Oakley #2
North Creek has become my home. And in the shadow of the mountains, I’ve found my true friends. Along the way, Levi has become someone I can easily see myself building a life with.
If only it were that simple.
“I don’t know,” I sigh. “But I’m tired of hiding.
I’ve been running for far too long, and I think…
I think I owe it to myself to stop.” I shouldn’t have to live my life in the shadows, always looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
What kind of person would I be if I kept allowing a man who has no place in my life to command my fear?
“I’m so proud of you.” Levi presses a kiss to the top of my head. “But I’d be lying if I said I’m not still scared shitless of what could happen.”
“I don’t think he’ll try anything.” My words are pensive but not argumentative.
I want Levi to know I value and accept his opinion, but to also know that I know my ex better than anyone else here in North Creek.
“I’ve been scared, yeah. But besides the break-in, which happened while I was out, he hasn’t tried to make any physical contact with me. Why would he now?”
“It’s odd to me. The fact that he hasn’t tried to see you now that he’s in town. That can’t be a coincidence, Oakley.”
He’s right. When I arrived in North Creek, I could barely make it through fifteen minutes without my phone vibrating with texts or calls or both from unknown numbers.
I still have the threatening voicemails and texts saved on my phone.
God forbid I need them to pursue anything legal.
As for Travis being back in town? I don’t think the gravity of that has sunk in yet.
“It is weird,” I concede. “But I’m going to take it for what it is until I know otherwise.”
“And if he makes an appearance?”
I sigh. “Then we’ll deal with that if and when it happens. I promise. I’ll still be careful, and you can still come and babysit me at work. But I don’t want to hide anymore. I won’t.”
“Attagirl,” he says, pride lacing his words and making me smile softly. “Just don’t go getting a big head and thinking you don’t need me.”
Is that… worry?
“Never,” I promise.
In truth, it’s becoming increasingly more impossible to imagine my life without Levi.
I’ve never wanted to be one of those girls whose entire life existed around their relationship, never realizing that that’s exactly what happened when I got together with my ex.
But still, I’m a little confused about where we go from here.
This relationship is clearly so much different than my last, but I don’t want to assume something I shouldn’t and make a fool of myself.
“What’s on your mind?” Levi prompts, right as I’m summoning the courage to voice my question out loud.
How does he already know me so well?
“It’s stupid and juvenile, but what… are we?” I pull back to peer up at him, and as usual, there’s no annoyance or judgment in his eyes.
“I am yours,” he says simply with a shrug.
“The rest we can figure out along the way. All I know is that I don’t want to be without you again.
I don’t think I can. You calm a part of me I thought was untamable, and I don’t think you even realize you’re doing it.
My father was not a… good man. He was like your ex. ”
My breath catches in my throat, but I stay quiet, hanging on every word he says and giving him the space to speak.
“I watched and listened as it happened to my mother, my sister, to me. One day, I snapped. It was like someone had lit a fuse that took years to detonate, and when it finally did…”
A flash of distress lights the shadows in his eyes as he trails off. My hand falls over where his rests against my leg, and I draw soothing circles over his skin until his tense muscles begin to relax beneath me.
“For a long time, I thought that’s who I was destined to become.
That I would be no different from my father.
That the…” a muscle in his jaw ticks, “violence was inside me, and there was no way to avoid it. Sometimes I still think that.” He struggles with his words as he speaks, whispering some and choking on others.
“I think you underestimate yourself. No one becomes someone like your father without a conscious choice to do so.” We could sit and debate the ins and outs of violent relationships until the sun comes up, but it doesn’t change the fact that good will outweigh evil when there is motivation to be better.
“It’s not that simple. I saw that shit growing up. I experienced it. How can you say the same violence isn’t in me? That I won’t snap again one day and become the very thing I fear most?”
“The fact that you worry about it is proof enough. Do you really expect me to believe your violence is without reason?”
“No.” His answer is quick and hard. “I did what I had to to protect my family and myself.”
“You’re a good man, Levi. You keep me safe. You would never hurt me. Don’t let that fear win out.”
He plants a kiss on the top of my head. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmurs as I nuzzle closer.
“You’re wrong,” I argue. “I think maybe this is what we’ve needed all along. Someone to remind us of who we are when our minds try to tell us otherwise.”
The night passes in a blur of soft caresses, tender kisses, and the sighs of breaths whispered over skin.
Only after we’ve crawled beneath silken sheets, our bodies bare and slicked with sweat, do my eyelids droop, and I stop fighting the pull of sleep.
Curled up against Levi’s body, his chest rising and falling in even breaths against my back, I finally close my eyes and let sleep take me.