Chapter 58
Fifty-Eight
Despite Jax laying her feelings about me bare months ago, I’m not sure I fully trust them. This is one hundred percent on me, not her, and my inability to believe I’m worth the trouble. It’s as inescapable as my shadow.
Add to that, the very foundation on which we stand lies atop a fault line, ready to crumble the minute the earth shakes. Summer proved that time and again.
I thought Remy did us a favor by getting engaged and removing the third wheel from the equation. In reality, he complicated matters, putting me in the insufferable position where he’s pitted against Jax and I’m in the middle.
It’s increasingly difficult to make everyone happy no matter how hard I try.
My friend needs me, finding himself on uncertain footing now that he’s out of rehab—and I want to be there for him.
Jacqui—also in a fragile, anxious state—is desperate for time together, and she’s where my heart lives.
On top of that, I still have to put in forty hours a week (often more) at my job plus manage other life-related necessities.
My time is at a premium, and I’m pulled too many directions.
It will all blow over, I assume. Become easier.
Except in the murky depths, a spot you can’t see but can only feel—like fish nipping at your toes underwater—is a bigger question, one Jax raises often.
How can this work when the three of us can no longer be in one place together?
It’s a valid point, and I possess no answers. I want to believe it will all resolve once the dust settles, once Remy gets married, once time marches on just a little further.
I’m not sure if those are lies I tell myself.
Regardless, I’m unwilling to let Jacqui go. She is the fucking air that I breathe, the wind in my sails, the best part of my life.
We must stay the course.
Restless under his parent’s watchful eyes, Remy starts drinking, rationalizing his trouble stems from drugs, not alcohol.
He pledges to stick to beer, not hit any of the hard stuff.
None of it makes sense to me. We’ve gotten trashed on the stuff countless times…
I mean, there’s a reason we called it getting Schlitzfaced.
When I question him, he contends he can control it, especially now that he understands what’s at stake.
At first, he seems to have a handle on it. But then one or two lead to six packs that lead to getting polluted.
Once his parents catch on, they quickly throw him into an outpatient program.
I start researching drug and alcohol addiction because this shit is way above my purview. If I’m going to help my best friend, I need to understand how.
I also meet his fiancée Sherry, which only stokes the embers of Jax’s unresolved pain. She peppers me with questions I don’t want to answer, sometimes resulting in arguments.
Do you like her?
Is she pretty?
Where’s the wedding?
What are you doing for the bachelor party?
Does she know about the three of us?
How’s his recovery going?
Does he ask about me?
Even when Remy’s not in the room, he’s in the room, and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to think about him when I’m with her while she’s struggling to let it all go. I try to err on the side of empathy but the two of them are testing my limits.
Every day brings us one step closer to the finish line: The wedding.
After that, Remy will have Sherry’s daily support, helping him through his recovery and hopefully living happily ever after.
It doesn’t solve all the dilemmas, but at least he won’t be as reliant on me.
Jax and I can get back to normal, back to building our future together.
I cling to the thought like a life preserver.