Chapter 15 Vee
We exit the cab at Vee’s building and climb the three flights of stairs. I can hardly wait to get my shoes off because my aching feet can’t take it anymore.
“Emma—hey, Emma.” Jake calls with an edge to his voice.
I dart out of the bathroom with my toothbrush still in my hand. He’s in the kitchen holding a partially empty bottle of vodka.
“Did you have some vodka before you went to the party?” he asks.
I shake my head, completely at a loss. “No! Absolutely not. That wasn’t there when we left.”
Jake strides down the hallway and calls Vee’s name outside her closed door.
The dots connect for me, and I rush behind him as he slowly opens the door.
The lights are on in Vee’s room, and she is lying face-down on her bed, still in her beautiful red mini-dress.
There is a bottle of pills on her bedside table I’ve never seen before.
Jake gently turns her over, and her eyes flutter a little as if a bumblebee hummingbird is rapping against her lids, but they don’t open. He gives her a rough shake, and she mumbles something—it’s unintelligible, but at least it’s a sound.
Jake reaches for his cell phone and punches in 911.
“933 Fifth Avenue apartment 3C,” he says into the receiver, his face stricken. “Suspected overdose.”
Time freezes.
Oh my God! I left Vee alone—I caused this.
We follow the ambulance to New York Presbyterian in a taxi, not exchanging a word.
In the waiting room, we learn Vee is already inside somewhere and doctors are working on her.
Finding the quietest corner of the waiting room, we settle in.
My mind keeps repeating the same refrain, This is all my fault.
I killed Vee. My heart is beating to the rhythm of those words.
As if Jake can read my mind, he states simply, “Vee will be all right. She’s strong.”
I notice idly that he is wearing the loveliest navy suit I’ve ever seen.
It fits him like a glove. And the tie he’s wearing is maroon and light-blue.
I look down at my maroon dress; we look like we are a couple dressed to match perfectly in a very understated way.
How much fun it would have been to go to the award ceremony with Jake instead of the awful Vogue party.
I ask quietly, “So, how was your party? I hope you didn’t get lured into any secret party room.”
Jake smiles tiredly. The gold usually sparking in his eyes is now dulled. “It was rubbish. It may have been as miserable as yours. I think I’m slowly but surely getting lured into the devil’s den, and I don’t see any way out.”
I shake my head, mystified.
“I don’t talk about this much, but Oliver is my stepdad. He adopted me when I was five and saved my mom, my sister, and me from ruin after my dad died. We were destitute—
or at least as destitute as you can be with a luxury co-op and a house in the Hamptons.
” He lets out a grim chuckle. “I was young and I didn’t really understand the whole situation, but when my dad died, he left my mom in tough financial shape.
When she married Oliver, that saved us all.
Oliver doesn’t have any other kids, and he expects me to take over the family business—or at least start working
there, so eventually I will take over. It’s Henderson’s Investment Fund, so trading of stocks and bonds.
Shit, I hate. Shit, that fucking killed my father.
But I may have to get over myself. My mom did what she had to do twenty-five years ago, and now it’s my turn to pay the piper, so to speak.
” Jake inhales a deep breath and stares down at the floor.
“They have a prenup: if Oliver ever divorces my mom, she won’t get a thing.
We have that always hanging over our heads. ”
Putting an arm tentatively around his shoulders, I probe, “That’s an awful lot of pressure. But is it really up to you to give up your life for your family? You’ve been telling me how unfair it is of my parents to ask me to do that. Isn’t this the same thing?”
Jake looks at me and with a little spark in his eye states, “Touché. I guess it’s easier to give out such nice-sounding advice than it is to take it.
My mom sacrificed a lot for me and Sandy.
You’ve met Oliver. He’s no picnic, and I know she doesn’t love him, but she did what she had to do for us kids.
Freakin’ Sandy is a doctor, so she’s out of the running. ”
“But you’re going to be a doctor, too. So doesn’t that protect you, too?”
