you?” Yas wondered.
“Girl, it’s been a long fuckin’ day.”
“Tell me about, literally. Actually, start from the beginning of Nas getting out and you just tellin’ me this through a damn text message. Ya know what, don’t even worry ‘bout it, I’m on the way. We gotta discuss this shit face-to-face.”
“Ok.”
Almost thirty minutes later I opened the door to let Yas in.
The hug she gave me relieved so much stress I’d been feeling.
I needed her here more than she wanted to come pop up to get the rundown.
While I went to go check on Nyla, she went to warm up some leftovers I’d cooked last night.
When I walked into Nyla’s room, she was fast asleep.
“Alright, I’m ready. Lay it on me,” Yas instructed with a mouth full of food.
“Giiiiirrrrrrrllllll,” I dragged as I popped my lips together. “I don’t even know where to damn begin.”
“Start with when the fuck did Nas get out?”
“Like a few days ago. I’m not sure of his exact release so I can’t tell you that for sure.”
“Your text said he was spendin’ time with Nyla, but my question is: did y’all spend time together?”
“He came over on my off day.”
“And…”
“We fucked,” I mumbled but she heard me loud and clear and it caused her to choke on her food.
“How the fuck did it get to that?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I was completely thrown off when he popped up over here, but we were just supposed to talk. Then my feelings got in the way, and we did a little more than talk.”
“A lot more, I’m sure. That man been in prison for five years I’m sure he released all that backup on yo’ ass.”
“Took my ass all up and through there, sis!” I agreed before we slapped hands while stickin’ our tongues out.
“Wait a minute bitch. You still fuckin’ with Desmond, ain’t it?”
“Yesssss. I feel so fuckin’ bad man.”
“Does Nas know ‘bout Desmond?”
“Not only does he know ‘bout him but he wants to meet him because he’s supposed to be movin’ in with me and Nyla.”
“Movin’ in?! Ooh, you been doin’ all kind of shit behind my back! Movin’ niggas in with ya, fuckin’ on baby daddies, and sendin’ text messages to give updates. Ion like that for me.”
“Hell, I don’t like this for me. He wanna meet him tomorrow with me there and I gotta cook his favorite food. Yas what I’m supposed to do?”
“Cook that man his favorite food and pray it’s good enough for him not to fuck Desmond ass up. You know Nas don’t play when it comes to you.”
“This shit is too much.”
“Damn sure is. I’m glad this happenin’ to you and not me ‘cause baby this givin’ some book shit like I be readin’ while at work.”
“But it’s really my fuckin’ life doee.”