“Ahh!” Jake snorts. “Sadly no. Wrong kind of doctor.”
“How can it be the wrong kind of doctor? There is no such thing.”
Jake shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t be the person who gets my mother kicked out on the street. She can’t survive without a staff, summers in the Hamptons, and her bridge club.”
Silently, I consider this dilemma. Having money doesn’t solve your problems like I thought it did.
Miserable situations can trap you just as easily in a plush, beautiful apartment as in a dumpy, drab one.
It seems the prenup and family obligations weigh Jake down just like the Jablonski legacy does me.
Sitting up a little straighter, Jake continues, “I just want to finish my doctorate and then I’ll see what Henderson Investment has to offer. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I think.”
A doctor comes into the waiting room and asks, “Family of Veronica Mason?”
We stand and Jake replies, “Yes.”
I’m silent, but the doctor doesn’t seem to need another affirmative response.
“We’ve pumped her stomach. She has an IV in and is lightly sedated. You won’t be able to see her until morning, but she’ll be okay. So, go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow.”
We are too relieved to thank him and instead do as instructed, numbly walking out of the hospital into the dark of the night.
It’s 4:00 a.m. and I must be hallucinating from exhaustion, my focus is narrowed; while I’m bone-tired, I’m also so keyed up my body feels like it needs to go for a run or something.
“Do you want to walk back?” Jake asks. “It’s only a couple blocks.”
I nod; I’d agree to walk to Florida with him, if he asked. Together, we head down the sidewalk.
I stumble along like a sleepwalker, trying to keep a tight lid on my thoughts and not think about Vee and how I almost killed her. I will fall completely apart if I think about that.
Before I know it, we’re at the apartment.
Taking my key out of my bag, I open Vee’s door.
Every light is ablaze, making the apartment look like a police interrogation room.
I hang up my coat and quickly make a circuit, turning off most of the lights.
Jake is sitting on the couch with his head tilted all the way back against the couch, his eyes shut.
I walk over quietly, looking at the dark circles under his eyes and the curve of his cheek. He has a slight outline of a five o’clock shadow. I’m staring down at him when his eyes flicker open, and his hand reaches out to me, and I collapse onto him.
All it took was him raising his hand, and I lost all resistance. I wonder idly, Have I been waiting for any sort of signal all this time? Or is it the sheer exhaustion that’s letting my instincts take over?
Our lips meet and there is both an urgency and a desperation in his kiss as Jake presses his mouth to mine.
His arms pull me closer. The connection fills the emptiness of the apartment and the hollowness in my chest and keeps me from thinking about Vee in a hospital bed, all alone, hooked up to machines.
Jake deftly flips me to one side and pushes my dress up around my waist. Cool air tickles my thighs and then his hand follows, caressing them, leaving a burning sensation as he slides his hand toward my waist. He tugs at my underwear, and I inhale sharply.
Jake’s eyes are unfocused, but with my inhalation, they sharpen, and he pulls back, working to pull my dress back down.
He shifts a little to the right, opening a fraction of space between us.
I feel emptiness from the sudden loss of connection between our bodies.
A need or an ache I don’t understand pushes me to lean towards him, reaching my hands around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair.
The dull ache in my chest eases. I’ve wanted to touch his hair forever, and the feeling is excruciating.
I lean in and kiss him, and a throbbing low in my gut starts to thrum against my insides.
Jake breathes against my mouth, “Can we go into your room?”
I can’t speak, so just nod my head. He stands and reaches out to me again and I’m like a moth to a flame. Not under-standing why, but knowing this is what I must do to survive not only this night but maybe my life.
Jake sits on my bed, drawing me between his legs.
He turns me around and unzips my dress, slipping it off my shoulders.
With a faint rustle, it drops to the floor.
Stepping out of it, I stare down at the most expensive dress I’ve ever owned pooled on the floor.
When I don’t reach to straighten it and hang it up, I know unequivocally I’ve lost my grasp on reality.
Looking up toward the heavens, I send a silent prayer asking for forgiveness and for it not to hurt too much.
My lips quirk at the juxtaposition of my requests and I shiver—waiting to see if God demonstrates his lack of humor, right then and there.
When lightning doesn’t strike, I meet Jake’s eyes. He’s been sitting perfectly still, waiting and watching me as if he knows I’m waiting for something. He can’t know. His eyes are burning with something I’ve never seen before.
I smile timorously, and he tugs me down onto the bed next to him.
Collapsing, the feelings coursing through my body roll over me like a strong wave.
I’ve never felt so alive; every nerve ending is on fire.
I’ve expanded into a real living, breathing person, someone that is no longer looking out through her shell, trying to find the secret portal that everyone else found easily years ago. I’ve finally found my way out.
Jake traces his fingers up my arm and a tingle follows the path he charts.
He reaches around the nape of my neck and pulls me closer.
When his lips touch mine, I’m lost. Some-thing within me is leaning in, demanding more connection and it’s hungry and demanding.
I tangle my fingers into Jake’s hair and fight the urge to pull hard.
My mind disconnects, swept away into the feeling and longing surging through my body.
I am liquid and the feelings flow like water within me. Contained but wild and powerful.
Jake lays me back and quickly unbuttons his dress shirt. Then he slips off his shoes and slides out of his pants, and I stare, mesmerized. Jake turns to me, and I feel my ragged breath rise and fall in my chest. He reaches behind me, unclasping my bra.
Jake’s mouth explores my body, raining kisses down on spots I had no idea could be so sensitive.
My body responds, no longer under my control.
He stops his gentle assault, and I come back into my body for a moment and gaze into his eyes, suddenly worried as to why he stopped.
His eyes fill with fervency as he looks at my body; it’s how I imagine a starving man stares at a banquet.
Running his hand lightly over my cheek, down my shoulder, then around my full breasts.
Finally, tracing a trail down my stomach and below.
Something I don’t understand erupts within my body.
It’s as if a piano string is being plucked in my gut that is pulling and pulling.
“Ah, yes,” I squeeze out, unbidden.
Jake rubs and teases and I feel the pressure mounting.
Inhaling sharply, I’m arching and arching, opening myself as I’ve never imagined I would.
Points of darkness appear when I close my eyes and then flash into a white light, the release is swift and wonderful.
I lie back and my muscles melt into the bed.
I watch as my hand rises, and I caress his smooth chest, I’m unsure who is guiding my hand.
Tonight is the start of everything. He leans into me, angle his body over mine and I feel him pushing me apart.
My mind is slow to comprehend, and my body remains limp and pliant.
I bite my lip suddenly worried as I connect what is happening, I think, It’s going to hurt, but I can’t cry out.
That wouldn’t be right. But my body is still not under my control, staying relaxed and willing.
I’m stretched and stretched, I clamp my lips closed.
It’s Jake. He won’t hurt me unless he has to.
Jake moans, and I gaze into his face, his eyes are closed.
He suddenly moves against me and pushes, and the pressure builds and then a flash of pain, and Jake slides out and then back.
My God, I’m going to be split in two. He moves faster, and I thrash, unable to take anymore.
He grabs my hip with one hand, and he drives into me over and over and then he freezes, and I feel his muscles convulse, and the pain is gone then he sinks down slowly and comes to rest by my side. I lie still, stunned.
I just made love for the first time, and it was amazing and strange and completely unexpected, but now I can’t remember what I ever expected.
Staring at Jake, he opens one eye, giving me a half smile and drapes a languid arm over my bare shoulder.
He closes his eyes and falls asleep. I could never sleep; the next minute I’m opening my eyes to the harsh morning sunlight streaming through the window, and Jake is sleeping soundly next to me.